Can't Get Any Hotter
by PlasticTramp
Summary: Edward and Alice move next door to Bella. They all become instant friends, but when Bella finds out a dreadful secret about Edward and Alice, all hell breaks loose. OOC, AH
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight. :tear:**

**Hey!! I'm not sure exactly what I'm doing with this, but here goes. If you guys like it, tell me. I'm not sure if I should continue. **

**Bella**

I woke up in a surprisingly great mood this morning, the sun pouring in through the curtains of my bedroom. I stretched my body, and then sat up, throwing the covers off. There was shouting outside, but I ignored it, not wanting anything to ruin my perfect mood.

After performing my morning ablutions, I went downstairs and began to cook breakfast-if you considered brownies and cookies breakfast. I put both pans in the oven at the same time, not wasting any time. I left to the living room, turned on the stereo, and started dancing as I cleaned the house.

When I went outside, my bathing suit in my mother's car, I saw the most beautiful boy carrying boxes into the house next to mine, followed by a little pixie girl, and a very beautiful woman. It was very easy to say that the boy was the most beautiful, and before I could stop staring, he looked at me. My skin flamed, and I looked down, and blushed the brightest red I think I could have possibly turned. My chest heaved with unnatural fear, my head spinning. Now I wasn't so sure I wanted to go swimming anymore.

I tried to race back inside the house, all nervous, tripping on the sidewalk before me. But before I could even fall down, _he_ was there to catch me. Before I knew what I was doing, I embraced him back, liking the feel of his strong arms around me. When I was back on my feet, I looked at him straight in the eye, and stammered like an idiot.

"I'm-I-I-I'm re-really s-s-sorry." I blushed and passed his to walk up the steps to my doorway.

"That's okay," he said. I tripped again, his voice jolting my nerves like some wicked electricity. There was absolutely nothing more beautiful, more amazing more, smooth than his voice. I turned to him.

"I'm really sorry though. I'm such a klutz and I didn't mean to be staring." He shrugged, and smiled.

"What's your name?" He said with velvety smoothness.

"Oh, um, Bella," I answered. He smiled brighter.

"Even your name is beautiful," he whispered. I blushed. I wanted to reach out to him and touch his perfect lips with mine, glide my fingers through his bronze colored hair, and not let go.

"What is your name?" I returned, like I hadn't even heard his comment.

"Edward Cullen."

My nerves jolted. "You're the new doctor's son! I've seen him at the hospital more than a couple of times," I admitted. He laughed.

"Well he was telling me about you, the other day actually. He was telling me how tragic it was how such a beautiful girl has become acquainted with him for the absolute wrong reason. He says you fall too much."

"How right he is." I said, looking straight into his emerald eyes. I took a step closer to him, and he did me.

"Edward! I can't-Oh you so cheated! I said. . ." the little pixie girl that I saw earlier was crossing the lawn shouting a string of expletives at my Edward. My Edward. Ha not likely. She held out her hand to me.

"Hi, my name is Alice Cullen, Edward's twin sister." I took her hand and smiled warmly at her, as she smiled brightly and fun.

"Hi, I'm Bella Swan. I'm an only child unfortunately," I said to them both.

"Oh it's okay. That means we get to be total best friends forever!" Alice chirped.

"I'm sorry if she comes on too strong," Edward whispered to me. I laughed.

"It's okay. I don't really have that many friends. I keep to myself most of the time. Except when Jacob comes over. He's the best."

"Oh well at least you have a boyfriend," Alice happily. I looked at Edward, whose face was expressionless. It made my heart jump.

"Jacob isn't my boyfriend. He's like my best friend. I-I don't have a boyfriend."

"Really? But you're so pretty!" Alice whined.

"I agree, I would have thought someone would have you taken," Edward said. My heart fluttered.

"No," I smiled at him and he smiled back. I ran my fingers through my hair, putting it into a ponytail. It was blazing hot, even at ten in the morning.

"Edward, Alice, breakfast is ready," the woman said from the next house over. She smiled warmly at me. She, too, walked over the grass to my doorway.

"Hello dear, I don't believe we've met. I'm Esme Cullen." I smiled at her.

"Hi, I'm Bella Swan."

"Oh! You're Carlisle's favorite patient. Such a shame that such a beautiful young woman would be hurt so often," she said with a sympathetic smile. "Well, would you like to join us for breakfast?" Esme asked. And totally continue flirting with the hottest guy to ever grace the planet, and continue to be super best friends with the most excited girl I've ever met?

"Sure." Both Edward and Alice smiled brightly. I walked behind Esme as Edward and Alice followed me.

"You can't hog her Edward." Alice whispered.

"What are you talking about? I was only telling her she was pretty. It isn't a crime Alice." Edward retorted.

"Yeah but you have that 'feel'. You like her don't you?"

"I think so." My heart flipped at his word, but I pretended I didn't hear them.

"Good because I think she likes you too." Alice said back. My heart froze. She had to be way psychic to know I felt that way. It was almost impossible to read me.

"I hope so. I haven't felt like this about anybody," Edward said. I smiled to myself not sure what I should have made of that. I was lucky enough that he was even talking to me. He was just about the most amazing boy to grace the face of this planet. I should have felt really lucky that he wanted me. And, frankly, I did.

"Well, Bella, you'll have to excuse the mess," Esme said in front of me. I shot her a perplexed look.

"Your home is wonderful. It's very beautiful," I said truthfully. It was very amazing, but the only thing that caught my eye was the beautiful baby grand piano sitting in the living room. "My mother has a piano like that in the middle of our living room as well, but no one ever plays it. I'm afraid I might be too clumsy to get the fingering right." I walked over it and played a clumsy C scale. Edward walked to me and sat down. He played, with both hands, the C scale in the higher notes above high C. "_You_ play?" I asked softly. Edward simply nodded.

"Yes, when Alice isn't badgering me on the way she looks," Edward said with a smile. "But yes, I do play. More than I should any way."

"Wow, that's amazing. My mother would absolutely love you. She had high hopes for me playing, but I'm always stuck in my room writing."

"You write?" Alice asked. She was leaning against the piano.

"Yeah, mostly poems and short stories though, nothing amazing."

"But that's so great! Do you ever let anyone read what you write?" Edward asked.

"Very seldom. I'm too shy for criticism." I admitted.

"Breakfast is on the table dears," Esme called to us. We all reluctantly stood up from where we had been sitting, and walked to the dining room table. We sat down in silence and began eating the foods on our plates. Every time I looked up, Alice or Edward seemed to have been looking at me. I would blush like a freaking idiot, and then look down to my food.

"Hey Bella," Alice said. I looked up to her, meeting her and Edward's gaze.

"Yeah?"

"Is there a descent mall here?" Alice asked.

"Sure there is," I said. "But I don't spend a lot of time there."

"That, Bella, will change," Alice said. Edward smiled sympathetically.

"Should I be scared?" I asked him.

"Very," He answered. We all laughed.

"Do you mind if you'd show me around a little?" Alice said

"Oh! Of course not. Would you like to leave after breakfast?" I asked

"Sure!" Alice chirped. She turned to Edward. "You can stay here and help mother." She gave him a triumphant smile.

"Well," I said, "If your mother doesn't mind, you can come along as well Edward," I said to him. Edward gave Alice a triumphant smile. Alice pouted. It was so cute how they were fighting over me. So I had to ask. "Who's older?"

"I am," Alice said. Edward rolled his eyes.

"By fifty four seconds. You aren't even an entire minute older than me," Edward said. I smiled.

"Oh whatever. You are such a loser." Alice retorted.

"Alice, that's not a very nice thing to say to your brother," Esme called. I laughed.

"That's what I was aiming for," she called to her mother.

"Alice, be polite. You have company," Esme scolded. I smiled again.

"We are so going to get along just great." I said. Edward smiled secretively at me.

"So, how old are you guys?" I asked.

"Oh we're seventeen." Alice answered.

"So you guys are juniors?"

"Yes." Edward answered.

"Oh. Me too. You guys will like the school even if it is a little cliquish."

"Oh! I hate cliques. I bet you," Alice said, waving her fork at me, "that some preppy blonde voluptuous cheerleader and her muscle for brains boyfriend rule the school. Movies make school so predictable."

"You're right."

"Are there any music programs at your school?" Edward asked. I nodded.

"Yeah. There's one where this dude from Julliard comes down every winter and teaches the piano and guitar majors for the rest of the year, but you have to pay like a gazillion dollars to join. There are only fifteen people who can join, and it's based on auditions and if you can come up with about three thousand dollars for each two weeks. It's amazing though. Each of the students performs at the end of the year recital where there are these people from all these colleges from all around the world. I've heard of some sophomores getting guaranteed places in colleges in _Italy_."

"Wow. That is amazing," Edward said to me.

"Yeah. It's pretty spectacular."

"Oh are there any classes offered in design and fashion?" I nodded. Her face lit up.

"Yeah. There are four different levels of costume design classes, and there is a college level class, but you have to pay for it. Then they give you the opportunity to go to New York for the summer to work in some boutique, designing for then. You get to bring your own model and have photographers and real designers judge your work. If they like it, you can go to the finals in France, where you'll be able to do it all over again, get like five hundred thousand dollars and a chance to start your own company."

"How do we sign up?" Edward and Alice said together. My heart squeezed. I had only known then for a total of maybe an hour, but they were both really special to me, and I didn't want to lose them. They were already planning to go away from me.

"Bella, I would totally love to do that whole fashion design thing. You could even be my model! You are so hot!" Alice chirped.

"You are so joking!" I almost screamed at her. "How am I supposed to walk on a cat walk knowing there are hundreds of people watching me? In heels might I add? I can barely walk barefoot!"

"Oh Bella, you can't be that bad," Edward assured me.

"If I'm not correct, please correct me, but wasn't it _you_ who saved me from yet another trip to the hospital?" I asked Edward. His lips turned up at the sides of his mouth. My heart fluttered.

"Yes, but it was an accident anyone could have made." Edward smiled. I had to stop and think how to breathe.

"Oh whatever. Can we please just go to the mall. I'm dying in these last season jeans!" Alice exclaimed.

"Don't ever let her catch you wearing something twice," Edward warned. "She'll rip out your throat."

"Edward, I swear to God!" Alice said to him, a threat that hung unfinished in the air.

"How about we go now-Shit!" I jumped up from where I was sitting and ran out of the door so fast; I was surprised I didn't fall.

My house was filled with smoke, the scent of burnt brownies and cookies filled the air. I coughed my way to the kitchen, hastily opening the oven and pulling out both pans of what were supposed to be sweet treats. Oops.

Alice and Edward were both in the doorway of the kitchen, staring at me.

"I guess I forgot," I said.

"Well that's okay! If your house burned down you could totally come live with us!" Alice chimed. I smiled as I looked over to Edward. He was looking pretty hopeful.

"Thanks for that, Alice." I discarded the burned food in the trash, as I put the pans in the sink to soak. I felt there gazes on my back. I turned around to meet both of their smiling beautiful faces. They were going to get so much attention at school the next day; it was going to be ridiculous.

"Well, I'm going to go change. I'll be down in a second." The nodded and I passed them going up the stairs. I reached my bedroom, quickly discarded my clothing, changed my bra to a nicer one, and then put on a pair of jean shorts and a blue spaghetti strap tank top. I slipped into a pair of black flip flops and grabbed my keys and my iPod.

Downstairs, Alice and Edward were talking.

"But what if she doesn't. . . Like me. What if in fact she likes this Jacob person much more than she likes me? She's only known me for an hour, and I've shown more interest in music than her. She has no idea that I think she's a beautiful girl. That I like her enough to actually pay attention to her. I just fear rejection." Edward sounded so soft, so heartbroken.

"Edward, I'm as sure as Christmas is on December twenty-fifth that she feels something toward you. Just ask her out in a few days after you've gotten to know her. I'm almost positive that she'll say yes." I had only known Alice for such a little amount of time, but she knew me way to well. Almost as well as I knew myself and that scared me as much as it warmed my heart. "Meanwhile, I'm tired. When we get back I think we should take naps or something. Don't want that dreadful sickness to come back," Alice said.

I trotted down the stairs, sure as hell was blazing hot, that my cheeks were a bright red color. "Ready to go?" I tried to ask indifferently. They looked up at me, straightening themselves.

"Yes," they said in unison. I smiled.

"I think that's cute. You guys say things together.

"Well, I think it's annoying," they said together. They laughed.

"If you don't mind, Bella, can I drive?" Edward asked. I shrugged.

"Sure. I'll just give you the directions," I said with a sweet smile. They walked before me, over to next door, as I turned to lock the front door.

I followed them as they walked over the grass. Alice and Edward climbed into the car, but Alice was sitting in the backseat, leaving me the front seat next to Edward. I climbed in, nervous as anything. They looked at me as if they could hear my heart beating against my chest. Which I was sure they couldn't.

"What?" I asked them. Edward simply turned away from me, starting the car, and Alice sat back against the seat. They didn't say anything.

This was going to be an odd friendship.

**Please Review! **

**Love Esie!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Edward**

It was really difficult to control myself while being in such a close proximity to the most gorgeous girl in existence. Bella was a jewel among the rock of other women. She was so amazing, how she is so helpless and shy. I could only hope that she likes me as much as I do.

She sat so close and quiet, and I wanted to reach out to her, hold her hand, and show her the affection that I knew she deserved. I was just too conservative to do something that out of line.

She spoke to me in short, direct orders as she told me the directions, no more than what she needed to tell me. She turned bright red every time I looked at her.

"Are you okay, Bella?" I asked her as she stared out of the window. She turned to look at me, her brown eyes smoldering unfairly.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Why?" She said sweetly. The soft sweet scent of her breath carried over to me. It drove me wild. Alice eyed me from the back seat.

"You're so quiet. May I ask what you're thinking?" She smiled sincerely, blushing.

"You can ask, but I don't think I want to say it out loud. I'm just lucky you can't read my mind," she said, blushing even redder. I thought it was adorable. I wish I could read her mind; I found it difficult to read her as a person. Her body language was so conservative.

Alice handed Bella her cell phone, starting a secret conversation.

**Bella**

_You know, Edward likes you._ I was taken by surprise by her message. She was so straight forward.

_I know. You guys really don't know how to whisper._ I handed her phone back to her, a little bit guilty.

_Dang. And we though we were getting away with everything. _I laughed to myself. I typed quickly.

_No. But how can I like him back the right way? I don't even know him._ I handed her back the phone. Now I was nervous. From here on out, I considered her my best friend. She already knew too mush, and clearly she was okay with it. A part of me was excited because of it. Alice shoved the phone in my face.

_Well get to know him while I shop around. If you like him, show him. Be a flirt._ I wasn't like that. How would I be able to do that around him? He was so amazing it was absolutely ridiculous.

_But I don't want to come on strong. I have never liked someone this much._ I blushed.

_That's okay. Just show him how you feel subtly._ I shrugged. I wasn't even sure I knew how to do that.

_I'm not sure I know if I can do that._

_It doesn't matter. Just act like Bella. He'll come around. Now sweetly suggest that you wanted to see a movie. Edward will agree, but I'll say I want to go shopping. You guys will get alone time, and you can tell me everything tonight when you sleep over._

_I'm sleeping over?_

_You are now. It's all a part of the plan sweetie._

_Okay._

"Hey, I really want to see a movie. Do you guys want to?" I looked over to Edward. He looked straight at me.

"Sure," he said smoothly, just as Alice said he would. I smiled at him.

"But I still need to go shopping," Alice whined from the backseat.

"So go by yourself. You've gone shopping a million times by yourself," Edward said. I smiled, looking out of the window. Alice had to be a premonitionist. It was way too bizarre how she knew what was going to happen.

"Oh, fine," Alice said.

"Is that okay with you Bella that we go alone?" Edward asked hopefully.

"Oh, sure. It doesn't bother me," I said nonchalantly. Alice shoved her cell phone in my face.

_See a scary movie, if there's one out. It'll force you guys to get close. _I nodded, taking note. I handed her the cell phone back.

"Bells, give me your number so I don't get lost," Alice said. I did, and she messaged me again.

_Text me if **anything **goes wrong._ The message read.

_Okay._ I saved her number and put my cell back into my pocket, looking at Edward who was looking at me as he parked. He smiled a gloriously beautiful half-smile that just about melted my heart into gold. I believe with all my heart that I blushed a vibrant red, but I can't be so sure.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us Alice?" I asked. She smiled apologetically. She was a really great actress.

"No, I really have to get out of these so-last-week jeans. I'll die, and I really don't want to hear Edward complain as I annoy. If he gets annoying, text me and I'll come get you in a heart beat. Promise." She smiled and gave me a friendly hug, then skipped off into the mall, leaving me and Edward standing together like nervous dummies.

"So, what did you have in mind? To see I mean," Edward said. I shrugged.

"Well I was planning to see Mirrors, but I don't know how you feel about scary movies. Personally, I get a little jumpy. That's why I always go with Jacob. He lets me hold his hand, and when I get really scared he put his arm around me. But if you don't to. . ." Edward straightened his posture, taking my hand in his. His skin was so warm and soft, I didn't want to let go.

"If you want to see the movie, I'm not going to stop you. We can see it if you want," I stared into his luscious green eyes and nodded, not trusting my voice. We started walking, not hand in hand, but close enough that I could feel the heat of his body on my barely dressed skin. The sun was nothing compared to the blaze that was radiating from Edward Cullen.

The convenient thing about this mall in Phoenix was that there was a theater right inside. Edward and I walked up to the booth, and the short brunette eyed him like he was candy at a candy store. She paid no mind to me, even if she was in three of my classes.

"Hey Bella," Jessica Stanley said from behind the counter, "who's your friend?" She was clearly asking me the question, but she stared, almost rudely, at Edward. He was completely oblivious as he smiled politely at her.

"Oh, this is Edward. He just moved into the house next door to mine, with his sister." She nodded at my words like she didn't hear anything I was saying.

"Oh, that's nice," she said, with a sharp edge to it. "That will be fifteen dollars," she said, eyeing us both, watching us to see who was going to pay. Both of us, Edward and I, acted quickly, but he beat me to it.

"Don't worry about it Bella," Edward said, using a sweet but sexy tone. I shivered. I let him pay for me this once, but I promised not to let it happen again. Jessica eyed me devilishly.

"Enjoy the movie," she said through clenched teeth. I smiled at her, letting Edward take my hand. I was sure I heard some sort of use of profanity as we walked away.

Even out of the sight of Jessica, Edward didn't let go of my hand, and frankly, I was really happy. "Since you paid for the tickets, I'll get the candy and other things for the movie," I said to him. Edward looked at me weirdly.

Edward

"Why?" I asked her. I was more than willing to buy her whatever she wanted. But I guess I'd have to settle for holding her hand. Did that mean something?

"Because, we're going together, and I don't like people to spend money on me." I chuckled at her shyness.

"I think my father would love to have you as a daughter," I told her truthfully. Not that it was a problem, but Alice spent too much time shopping and worrying about how many pairs of jeans she had.

"Really? My mother thinks that I'm so different from other girls. I'm supposed to accept expensive gifts and such, but I personally think they're useless. I don't need a diamond necklace," she said with an accompanying shrug. Something in her total and complete detestation for over-the-top gifts made my interest in her spark much more wildly. "So where are you and Alice from?"

"We're from a little town in Washington. Forks is the rainiest place in the entire United States." Bella gasped.

"You lived in the rainiest place ever, too? That should be an absolute crime. I don't know how you could have endured such terrible weather for seventeen years. It's utterly impossible for me." I smiled at her, observing the way she walked, how my holding her hand didn't bother her in the least bit. It was like she was perfect for me. It made me smile wider. I was going to ask her what she meant by "too", but she interrupted my thought process. "Why are you smiling?"

"Because you aren't the least bit tan. You are as paler than I am, and I come from a place where there is no sunshine."

"Yeah, well that's just how I roll," Bella said with a big smile. I stared into her bottomless brown eyes, admiring their beauty. Brown eyes were always flat and predictable, but hers held unfathomable secrets. "You know that's kind of funny though. My father lives in Forks. He's the sheriff of the little place. I hate it there." So that's what she meant.

"You're Chief Swan's daughter?" I asked noticing the resemblance. The brown eyes, the chocolate hair, the unexplainable paleness were all Chief Swan.

"Yes, but my mother took me to live here when I was a baby. I stopped visiting him a few years ago. He visits me now." I nodded. She turned away from me for a few seconds to look at the teenaged boy who was standing at the register of the concessions stand. Jealousy surge through me at the way he looked at her, like she was a diamond in a jewelry store.

"Hey Mike," she said with a polite smile.

"Hey Bells," he said back. Bells? Was he that close to her? He eyed me rudely, like I was some sort of . . . competition. "Who's your friend?" She looked at me with a longing smile. I smiled brighter at her.

"Oh, this is Edward Cullen. His family moved next door to me. Oh, can I have the, umm, the sour Skittles, and the Sour Patch Kids. Edward do you want anything?" Her eyes glimmered so brightly, her lips pulled into a small unintentional pout. I shook my head. "Sure?" I nodded. "'Kay, give me a medium Coke, too, please."

"You got it Bells. Anything else?" both Mike and Bella looked at me.

"I'm good, Bella," I told her. Mike almost growled.

"Well, then, no. That's good."

"All right. That will be twelve twenty-five." Bella handed him the money, and took the things from the counter.

"See you in science," mike called after us, as we turned to leave.

"Sure thing," Bella said. When we were far enough away from Mike, I stopped her from walking.

"Are you and Mike . . . . involved?" I asked her. She looked up at me, her innocent eyes blazing.

"No, and we never will be." She paused, biting her lip. It almost knocked me over on how sexy she looked when she did that. "Is it that obvious that he likes me?" I nodded.

"And to tell you the truth, I don't like the way he looks at you," I said before I could stop myself. That was mistake number one. Bella's lips curled up at the corners, but she tried to suppress a smile I knew she wanted to unleash.

"You don't? What do you mean by that?" She asked in a slow whisper. She knew exactly what I meant.

"He looks at you like you're . . . just something to look at. Like he doesn't know what's inside you."

"What's to say he doesn't like the way you look at me?" Her eyes opened wide as if she hadn't meant to say those words. I was glad she did.

"Well that's too bad. He's not the one holding your hand." I took a step closer to her so we were only a few inches apart. "I am." Bella's lips were parted slightly, full and dark, her breaths shallow. She looked up at me, then away, closing her mouth and smiling.

"Yes, you are, and something in me says I'm glad for that."

Bella

I know I was totally not being myself, but I knew Edward liked me, even if it had only been so many hours and we were holding hands innocently. At that moment, I thought I was going to get my sweet first kiss from this very sweet guy. We turned and started to walk, going to the theater. It was barely noon on a Saturday, so the theater was mostly empty. We took our seats in the very middle, waiting for the previews to end so we could watch the movie. I don't know why I picked a scary movie. I was going to have nightmares forever. I was so stupid.

I sat down next to Edward, my hand still in his, putting the Coke in the cup holder and the candy in my lap. We were silent for a few moments, but it was comfortable, like the one between two friends. I admired that.

My pocket vibrated at I opened my mouth to speak, but I answered to the phone instead.

So, have you guys kissed yet? Alice wasted no time. I'm already planning your guys' wedding. I laughed out loud. Edward looked at me funny.

You're funny. We haven't even admitted that we're "in like" with each other. I typed quickly. I sent it to her, then put the phone on silent. I turned to Edward.

"Alice?" he guessed. I nodded and smiled.

"Yeah. She wanted to know where American Eagle was." He nodded. We both looked at the screen as the movie began. I let go of Edward's hand and began eating the candy I bought, taking a lot of drinks. I was beginning to think the movie was dumb when I began to scream. Raised my hands to my face, looking through the slits I made with my hands. Someone shushed me. I smiled and giggled, too embarrassed to look at Edward, who was sitting coolly with his arms crossed over his chest. I turned to him anyway.

"Edward," I whispered, "do you mind if I hold your hand?" He gave me his hand, palm up, and I laced my fingers through his. "Thank you," I whispered. He just smiled at me.

The next few times I got scared, I didn't bother with holding Edward's hand, I just leaned into him, hiding my face. He was so nice about it, too. Jacob would have called me a big baby, and told me to get off of him. He was so jack ass-y sometimes, but he was my BFF. But I think Alice was determined to change that.

Well, at least the movie didn't end in tears as they usually did, but I was still a little bit shaken, and glad the movie was over. Edward, so gentlemanly, helped me up and gave me a hug, sweetly telling me it was only a movie. I think he liked seeing me so helpless. It was like he could fix me.

"Bella, everything is going to be fine. Are you okay?" He said, he voice smooth like velvet, running over my skin and raising Goosebumps. His arm was snaked around my waist, his hand innocently resting on the small of my waist.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little shaken. I'm good though," I said, more than happy to be in Edward's arms. We walked out of the theater in to the crowded halls of the mall. My stomach growled.

"Pizza?" I asked Edward. He smiled.

"Sure." We walked close together to the food court, getting a slice of pizza each and another soda. Edward insisted on paying, so I let him. We weren't even on a date. I instantly wondered what that would have been like, holding hands because we liked each other, not because I was scared, he arms snaked around my waist, his perfect lips on mine. . .

"Bella?" Edward looked at me concerned. He snapped me out of a reverie I promised myself to continue later.

"Sorry, lost in my thoughts." I gave him an innocent smile and we sat at on of the tables, and began to eat.

"So, you're from Forks, and you're an amazing piano player." And amazingly gorgeous. I forced myself not to add the last bit. "Hmm, the thousand dollar question: what is your favorite color/" I asked, sipping my Coke.

"Blue." I sighed. He cocked his head to the side, wondering why.

"Everyone's favorite color is blue," I said. His emerald eyes sparkled at me.

"Not for the same reason mine is," he said, seduction thick in his voice. I shivered. I blushed, too.

"Would you like to share that reason?" I asked breathlessly. I cleared my throat, and leaned forward a little.

"What's your favorite color, Bella?" he asked, his tone the exact same as it had been: sexy and alluring.

"Green." He smiled wider, his teeth sparkling perfectly. I almost melted.

"Why?" He asked, leaning toward me. I smiled.

"Because today green feels like a good color to be my favorite."

"And your favorite gemstone?"

"Emerald," I answered stupidly. He raised an eyebrow. "Yours?"

"Diamond."

"Hmm. That sounds expensive," I said. He chuckled softly. "Why?"

"Because they sparkle innocently like your eyes." I smiled at his response, then bit my lip. He groaned. "Will you stop doing that?" he whispered. "It drives me crazy," he said. At that moment, I absolutely wanted him. I wanted him to tell me how much affection he felt for me, take me in his arms and kiss me so passionately everything would disappear. "I like you Isabella." My smile fell.

"What?" I asked, my heart beating frantically against my chest. I though I was going to pass out.

"I like you. You're smart, witty, and not to mention very beautiful." I licked my lips, trying to figure out if I was imaging what he was saying. "You're kind and sweet, and I like you."

I like you. I like you. I like you. The words swam in my head, trying to sink in. I found the perfect response fro him.

Edward

"I like you, too," she said softly. I tried to figure out if I was imagining her response.

"Really?" I asked her. She nodded softly.

"Yeah. I think you're so sweet and kind and gorgeous, but you have this. . . this. . ." she struggled to find the right word. "You have something that attract me to you like a butterfly to a flower. I just don't know how to explain it, but I want-I'm glad you said you like me. I'm no that significant." She was so wrong, it wasn't even funny.

"You are very significant. To me especially." She blushed like crazy.

"So where do we go from here?" She asked. I smiled.

"I don't know, but we'll figure it out," I told her. "Are you ready to leave?" I asked her. She nodded, staring at me. She stood up, gathered her things and her trash and threw it all away. She walked back to me, and took my hand.

"Now I don't need an excuse to hold your hand," she said with a smile.

"Nope, I'm all yours." My heart fluttered as she smiled.

"Glad to hear it," she said. We walked around, not really paying attention to our surroundings as much as we paid attention to each other. We talked a lot, getting to know each other and each other's secrets. I was soon to learn Bella was a clumsy girl. She tripped again, over her own small feet, grabbing onto me to stabilize herself. I thought it was adorable.

It was almost four when Alice found us and decided to take Bella in to a dressing room, holding a few dresses in hand. I assumed it was to talk, but Bella refused to try Alice's "nonsense" on, staying with me. We walked around a little more, leaving Alice to herself when we came upon a bookstore. Bella led me inside, both of us looking around for books. We ended up in Fiction. Bella picked up a copy of Identical, looking through it. She kept it in hand.

"Are you going to buy it?" I asked her. She nodded.

"I love Ellen Hopkin's books. They're so tragic, but they're amazing." She looked around more, and I observed her, taking note on the books she kept, and the books she put back down. When I wasn't looking at her, she dropped her books, bending down to pick them up. I meant to help her, but another boy did, and they seemed to know each other.

"More books Bella?" He asked her. She smiled and nodded.

"Yes. Books are good. You should try them someday instead of motorcycling with Quil and Embry," She said pushing his shoulder. She looked at me, a wide smile on her face.

"Edward, why are you so far away?" she asked. I walked closer to her, taking her free hand in mine. The boy noticed and anger flickered in his eyes. It made me weirdly happy. "Jacob, this is Edward. He moved into the house next door to mine. Edward, this is my best friend Jacob." I held out my hand in effort to be polite to him, for Bella's sake, but like Mike, he looked at Bella like she was something shiny. He took my hand and shook it briefly, letting go quickly.

"So what are you guys up to?" Jacob asked us suspiciously. Bella smiled at me.

"We just came from watching Mirrors and eating pizza. I guess you could say we're kind of on a date," she said happily. Jacob's face fell.

"You two are dating?" Jacob sneered. I growled in return. Bella let go of my hand to take her books.

"Yes we are," I said. "Is there a problem?"

Bella

Oh. My. God. The testosterone level was way too high for my taste. It looked like Edward and Jacob were going to start fighting. It was ridiculous. I stepped in between their rigid masculine bodies, putting a hand on both of their chests. They looked down at me. They were both like six three, and here I am a short five four.

"Stop it. Now," I commanded. Edward and Jacob relaxed, but they were both still being guy-like. Edward my boyfriend and Jacob my best friend were fighting over the insignificant me. I rolled my eyes.

"Bella, you can't be serious about this guy. Are you?" Jacob said. I looked at him.

"Yes I am. I don't see the big deal."

"You don't even know him!"

"You don't know that Jacob. And be nice, I mean he's standing right here." I looked at Edward, whose eyes were dark. He just took my hand. Jacob scoffed. This was going to get ugly.

I hope you guys liked!!


	3. Chapter 3

Bella

Okay, so the meeting in the bookstore didn't go as well as I would have liked it. At all. Both of them, Edward and Jacob were being immature especially Jacob who was fighting for something that wasn't rightfully his. Never, in the many years I've known Jacob have I liked him, and I wasn't going to start out of the blue. I don't know what the hell he was thinking.

I gripped Edward's hand tighter, staring at Jacob.

"Bella, you're making a mistake, you'll see," Jacob almost growled. I rolled my eyes for the umpteenth time. He was really starting to get on my last nerve.

"Why don't you let her make that decision for herself?" Edward said calmly. I looked up at him, his face expressionless.

"Guys, I said stop it. You are acting so immature. If this is how you both are going to be, then I don't want you guys to be my friends. You either settle your differences right now, or you get on with your lives-without me. Choose."

"Bella, I don't want to not be your friend," Edward said with a sigh. I shivered at the way his eyes looked so longing, so beautiful. I reached up to him, brushing the bronze colored strands of hair from out of his face. I smiled softly at him.

"And I don't want to not be your friend either Edward," I said turning to Jacob, "or you either Jacob. You know I love you, just not in the way you want me to love you, and I'm sorry. But Edward and I are going to keep dating until it doesn't work out. Until then I want you to still be my friend. The one that calls me a big baby when I'm all scared during the movies. Can you be that person Jacob?" I looked at his and watched as he switched from looking to me then to Edward, then to me again.

"Only for you Bella." I smiled and gave him a hug, letting go of Edward's hand. I turned away from Edward.

"And I want you to be that guy that I really like. The one that holds my hand and makes me feel all butterfly-in-my-stomach. Can you be that guy?" Edward pulled me to him.

"I'd be more than happy to," he said sexily. I closed my eyes and breathed in his unique scent.

"Okay. Then Edward and I are going to continue whatever we were doing, and I'll call you later Jacob and maybe I'll see you at school, sophomore." He smiled and walked to a group of other equally tanned and long haired boys, joking around. I stared at his eyes. They dripped with sadness and longing I wasn't able to fix. I turned to Edward and hugged him again, just staying there in the comfort of his arms my body already began to miss.

"Bella, are you okay?" He asked, his voice smooth and sweet. I looked up at him, his eyes soft and affectionate. I took his hands in mine, looking away from him.

"Jacob wants me to be something I'm not. I can't be his girlfriend or his lover or his significant other. He's not the one for me," I sighed. Electricity sizzled to life where Edward and my body touched. His eyes shined like he felt it too. It made me excited.

"And you believe that there is 'the one' for you?" He asked softly. Something flickered in his eyes too quickly for me to know what it was, but I nodded, and put a hand on his chest where his heart is supposed to be.

"Yeah. The heart wants what it wants," I told him with another sigh. I smiled at him, and he took the three books from my hands, taking one of then in his own. I paid for my books, and then we left. We walked hand in hand reaching Edward's Volvo. Alice was waiting ever so patiently, her arms crossed over her chest, her stiletto covered foot tapping incessantly. I smiled at her as she eyed Edward and Mine's attachment. She winked at me.

We all climbed into the car, Edward only letting go to turn the ignition.

"Alice, I didn't know you had a boyfriend," I said to her, as she giggled infinitely behind us with text messages. She shot her head up, subtly shaking it no, then went back to her messaging. My phone jingled, and Edward half smiled.

_I don't have a boyfriend, but I am texting this really cute guy. Just don't mention it to Edward,_ Alice wrote. I smiled.

_You got it. What's his name? _I replied.

_Well what do you know about Jasper Hale? _I giggled. I actually giggled. Edward looked at me, raising a sexy eyebrow. Immediately, I wondered what he looked like without a shirt. Then, I blushed.

_Remember when you said the school is run by some preppy blonde? Well, that's her brother._

_Really?_

_Yeah, _I replied_, they're twins too._

_Oh, I guess that's cool._

_Yeah, but be careful, Rosalie Hale is very protective of her little brother._

_Eww, _Alice wrote. _Over protective sisters._

_I hear ya._

_Funny! So why is Edward so tense?_

_Because he thinks there are like twenty five trillion guys after me._

_Oh, that's normal for him though. Once he has something, he won't let go. Ever. Welcome to the family._

_We haven't even kissed yet. But thank you. _I paused for a minute. _But what if he doesn't like me any more? What if he finds out something about me that he doesn't like?_

_He won't. I can feel it. Bella, I can sense you're a great person. _

_Trust me Alice. I'm not that great._

_You're great enough to not have run off when you met the twin freaks._

_You guys aren't freaks. _

_We have no friends. Want to explain that one._

_Alice__! You guys are exceptionally gorgeous! So what if the entirety of Forks is antisocial?_

_Whatev! I'm so excited. _

_For what? _I swear she was bipolar.

_Edward's always been alone. Then you come along . . ._

_But it's only been a few hours. That's not a lot._

_Love at first sight._

_Alice__._

_Bella. It is so there. I can friggin feel it._

_I don't love him though. _Even though I want to.

_You know you will._

_But who won't? He's kind and sweet, and totally chivalrous. He's a beautiful person, not to mention totally gorgeous. He's like the best guy in the world._

_Jeez Bella. Don't scrape your knees by falling. _I rolled my eyes. _Edward is such a prude._

_There is nothing wrong with being right all the time. And being proper. I like him that way._

_Well, I think he needs to get laid while listening to "crazy bitch"._

_You're too funny._

I took Edward's hand, and he entwined his fingers with mine. It was so perfect. Like we were actually made for each other. It's the best feeling I've ever felt. He looked at me, a smile graced upon his face, and that fantasy to see him naked came back. I blushed again.

**Edward**

For some strange reason, Bella kept blushing at me. It really killed me to not know what she was thinking. But I couldn't concentrate when every time I looked at her, she was licking her sweet luscious lips. It drove me absolutely wild. I was relieved when we arrived at the house. Alice immediately took charge, taking over Bella, taking her from me. She smiled promisingly as she went inside, both of them climbing the stairs chattering softly. I sighed as I went inside the house, passing the piano. I sat on the bench, toying with a few high pitched keys. I set my left hand a few octaves lower, playing some chords. After a while with playing, I almost became excited. It was such a peaceful song, sweet and soft, the dynamic level not ever going above a forte. It was a gathering of emotions, some of them I hadn't felt before. Jealousy and lust and the beginnings of love. I stopped playing after a while, going upstairs to my bedroom.

Most of my things were unpacked, put away neatly, but I couldn't help but feel a little sick of Phoenix. I loved my bedroom in Forks, and I wished so hard that we wouldn't have to move, or that it wouldn't feel like forever that I was seventeen.

I Changed into a pair of swimming trunks and grabbed a towel, heading downstairs to think for a while. Not to mention enjoy the sunshine while it lasted. Not like it was going anywhere.

I dived into the pool, Bella's voice ringing in my head. I don't know why I felt so strongly toward her so soon. Of course, she was sweet and kind, and all the other things I had mentioned earlier, but she was just so much more than a pretty face. She was complex, that's for sure, but it was as if she had a lifetime of secrets hidden in plain sight, right in her eyes. It scared me to want to know everything about her. I wanted nothing more than to go exclusive as quickly as possible. The idea of sharing Bella was too hard to dwell on. Especially if the other person was Jacob.

Boy. He couldn't take a hint if it bit him in the ass. She was my Bella. I wasn't going to let that get away from me. Period.

Swimming easily became a bore, so I stood out of the pool, and towel dried my self off. I went upstairs, changed into only a pair of jeans, wanting to go back outside. Bella and Alice were in the kitchen, making something to eat. I guess I could join them, and steal Bella back, I thought. Even if I had had a lot of one on one time with Bella today, I felt like there wasn't enough time in the world to be with her.

I walked into the kitchen and Bella blushed madly. I smiled at her.

"God Edward! Go put a friggin shirt on! You're making Bella blush!" Alice demanded. Bella avoided eye contact. With me. As much as I would have live to think that was true, I couldn't find myself doing so. Instead, moved closer to Bella. Her blush had faded a little, but she was still embarrassed. I stood behind her as Alice left the room like a smart little pixie. I put my hands on her arms, running them down until I reached her wrists. She was breathing hard. Nervous, I assumed. I laced my fingers through hers, then leaned down so I kissed her naked shoulder. She hummed, leaning into me.

"What are you doing?" she breathed. I trailed a slow line of kisses up to her neck, moving her hair out of the way. She let me go, turning around in my arms. It was amazing how she fit so perfectly. I kissed her neck again. "If you wanted to kiss me, all you had to do was ask," she murmured, running her fingers through my hair. Her voice seemed so innocent, but it held so much seduction in it. I shivered.

"Well, then," I said looking at her face, trying to decipher her thoughts through her eyes, "can I kiss you?" She nodded, her eyes glazing over. I leaned down and pressed my lips against hers.

Her lips were more than I could have ever imagined. They were soft and full, sweet and sexy, knowing just what to do at the right moment. She flicked her tongue at my bottom lip, asking for entrance. When I granted her, she kissed me hard and longing, pushing me against the kitchen counter. I turned her around, picked her up, and set her down so she was sitting on the counter top. She pulled me closer to her, kissing me harder. She hummed as I, impolitely, set my hand on the small of her back, reaching up her shirt. She put one hand on my shoulder, digging her nails into my skin.

Then, someone screamed.

Bella and I pulled away all too quickly, making me a little disoriented. My mother stood there in the doorway, her hands on her hips. Bella blushed all too wildly.

"Edward Anthony Cullen! You should know better," she scolded.

"Esme, it's not Edward's fault, it's mine. I initiated it and I let it get out of hand. I'm completely responsible," Bella said, hopping off of the counter. She crossed her arms over her chest.

"Really? Well what were you doing that Edward had to take off his shirt?" My mother asked. Bella looked confused.

"Wait, what?" Bella asked.

"Forget it Bella. Come on." I grabbed her hand, leading her upstairs. "She was only talking about me not wearing a shirt in front of company." She snorted.

"I can hardly be called company," she said. When we reached my bedroom, she blushed again. "Is there a chance we can continue our previous activities? I've been wanting to do that all day." I shivered and and pulled her into my bedroom.

Magic. It was the only word stable enough to describe Bella. Well, that is, besides the word love, but I wasn't even sure that I couldn't use that word. I think, and it's hard for me to say I think because I always know, but I think I was falling in love with her. I don't know, but I knew she was special.

**Okay, I'm playingwith character's emotions, but it won't go fast like my other story. They'll gradually fall in love. After all, there has to be some tension between Sexy Edward and Dumb Jacob. (Team Edward all the way!!) **

**Okay, well, until next chapter.**

**Esie!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Anyway...**

Edward

Alice and I were used to having millions of eyes staring at us. It had been that way for years, whether we liked it or not. That's just how the world took us. Whether it was good or not, I wasn't sure.

I held Bella's hand as she showed me to my first period class. It was the only class we didn't have together. Easily sustainable, but I would have liked it to be that we had all our classes together, but of course fate wouldn't give me a wish.

There were a lot of posters and flyers advertising the school's music program Bella was talking to me about. Though the art could have been much more appealing, it attracted me somehow.

"Bella," I said softly. She looked up at me with her gorgeous eyes. She was intoxicatingly beautiful.

"Yes?" She gave me a small smile, jolting my nerves quite a bit.

"You look beautiful today." She blushed red, but before she could say something, she looked up at the blonde girl who called her name. She ran over to Bella, pulling her into a tight embrace.

"Hey Bella, who's your delicious friend?" She asked, looking me over. Did she really just say that? Politely, I gave her a smile. Bella didn't look all too happy.

"Lauren, this is Edward. Edward, this is . . . Lauren." Lauren smiled, and Bella waited impatiently. There was a lot of tension between the two of them.

"Hello Lauren. It's a pleasure to meet you. It's always nice to meet Bella's new friends, seeing how I'm her boyfriend." Lauren's eyes opened wide.

"Well. so did not see that coming. Poor Jessica," Lauren said. "Aren't you lucky Bella?" Lauren said monotonous.

"Yeah," she said, taking my hand in hers. "Very lucky." I smiled down at her.

"Hmph," Lauren said, then walked away.

"Ooh, I hate her," Bella said when Lauren was out of earshot. I laughed at Bella, and she smiled.

"Why not? She seems . . ." I paused, looking for the right word to not be rude and insult someone I didn't know, "stable."

"More like sluttish, Edward. She is really mean to everyone. I hope she isn't mean to Alice. . ." Bella trailed off, looking forward. Her grip on my hand loosened as another blonde girl walked toward us.

"Bella what's the matter? You look scared." I asked her. She just looked forward, shaking her head.

"Bella," the blonde girl said. The burly boy next to her nodded at me. Politely, I nodded in return. "So, it's true. Jessica told me you were hiding the new students." She seemed polite, but by the tightening grip of Bella's hand, I was beginning to think otherwise.

"Well, Jessica isn't the most reliable source," Bella said softly. I added Jessica to my list of "People I Should Be Less Considerate to Because They Treat Bella like Shit". I mentally smiled at the really long title. I just hoped it didn't turn into a book.

"Well, are you going to introduce me?" The blonde girl asked. Her tone was pungent as she looked at me expectantly.

"Rosalie Hale, this is Edward Cullen. Edward, this is Rosalie." Bella cleared her throat, but I could feel her anger like little electric currents running through her hand.

"Well, Edward, how do you like the school?" She smiled effortlessly. Honestly, she was a very beautiful girl, but it had no effect on me. Rosalie just, simply, wasn't my type. She wasn't kind or sweet of warm like Bella was. Her Icy glare could freeze someone in their place. Gratefully, I was immune to her . . .unkind flirting.

"Rose, do you realize it's only nine?" Bella said. She was still unhappy. I snaked my arm around her waist, itching to kiss her lips. I'd grown accustomed to sneaking up on Bella with kisses when she'd least expected it.

"Well, then expect me to come back at lunch," she said to Bella. Rosalie smiled at me, then at Bella, but Bella's expression didn't change.

"Are we really that interesting?" I asked her. She smiled up at me.

"It's because you guys are new, not to mention the fact that both you and Alice are completely gorgeous." I leaned down and kissed her sweetly, feeling the stares of the envious girls on my back. It was rather disturbing, considering it was only my first day. It didn't usually start until like the week after. People were ruthless here.

Well, I endured my first period Spanish class, knowing all the things they were learning here since I had been put in lower level classes than the ones in Forks. All my classes were college level courses. Here, they were normal eleventh grade classes. I sat at an empty desk beside the guy Rosalie had been standing with and another guy with blond hair. Both of them were discussing a conversation they had with Alice. My ears perked, but only a little; there had to be a few Alice's here at this school.

"She sent me a picture of herself. I think she's really nice and kind. Bubbly, but I can deal with that," the blond guy said.

"Dude. She's probably more high maintenance than your sister. Yesterday, she said she saw the new kid and that Bella chick making out, and was totally heated. She whined for like an hour last night. 'Why doesn't he think I'm pretty, Emmett. I'm pretty right?' I thought my brain died." The blond guy laughed.

"Dude. No one said you had to like Rosalie," The blonde guy said back to him.

"Well when we're alone she's really sweet and stuff. Nice. She's not that regular psycho chick." Because of curiosity, I had to ask about Alice.

"Uh, excuse me," I said to them. They both turned around. "Not to be in your business, but were you guys talking about Alice Cullen?"

"Yeah. She's the new girl right?" The blonde guy asked me. I nodded. "I was hanging out with her in the mall yeasterday. Why? How do you know her?"

"She's my sister. We're twins."

"Oh," they said in unison. She blonde kid apologized.

"I'm Emmett. Sorry about Rosalie," Emmett said. I shrugged. "She could be a major bitch. She's used to having everyone after her, even if she's not available."

"Yeah, and I'm Jasper, Rose's brother. We're twins too. She's older though, by like a minute." I found that kind of funny.

"Alice is older by fifty four seconds," I said. Jasper smiled.

"Don't you hate it? And automatically, they think they can boss you around." I laughed, then, the teacher called me to his attention.

"Edward Cullen?" He asked. I looked up to him.

"Yes?"

"Umm, you have a schedule change. Right now, you need to head down to the music room. It's in the auditorium" I gathered my things and took my new schedule.

"That sucks," Emmett commented. "You're real shit, Edward."

"Thanks, I guess," I said, leaving.

As I headed down to the auditorium, there was someone playing the piano as I entered the enormous building. It was a soft sweet melody, something I could easily play. Her voice began, and it was a soft innocent high coloratora soprano melody. I stopped close the door, waiting for the girl to finish singing. Her song, this song was beautiful and appropriately named "Beautiful Disaster."

_He drowns in his dreams  
An exquisite extreme I know  
He's as damned as he seems  
And more heaven than a heart could hold  
And if I try to save him  
My whole world would cave in  
It just ain't right  
Lord, it just ain't right_  
_Would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster_

Oh and I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
He's such a beautiful disaster  
And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and laughter  
Lord, Would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster

He's magic and myth  
As strong as what I believe  
A tragedy with  
More damage than a soul should see  
But do I try to change him  
So hard not to blame him  
Hold me tight  
Hold me tight

Oh and I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
He's such a beautiful disaster  
And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter

I'm longing for love and the logical  
But he's only happy, hysterical  
I'm searching for some kind of miracle  
Waited so long..  
Waited So long.

He's soft to the touch  
But frayed at the end he breaks  
He's never enough  
And still he's more than I can take  
Oh and I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
Such a beautiful disaster  
And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster

He's beautiful  
Such a beautiful disaster

It was a good five minutes until she did finish, but I didn't mind at all. But when I walked in, Bella was bowing on the stage, bloodred from blushing. Everyone was shouting and clapping, amazed by her sweet voice as I was. I thought she was so adorable how she was blushing from her amazing performance.

"Okay," the woman playing the piano said, "do you want to continue onto your next piece, Bella?" I walked to the stage, climbing the stairs. She saw me, then turned her attention back to Bella. I was hopoing she'd say yes. Bella should sing forever with that beautiful voice of hers.

"Yes, Miss Victoria. I would like to continue. But it's a really long song, about six minutes," Bella said.

"Well, in that case," Miss Victoria looked to me, "can you come froward?" I did, walking to the front of the classroom. Miss Victoria walked to my side. "Everyone, this is Edward Cullen. He is going to be the accompanist for our Chamber Choir. Say 'hello' class." There was a chorus of 'hellos' and 'what's up's. I nodded to their acknolegements, wondering where I'd be sitting.

"Edward, you can sit at the piano." I did, watching Bella turn red. Well, more red than she already was. "There is the sheet music for Bella's solos and the class reperatoire for the entire year. I assume you've take private lessons for quite some time?"

"Yes, since I was four," I responded. Bella smiled. I gave her a smile in return. She flooded with blood again.

"Well, then this stuff should be easy for you, and I assume you can sightread?" Miss Victoria pressed.

"Yes, very well, actually," I said with a crooked smile.

"Good. Bella, start with "Think of Me". _Phantom of the Opera?_

Bella looked at her sheet music, clearing her throat and taking on the correct singing posture. I looked for the sheet music labled "Think of Me," then looked at Bella so she could acknowledge me when she was ready. She turned, gave me a small nod and I began to play the accompaniment.

_Think of me,  
think of me, fondly,  
when we've said  
goodbye.  
Remember me  
once in a while -  
please promise me  
you'll try._

When you find  
that, once  
again, you long  
to take your heart back  
and be free -  
if you  
ever find  
a moment,  
spare a thought  
for me ...

We never said  
our love  
was evergreen,  
or as unchanging  
as the sea -  
but if  
you can still  
remember,  
stop and think  
of me ...

Think of all the things  
we've said and seen -  
don't think about the way  
things might have been ...

Think of me,  
think of me waking,  
silent and  
resigned.  
Imagine me,  
trying to hard  
to put you  
from my mind.

Recall those days,  
look back on  
all those times,  
think of the things  
we'll never do -  
there will  
never be  
a day, when  
I won't think  
of you ...

It skipped over the male voice part, and Bella kept on singing, her voice the most beautiful I'd ever heard.

_We never said  
our love  
was evergreen  
or as unchanging  
as the sea -  
but please  
promise me,  
that sometimes,  
you wil think. . . ._

She hesitated, and honestly, it scared me. I wasn't sure if she be able to hit a note that high on the scale, but of course, she surprises me all the time.

_of me! __  
_  
She hels the note infinitessimally, as it should have been, but then stopped to breathe.

Everyone aplauded, and there was even hollering going on in the audience. She bowed and then she looked at me, her face blood red. I thought it was so cute how she was so embarrassed by her amazing talent.

"Great! Bella, it was wonderful!" Miss Victoria chimed from the audience. I stood up, walkinng over to her and giving her a well earned embrace. Not that she would ever have to earn me. I was already hers, and she knew that.

"You were beautiful Bella."

"Oh! great! you know each other?" Miss Victoria asked.

"Yes. Edward is my boyfriend," Bella admitted. Miss Victoria's eyes opened wide. What was so wrong with Bella that I couldn't be with her? What was so great about the rest of the population of the other girls at this school?

"Oh," she said with a tone of surprise. It was really starting to annoy me that she was classified as inadequate to be with someone like me. No one even knew me.

"Yeah, so we'll be able to practice frequently." Bella smiled at Miss Victoria, then gathered her things from the stage then she took my hand. We made it out of class, walking to our next, which, luckily, didn't change. We had that class together.

Throughout the day, Bella and I talked and deeply got to know each other. She was the kindest heart to ever grace this planet, and I was sure glad to know her.

"Edward," Bella said when she closed the door to her bedroom. She motioned for me to follow her to her bed. I sat at the edge, while she plugged her iPod into it's speakers. It was Evancescence playing. Bella sat down, then she fell back. She was silent, her eyes closed. So, I couldn't help it.

Bella's body was perfect. There was no flaw anywhere, as she breathed in and out peacefully. Her legs were long, as was her midsection, all of her clothing fitting perfectly to her. She was absolutely gorgeous, and I mentally scolded myself for thinking about taking her clothes off.

She opened her eyes and smiled briefly.

"Bella, what's the matter?" I asked her.

"Nothing," she lied.

"You're not a great liar," I commented. She smiled and hit my arm playfully.

"I know. I just- I'm really tired. I've been having nightmares for the past few nights and I'm not sleeping all that great." She yawned. She tucked herself underneath her blankets. I stood up.

"Where are you going?" she asked, fright coloring her voice.

"I thought you wanted to sleep."

"I do."

"Then?"

"You don't have to leave. Come lay with me. Open the door so Renee and Phil know it's innocent." I stared at her in disbelief, but complied. How could I have not. She looked so sweet.

I crawled into bed next to her, kicking off my sneakers. Though she had slept over my house two nights before, we hadn't been this close. We kept our actions innocent. After all she was there for Alice.

She hugged close to me, her arms around my waist. Believe it or not, we actually fell asleep.

_Listen (listen) Listen (listen)_

_Listen to each drop of rain (listen listen)  
whispering secrets in vain, (listen listen)  
Frantically searching for someone to hear  
their story before they hit ground._

_Please don't let go!  
Can't we stay for awhile?  
It's just too hard to say goodbye.  
Listen to the Rain!_

_Listen listen listen ... to the Rain  
Weeping._

_Listen (listen) Listen (listen)  
Listen (listen) Listen (listen)_

_I stand alone in the storm.  
Suddenly sweet words take hold:  
"Hurry!" they say, "for you haven't much time!  
"Open your eyes to the love around you;  
"you may feel you're alone,  
"but I'm here still with you.  
"You can do what you dream,  
"just remember to  
"Listen to the Rain."  
Listen.._

**I wanted to make it sweet. I'm proud of it. Oh, and btw, I'm changing the rating to like "T". If you want smut, read my other stories. They're filled.**


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey, missy, time to wake up."

My eyes fluttered and I felt arms wrapped around my waist. They subconsciously pulled me tighter.

My mother gave me a stern look before turning to leave my bedroom. Edward was lying next to me, and it was already twilight. Oops.

I shook Edward awake beside me. He opened his eyes, and they sparkled lazily. I smiled at him. "Hey sleepy head," I said softly.

He smiled back. "Hey Bella. Are we in trouble?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No, you're fine. I think it's because she doesn't know who you are exactly. She's usually laid back. She's just looking out for me." I smiled at him softly, sleepily.

"Oh."

"But that's good. Because once she gets to know you she'll love you. He'll love you so much she'll probably adopt you and get rid of me." I smiled again and pulled him softly toward me to initiate a kiss. It was a friendly kiss, a cute kiss, not going into anything passionate and heat filled just yet, so I was good.

"Mmm," I said, pulling away. "Do you want to stay for dinner?"

"I should probably get home," he said instead.

"Okay. Did you like today?" I asked.

He smiled the crooked smile. "Yes. Today was . . . nice." He took my hand.

He kissed me again, this time it was a lot more passionate than it should have been. Edward held my body close to his and we kissed for a while. I wasn't sure how this would work, but for me it worked perfectly fine.

"Hey," Renee called from downstairs. "Bella sweetheart, dinner is ready."

"Kay," I said pulling away. But Edward only moved down to kiss my neck. I threw my head back to give him greater access. He suckled my neck a while, for sure leaving marks with his mouth. But I was to beyond to care. It really didn't matter to me anymore. Especially because I had this perfect guy in my bedroom kissing me.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay. After dinner we could come back up here," I suggested with a smile.

"I guess, I have a feeling you'll take me hostage otherwise," he teased.

"How right you are."

Downstairs, we ate our dinner, after Edward called his parents, and then we excused ourselves to go study for school. My mother bought that excuse easily because she knew how good in school I was. And not because I suddenly had a boyfriend.

After about a half an hour of making out with Edward, the doorbell rang. We ignored it since Renee was down there.

Five seconds later, Jacob came into my bedroom. At the sound of the door opening we pulled apart.

"It's called knocking, shithead," I said to him.

"Your mom said you were studying, liar." He stood there in the doorway, like he didn't want to come over because he thought that Edward was weird or something. I wanted to go ahead and punch him in the face.

"We don't have cooties Jake," I said. He muttered something that sounded a lot like, "Can't be to sure," and then walked over to my desk. He sat in the chair and handed me a bag.

"Seth's mom made brownies. She told me to give some to you. She knows you always burn yours."

"Well, I'm to busy to pay attention. Sorry!" I said with a smile. There were three of them. It would have been, before Edward, one for me, one for Jacob, and we' split the third after playing one game of Go Fish. It was tradition. But now, saved the third and split one with Edward. Somehow, I felt like I had to make something up to Jake.

"I'm going to head home, Bella," Edward said. He gave me a polite kiss on the cheek and then left my bedroom.

"You're an ass, you know that?" I said to Jacob.

"Why do I get to be the ass?" he retorted.

"Why do you have to treat Edward that way? He's done nothing to you."

"Bella, You know how I feel about you."

"I do know Jake. I do. But I don't feel that way about you. I love you Jacob. With all my heart, but I'm not in love with you. I'm not the girl for you. I can be your best friend, your sister, but I can't be with you tat way. It's not me. And I can't. I'm sorry Jake."

"How about a game of Go Fish, for old time's sake?"

I smiled. "Fine. You staying he night?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Alright then. Hop on," I said referring to my bed. He smiled and kicked off his boots climbing on. I pulled out the cards from my night stand and in came Edward walking in.

I looked up at him."What's wrong?"

"Forgot my bag," he said. He walked over to my bed and grabbed his bag. He kissed my lips lightly before walking out. Jacob's face was expressionless."

"Don't start Jake."

"Whatever. Pass out the cards."

"I don't want to play like that if you're going to be an absolute asshole," I said.

"Did he have to show off?"

"Jacob," I said softly. "If you don't like my relationship, I suggest you deal with it, or don't talk to me."

"Fine." He stood up to leave. "Have a happy life with him." He stormed out of my bedroom and seconds later, I heard the door slam. Tears came to my eyes.

After a few minutes, my mother and Alice came into the room. My mom gave me a small smile and a cup of hot cocoa to the both of us.

"I know you've known my annoying ass for three days, but you can tell me what's wrong," Alice said.

"How'd you know to come over?"

"I'm telling you, I'm psychic."

I laughed. "I'm sure you are."

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I like Edward. I like him a lot. So much." I looked at her face. Finding something I didn't know what I was looking for. She took my hand and sipped her cocoa.

"Then what's the problem baby?" she asked.

"I can't hurt him, Jacob. He doesn't like Edward."

"He'll come around," Alice said.

"You want to stay the night?"

"Sure. You look like you could use a little girl time." Alice grabbed my brush from my bedside table and pulled the pony elastic from my hair. She ran the brush through my hair and started telling storied about when she and Edward were little.

"Once, we were in the park and Edward was playing with this little girl. Her name was Maggie and she was out next door neighbor. He was chasing her and she was laughing and we were all having fun. We were all like eight years old. S he tackles her and she's laughing and all. Then all of a sudden, he kisses her and she pulls away and shouts, 'Ew! Cooties!' and runs away. He swore of girls at that very moment. Until middle school and high school when he met Tanya. She was really nice to him. Really nice. But she moved away and they lost contact. I can tell you, he's kind of has bad luck with girls."

"Edward? Bad luck? But he's so kind and sweet! Why would he have bad luck?" I said.

"Because no one likes him for him. For the great piano player he is, or how amazing his thoughts are, or how genuine his heart is. And then you come along and you're making Edward forget everything. Edward is usually responsible and level headed. But he comes home late now, and he forgets to do his chores. He hasn't done his homework and it's nine thirty. He ignores everything, and now he plays the most vibrant music on the piano. He's changed and it has become so noticeable in the past three days. He's head over heels for you and nothing is ever going to change that." She giggled. "Just remember that I am the one who set you guys up when you're trying to pick your maid of honor."

"Don't worry Ali. That is guaranteed you spot. No matter what."

She hugged me and I hugged her back. "Ready for bed?"

"Yeah. There's pajamas in the bottom drawer of that dresser and an extra toothbrush in the bathroom."

"Thanks Bella," she said. "I'll be right out."

But before she left, I was out cold.

EPOV

I woke up in the middle of the night. I was tired as hell, but I needed to talk to my little sister. Only, she wasn't there. No fair. She got to spend the night with Bella while I was here all by myself. I sighed.

I walked downstairs to get some water and my mother was sitting at the dining room table reading.

"Hey, baby," she said looking up at me.

"Hey Mom. What are you doing up so late?" I asked her, sitting next to her.

"Nothing, couldn't sleep. Want me to fix you something?" She said sweetly. I shook my head.

"No. I'll just steal your coffee." I took a drink and passed it to her.

"You really like that girl don't you?" she asked.

I nodded. "Is it that obvious?"

She smiled. "Baby, it is okay to like a girl."

"I know Mom. But this isn't just like. I mean. It's been three days and she's all I ever think bout. And what gets me is her modesty. Mom, she's perfect. She's beautiful and she doesn't even try. And her smile it drives me crazy. And it's the way she does that whole sparkle thing with her eyes. She's all I could ever want."

"Then why do you sound like something is bothering you?" she asked. We migrated to the kitchen where she was serving us both cake and hot chocolate.

"Because she's got this friend and he's being a real ass to her."

"Language Edward."

"Sorry, but he is. And he's making Bella mad all the time. And I'm not sure if I can keep doing this to her." I sighed and ate my cake.

"Doing what?"

"Making her mad. If he wants her and it's going to keep messing with her, I'm not going to help it. I'd rather be her best friend and see her mad than see her miserable as her boyfriend. Can't let it happen."

"Edward. You have to follow your instincts."

"Mom, that's what you're supposed to say to a girl."

"No, it's what I'm going to say to my son who's in love with the girl next door." She said. "Don't let something hold you back from what s rightly yours. If you want her, you pursue her and make her feel like she'd the luckiest woman alive. And she'll know, because a woman always knows, Edward, who is right for her. Do you understand me?"

"Yeah." I kissed her cheek. "Thanks. I'm going to head up to bed."

"Goodnight sweetie," she said.

In my bedroom I sat on my bed and pulled out my laptop. I went to Alice's blog site to find out a little bit more about Bella.

And that wasn't a hard task.

Like she knew I was going to look, she had Bella's stats charted of in a column titled "B.E.L.L.A." I read the entire page.

**Brown hair, a gorgeous pair of eyes, and the best homemade cookies ever!**

**Isabella Swan, also known as Bella my new BFF and brand new foreign exchange sister, is the sweetest girl you could ever meet.**

**Yeah, yeah, I know. That's great. Why should you care?**

**Well, apparently, the comments you leave suggest otherwise.**

**Bella is my new project.**

**Yeah, she's going under the BFF makeover.**

**But she's perfect, you say. And I know. I know.**

**But it's not a big change.**

**I'm just trying to get her out of her shell so she'll realize she and my brother are perfect for each other. A match made in heaven.**

*********

**Well here are a couple of facts about her.**

**She's Five four.**

**She likes cookies better than brownies though she'll kill for Mrs. Clearwater's brownies any day.**

**She likes the color Green. (I only think that because that's the color of my brother's eyes.)**

**She loves to read.**

**She likes home made presents better than bought ones.**

**She adores daisies.**

**She likes simplicity.**

**She hates surprises.**

**She hates the color orange.**

**Her favorite animal is a penguin.**

**She loves Florida.**

**Her favorite planet is Jupiter.**

**And last but not least, she absolutely cannot live without . . . drum roll please . . . trust.**

**Now you know Bella, almost as much as me, but not quite.**

**Oh, and I almost forgot.**

**B.E.L.L.A. stands for**

**Beautiful**

**Exquisite**

**Lovely**

**Little**

**Angel**

**Stay fetch guys.**

**Love,**

**Alice In Wonderland**

**Ps. I'll be updating my page tomorrow and you'll get the full monstrosity of my school.**

**And when I say monstrosity, I mean monstrosity.**

Wow. Bella seems to be the sweetest girl in the history of females. And she likes daisies. It was a simple gesture of affection, but I'd get her a daisy tomorrow.

I woke up to the sound of the radio playing fluffy punk rock music.

Alice.

I groaned and tried to turn over in my bed to fall back asleep. Why the hell was she blasting that stuff right now? I wanted to sleep and she was disturbing me. Didn't she know that? God.

Then I remembered about Bella.

Yesterday she had taken herself to school. Maybe I could take her for breakfast before school and take her to school. Alice could take her Porsche. Just a gesture of affection.

I sprang up from my bed and ran to the shower. I dressed in a simple pair of jeans and a gray American Eagle T-shirt and brushed my teeth, not bothering anything was my hair since it insisted on staying like that no matter what. I put on my shoes and walked over to Bella's house. I knocked on the door, and when she answered, she was in a towel.

Oh, God. If she was hot, I didn't know what was.

Bella blushed and hugged her body tighter. "Good morning Edward, I-um, well, I didn't expect you to come here. Not at this time."

"Oh, well I was wondering if you wanted to eat breakfast before we go to school, today. And maybe I can take you . . ."

"God, that would be so great! My truck was acting stupid yesterday, so it's nice to have something to rely on, you know. Thanks Edward. Oh, and I's love to go to breakfast with you." She smiled and blushed. "Well, um, I'm going to, um, yeah."

"Just come over when you're ready." I smiled and kissed her cheek. She blushed again.

"Kay."

She closed the door and I turned to walk back to my house. My mother, father, and Alice were all at the breakfast table. But I passed them and went to the back yard where my mother had already planted so many types of flowers. I picked the only one that would really matter to Bella.

In the dining room, my father greeted me.

"Good morning, son," my father said as I walked into the room.

"Morning Dad, Mom, evil pixie intent on ruling the world," I said back.

"Morning to you to Edward," she said dryly.

"Are you going to have breakfast now?" My mother asked.

"No. I'm taking Bella for breakfast this morning. I'm just waiting until she's ready," I said.

Carlisle smiled. "That young lady is quite the girl. Very pretty. You know I haven't seen her in a while."

"That's because she hasn't fallen recently. But she burns brownies," I said.

My mother laughed. "But I've heard from Alice that he makes the best cookies ever."

"I'm pretty sure she does, though I have yet to try them," I said. Just then the door bell rang. I stood up and almost raced to answer it. Jesus I was pathetic.

And there was Bella, in a simple pair of fitted worn jeans and a pale green tank top. Her hair was still wet, and I could smell the strawberries. God she was heaven.

"Hi," she said shyly.

I handed her the flower, and her already pretty face brightened to it extreme.

"Wow! A daisy for me?" She leaned forward and hugged me tightly, finding my lips and making really good use of them.

"Eww, guys. Get a room." Alice brushed past us to the garage.

"How is Alice getting to school then?" she asked.

"She has her own car. It's just a lot more . . . ostentatious than the others."

"What do you mean?"

"Well," I said, leading her from the house to the Volvo, "she's got a Porsche."

"Ah. I see."

We climbed in the Volvo and she gave me directions to a little diner. She wasn't hungry and neither was I, so we just ordered coffee and we sat there talking to each other.

"How did you know I like Daisies?" she asked.

"Do you know that Alice has a website?" I asked her in return. She shrugged.

"Yeah, she told me, but she didn't exactly get into detail about it."

"Well," I said. "It's called Alice In Wonderland. And everything about her life is on that thing. Everything. It's like her online diary," I told her. "Everything she thinks about, everything she ever could dream about is on there. And so are you."

"Me?" she asked, like it was an impossible concept to understand.

"Yeah. Things like major facts. And Alice works fast, so I knew she'd have a column about you."

"A Column?"

"A page. Your own link. And I thought maybe I could find out a few things about you. And I did. Like that you loved daisies."

"A whole page?" She asked incredulously. She pulled out her cell phone. "Give me the website."

I did and she typed it into her iPhone. Her eyes grew wide. She clicked something, and immediately became engrossed in what she was reading. She looked amazed.

"She calls you Eddie," Bella said with a little laugh.

"Yes, she does," I said a little annoyed. "I really don't allow anyone besides my mother to call me by that name. I really don't like it all that much."

"What if I call you Eddie?" She asked with the most sparkling of gazes.

"Well, I'm afraid, against my own liking, it would probably grow on me."

She smiled. "Come on, let's get to school," she said.

**Completely late I know, and a completely sucky authors' not, but here's a filler chapter. Nothing really happens, but I thought it'd be nice to put Esme in with a convo with Edward, and have Edward and Bella learn some stuff about each other. Sorry it's late, but I should have a chapter up by Monday. If not. . . Sorry in advance.**


	6. Chapter 6

**This is a surprise chapter, definitely, because I hadn't expected for it to be this way. But Enjoy anyways!**

BPOV

Months had passed, and Edward and Alice were no longer the talk of the city. Alice had begun dating Jasper, and everything seemed to be going well.

Just like Edward and I.

Alice, Carlisle, and Esme had left for Chicago for Christmas, just as well, my parents had gone on vacation after I had practically pushed them out of the door.

So Edward and I were alone. And we alternated houses every night for a week, settling in my bedroom on Christmas Eve. We were up in my bedroom, listening to a mix from my iPod. Lily Allen, the Used, Slipknot, Breaking Benjamin . . . wonderful stuff.

"So what do we do?" I asked Edward.

"I have a few ideas," he said. I smiled.

He kissed me, blowing my mind like he always did. And we made out for a long while, it escalating into something I didn't recognize. Edward touched my breasts, and I wanted him to. I did. So we started taking off our clothes, but before we actually went any further, we sat in front of each other.

"Do you want to?" I asked.

"Do you?" he said.

I nodded.

And he nodded too.

And so we did. He lay me back on my bed, kissing me more passionate than I had ever known. And we further undressed each other. Edward pulled back and looked at me.

He was going to say something, but I cut him off, saying, "Shut up and make love to me."

He chuckled. And that's exactly what we did.

And it was the most amazing thing I'd ever experienced.

I never fully dwelled on the idea of sex with Edward, but I never knew how amazing it could be. And it was very amazing. I could never not want him that way ever again.

* * *

After school, Edward and Alice came over to my house. It was the first time Alice met, Jacob, and I could tell she was trying to cope and be nice, unlike Edward, whose dislike for my best friend could be seen in the tension in his body, just like with Jacob.

So we all endured a movie and then Jacob went home. But not before pulling me into the other room to talk to me.

"I hate them both. The boyfriend, I can tolerate. But the little pixie girl gives me the creeps," he said. "How can you be friends with them?"

I smacked him clear across the friends.

"Get out, and don't come back Jacob. I can tolerate your silent disapproval, but not when you're going to bash them right when they're in the next room. Don't even call. I don't want to talk to you ever again."

And I stomped out of the room. How could I tolerate it when he was bashing my friends?

I went up to my bedroom, and slammed the door shut.

After a few minutes, someone knocked on the door.

"Jacob, I said go away! You filthy mother fu-"

Edward walked in instead. I held back the rest of my word.

"That bad, huh?" he asked.

"He's such a jerk, Edward. I love you and Alice. You guys are perfect for me. And he just can't get it that I don't like him."

Edward's face was a little somber. I shut up and asked him what was wrong.

"Uh, I don't know how I'm going to tell you this," he said.

"What?" I expected him to tell me that he didn't like me anymore, that he didn't want me to be his girlfriend anymore.

"My father got a job offer in Italy, and he took it."

"Oh! That's great!" I hugged him but he didn't hug me back. At all.

I pulled back.

"What? What's wrong?" I asked him.

"Alice, my mother and I are going with him," he said.

"To Italy? Wow, that's far."

"I know Bella, but you have to believe me when I tell you that I don't want to go with them, I don't. I want to stay her, at this school, in this city, with my girl," he said with a drop dead gorgeous smile. I could have melted. And a part of me did.

My eyes sprung tears.

"Your girl?" I said through a teary smile.

He chuckled. "Bella, you've always been my girl."

He leaned forward and kissed me, a wondrous kiss, the kind that had fireworks and angels, and all that crap those corny books say.

I fell back, letting him kiss me hard and so very passionately. It was like he was saying goodbye, but without saying goodbye. And it hurt my heart that I had had him for only a little while, and I had to let him go. I never wanted to let this go. And it just reminded me of that song, by Secondhand Serenade.

It's a shame that it had to be this way  
It's not enough to say I'm sorry  
It's not enough to say I'm sorry

Maybe I'm to blame  
Or maybe were the same  
But either way I can't breathe  
Either way I can't breathe

All I had to say is goodbye  
Were better off this way  
Were better off this way

I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive  
Cause everything were been through  
And everything about you  
Seemed to be a lie  
A guiltless twisted lie  
It made me learn to hate you  
Or hate myself for letting it pass by

All I had to say is goodbye  
Were better off this way  
Were better off this way  
All I had to say is goodbye  
Were better off this way  
Were better off this way

And every, everything isn't only  
What it seemed so hold these  
Words that you never told me  
Its time to say goodbye  
Its time to say goodbye  
Its time to say goodbye  
Goodbye

Bye

Take my hand away  
Spell it out  
Tell me I was wrong  
Tell me I was wrong

Take my hand away  
Spell it out  
Tell me I was wrong  
Tell me I was wrong

Take my hand away  
Spell it out  
Tell me I was wrong  
Tell me I was wrong

Was he really saying goodbye to me? Was he just going to tell me that we couldn't be together anymore? Was I going to have to suffer about because he just wasn't with me?

"Edward," I said against his lips. "Edward, I need to know something," I told him. I opened my eyes and met the greenest of green.

"I'm not letting you go Bella. If it takes every weekend to come and see you, I'll do it. But I'm not letting you go. I can't let this just end. It barely started." He rested against my body, his head on my shoulder and ran my nails through his hair. His arm curled around my waist.

"When are you guys leaving?" I asked him softly.

"Sunday," he said.

It was Thursday.

"Of next year?" I attempted sadly.

"I wish."

I sighed. "I really don't want you to leave, Edward. Not when it's just so good," I said to him.

"I know, Bella, I know." He sighed again. "I got you a gift," he said.

I smiled at him. "For what?"

"Well, I was supposed to give it to you first, before me telling you, but I forgot." He smiled at me. I followed him downstairs. He took a little blue Tiffany's box out of his back pack, and then another. I only knew they were from Tiffany's because it was the same kind of box my mom got her engagement ring from Phil.

"Here, this one is from Alice," he said. I opened it. And there was a half if a lady bug. This half said _Bella, Alice's Bff. Don't mess with her or I'll burn you. :)_

I laughed. I put it on. And then Edward gave me the other gift. When I opened it, it was a necklace, but it was attached to a silver key. The base was a locket, empty, but still, it made my eyes water. I loved it. So much.

"Wow, Edward. This is amazing. I don't know what to say . . ."

He helped me put it on, it hung just a little bit lower than Alice's gift, but it was amazing. I tackled Edward with a kiss. He chuckled against my lips, but I just kissed him, hard and passionately. I loved the feeling that rose within me.

"You are amazing," I said to him.

"I know," he said with a playful grin. And he kissed me back.  
Sunday came too fast. I didn't even know school passed and the weekend was over before I even knew it had begun.

I did Edward's family the favor of driving them to the airport on that morning. Edward, Alice and I were in the back, and we were all holding hands, just trying to get the best of each other's company before they left me.

At the airport, we were about an hour early, so Edward and I sat at the coffee shop, drinking coffee and sitting next to him, his arm wrapped around my shoulder.

We didn't talk much, just kind of sat there together; ignoring the rest of the world, because all that was there was me and Edward. That's it.

I sipped my frapaccino and then cuddled closer to Edward.

And then, before I knew it, an hour had passed already.

"Edward," Alice said. "Ten minutes." She hugged me, with tears in her eyes, and then walked away.

I looked up at Edward. His jaw was set. I kissed him, anywhere I could reach. And he kissed me back. It was a tired kind of kiss, like he was saying goodbye, but not really. Like it was a see you later, but it'll be a while.

Then out ten minutes were up.

"You're the best thing that's happened to me. Don't cry Bella, please don't cry." Edward hugged me tight, but I sobbed. He was really leaving. And I couldn't believe it. I wanted to just hold him forever, but I pulled it together and kissed him one last time, before seeing him walk away from me.

"Bye," I said.

"Bye," he said back.

I watched him leave all the way, crossing my arms over my chest and then smiled when he looked at me one last time. And then I went home. My mom and Phil were home, and I must have looked like a mess, because my mom came over to me and gathered me into her arms. And I cried.

"He left, Mommy, he left me," I said to him.

"It's okay baby, It's okay. I talked to Carlisle and Esme, and we arranged it for Alice and Edward to come down for Spring Break." I looked up at her.

I'd see Edward in three freaking months. What the Eff? How was that fair for me? For him? For Alice? I just wanted them back. Everything was so great that I couldn't help but smile when I remembered it all. They way we played and how we touched and when we kissed. We were perfect, able to love each other. Now that was all ruined. All the way ruined. And it just didn't seem to matter, because three years later, I hadn't heard from Edward or Alice or any of the Cullens.

And that was it.

"_Your girl?" I said through a teary smile. _

_He chuckled. "Bella, you've always been my girl." _

_He leaned forward and kissed me, a wondrous kiss, the kind that had fireworks and angels, and all that crap those corny books say. _

I was beginning to think that it was all a dream. Especially since it wasn't Edward that was in my bed, after waiting three years for the boy of my dreams but Jacob Black, my best friend.

My hand instinctively went up to the silver key-locket he'd given me. I couldn't just give up on him. He'd come back to me. He would. I could feel it in my soul.

"Hey Bella," Jacob said next to me.

"Yeah, Jake?"

"Will you marry me now?" he said. He tossed me a box. Inside was a pretty ring with a solitary diamond.

"Sure."

"Really?"

"I've got no one better," I said with a shrug.

"Good."

And then Jacob and I made love again.

And while it was Jacob, I thought of Edward, all the things he did, the ways he touched me. And in that little fantasy, I was content.  
I woke up in a sweat, in my bed, still seventeen years old. It was dark, and my mother was sleeping next to me. I was still seventeen and still in high school. And I wasn't getting married to Jacob.

I sighed.

As much as that scared me, I lay back, resting, calming myself, and not wanting to wake my mom.

And then I remembered the hours I spent with her crying. Crying over Edward.

I sighed again. He really was gone.

I proved it to myself when I went downstairs, in my pajamas, and then next door, the windows curtainless and everything inside bare.

But what caught my eye was the note that was peeking out from the windowsill.

I took it and read it. I recognized Edward's hand writing right away.

_Bella,  
My dad didn't get a job in Italy. It wasn't because of him that we moved away from you. It was because of Alice and me. Alice and I have leukemia. We stopped receiving chemo in Forks, thinking it would be better here, but in order for us to get better, Italy is where we had to go._

_I hope to God you get this note. And if you don't hopefully someone would tell you. I would have done it myself, but you let me think I was normal. And I never thought about it Bella. But now, I realize that it's not gone, but getting worse. Alice is bad. She could die. And as much as I can't live without you Bella, I can't live without my sister. I hope I get to see you again. I really do._

_You were a miracle in our lives Bella. And don't ever forget that. _

_Love, Edward Cullen_

I didn't know what to make of the letter. All I know was that I read it over and over, and then collapsed unconscious.

**Don't hate me. Review.**

**Love, guys, it makes the world go round. ")**

**Jessie**


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay, I know I left off in a really weird place. And I also realize that chapter was a little more than confusing. But The thing was, Bella was dreaming that Edward never came back for her, and she ended up settling for second best. Jacob, instead of Edward. But ti was just a dramatic dream, and Bella isn't getting married to anyone.**

**Okay, this is for the Jacob fans. JACOB WILL FIND LOVE!!! I know I've treated him horribly, but don't worry. Jakey will get his. :)**

**As for Alice and Edward, they are sick, so just cope with me for a while. It will all get better.**

EPOV  
I looked so weird without hair. In other words, I was bald. And it wasn't becoming something I liked. Because every time I ran my fingers through my non existent hair, it just reminded me of another thing I didn't have.

Bella.

I hated that I didn't tell her up front why Alice and I were going to Italy, why we were an entire world apart, instead of living next door.

i hated waking up in the morning, and not being able to see her smiling face, to be able to tell her she was beautiful, or hold her delicate little hand.

And the fact that I could only write a note, hoping Bella got it, and then hoping not. I could see her face crumble, knowing that Alice and I would die before we turned nineteen years old.

Disease was a horrible thing. And I couldn't believe that we had to cope with this. And what hurt worse was that Alice was hurting worse than I was. Most days, she was just unconscious and un-lively. And that scared me, because I had never been an overly religious person, but I couldn't help but pray for her every second I got. I prayed that I would get the pain instead of her, that if push came to shove, I would die instead of her.

I loved my sister. Annoying as she was, she deserved life. And I . . .

Well I guess I couldn't say that I didn't deserve life, because that would be like saying that Bella was something not worth living for, and Bella was my life. And even though I didn't know her as well as I would like to, I wasn't ready to die and not ever get to see her again.

To touch her.

To kiss her.

To make love to her.

Bella was everything to me. She was what I never thought I could be, but made me think so.

not once when I was with Bella did I ever think about mine or Alice's disorder. It just didn't come up. Of course I had medication to take and I was lethargic at times, but nothing made me feel like a normal kid than when I was with her.

And it hurt that I couldn't have her anymore.

"Alright Mr. Cullen," the nurse said. I shrugged lazily. "Are you in pain, sweetie?" she asked. I shook my head.

"Is there any possible way that I could see my mother?" I asked her.

"Oh, sure, sweetie. I'll be right back." and she left. I looked over at Alice who was still asleep, her bald head submerged in her pillow. I missed her hair too. She didn't even care when the nurse shaved it off. She always kept it short, but when it came to getting help, Alice was like a zombie. My heart ached for her.

"What hurts? What's wrong? Are you okay? I called you father, he's coming-"

"Mom," I said. I gave her a smile. It was weak, but a smile. "I just wanted to talk to you. Alice is sleeping, so I'm stuck with you," I teased.

"About what sweetie?" she asked. She ran her fingers over my head. I could tell she missed my hair too.

I hesitated. "About Bella," I said to her softly.

"You miss her, don't you?" she asked. I could see she missed her too. I smiled again.

"Yeah, but I was wondering if she could come here. I mean, it's been a month, and I haven't talked to her at all." I looked at her, missing everything about Arizona. I missed the place. Italy was too . . . it just wasn't the place I wanted it to be.

"And why not?" she demanded.

"No one will let me."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"No one will give me the computer, and the doctor's say I shouldn't trouble myself with things like contacting a meaningless girl," I spat.

"Meaningless? Bella is my daughter!" Esme almost shouted. "Who said it? Because I swear, I'll let them have a piece of my mind."

"Mom, can you just go get her? Please. I rather see her than send her a message. Please?" I asked.

Her eyes glistened. "Baby, what are you thinking?" she asked me softly, even though she knew.

"I just want to see her as much as I can before I die," I said to her. And then she burst into tears. And I cried with her too.

BPOV  
It's been a month since Edward left. And I hadn't gotten any contact from him. I'd sent him so many emails I didn't think his account could accept anymore. And then I kept thinking the worst.

What if he died? What if I couldn't ever see him anymore.

No. Esme and Carlisle wouldn't do that to me. They wouldn't go on with their lives without sharing the horrible news. They couldn't. They knew how much Edward and I liked each other. They knew and it was cray ridiculous how head over heels I was for that boy. Just about everything reminded me about him, especially my room.

How could it not, when it was the very place I lost my virginity? Where he made love to me on that night of Christmas eve . . .

Oh, no!

I was forgetting him! I searched my room for him, but I couldn't find him. Anywhere. my sheets smelled like me. My clothes, his hoodie . . . I couldn't remember his smile, his face, his touch.

That was the one thing I couldn't forget, was his touch. The way his arm went around my waist, like it was supposed to be there. The way his lips were perfect against mine, how his fingers laced through mine so perfectly. So perfect. . .

I guess it wasn't fucking perfect anymore, now was it. Wow, sorry, for the language, but I couldn't express myself enough.

I was okay before Edward. I was just okay. My life was average with loving parents and wonderful friends like Jacob . . . but it was after Edward that was so amazing. Edward was my knight in shining armor. My wonderful Prince Charming I didn't know I needed. He was my first everything, just like I was his. He was my first kiss, my first date, my first intimate moment. He was my everything.

My mother freaked out when I wasn't in my room that night I found his note.

**FLASHBACK**

_"Bella! Bella where are you?" I heard her faintly since I was outside on the ground, clutching the sheet of paper to my chest. I finally heard the door open and she came running outside, a spastic, spasmodic mess. When she found me, she was calling to me, asking me what was wrong and if I was hurt. Then she took the note from my hand. She read it and she just stared at me. Just stared. And I stared back, and we both cried._

_Eventually, Phil came looking for us. Renee could walk on her own, but my body just didn't work that way. I couldn't stand up for myself, so Phil carried me inside. I saw my mom give him the note. He read it, and his face looked torn._

_I'll be the first to mention that Phil wasn't a big part of my life, but for the six months Edward and I had been together, he could only see how much Edward meant to me. He set the page down and picked my body up. Renee followed as he took me to my room._

_They were standing in the doorway. But I could hear them talking._

_"Renee, I may not know her like I know you, but damn it if she's not important to me. And that there is something that needs to be taken care of," he said._

_"But I thought it was just a crush-two teenagers can't know what love is," my mother countered._

_"Renee, they love each other more than we could ever."_

_And that was the end of that conversation._

_My mom slept with me as I cried until I fell asleep._

_i didn't go to school for a week, just staying in my room until Renee and Phil got home from work, making it look like I was doing homework and stuff. But I was just doing nothing, just thinking about my best friend and my boyfriend, and how they were so far away from me._

**END FLASHBACK**

School was normal now. And I talked to Jacob. He talked to me. And we were friends again. We were walking to lunch, when I bumped into someone. I didn't recognize her at all, so I thought she must be new.

"I'm sorry, I said to her. She laughed.

"It's fine. It was my fault." She gave me a sparkling smile. That's when I took her appearance in. She was perfect. She was tallish, about five eight, with curvy hips and voluptuous chest, but her clothing was very modest for a teenage girl. She had a bronze highlight color to her chocolate hair. She had large sparkling brown eyes that could rival mine, and perfect M-shaped lips. She was a beautiful girl.

"I'm Renesmee Carlie Brandon."

"Hi, I''m Bella Swan. The drooling wolf over there is Jacob."

"Hi," she said to him. He smiled at her. It was a genuine smile.

"Hi," he said back to her.

I think love is in the air, indefinitely. I smiled and walked away, running into Jasper Hale, Alice's secret boyfriend. He looked up at me, his eyes sad. He took my arm and we sat a table, just the two of us.

"Where is she?" he asked me.

I was surprised she didn't leave him some secret note like Edward had done for me. Because despite how much I admired Edward, and he was mostly all I saw, I wasn't completely blind. Jasper and Alice were as deep in sappy emotions as Edward and I were.

"Alice is in Italy," I said softly.

He continued to stare at me expectantly.

"She's trying to get better, Jasper." I looked at him carefully.

"Getting better from what?" he asked.

"Leukemia." I said softly.

I watched his face crumble into nothing, and tears fall from his eyes. I was crying with him too.

"She can't. She can't because I love her, Bella," he said to me, his voice cracking. I leaned over and pulled him to me, our grips on each other dead tight. I didn't know Jasper very well, but he was really nice. Alice spoke highly of him.

"Do you talk to her?" he asked, wiping his face with his hands. I shook my head.

"I haven't talked to him in what felt like forever. And I wish I would." I paused. "Jasper, I know I don't know you that much, but do you want to hang out? I mean, totally platonic, because Edward and I are still together. But you know, just hang out? As friends." I smiled.

"Sure, Bella. That sound pretty cool."

"Okay. How about after school today? We could go to my house," I said.

"Sure. Sound good. Just let me tell my Queen Bee of a sister and it's all set. Mind if I get a ride with you? She'd kind of drove me to school today."

I shook my head. "no, it's cool. I'll give you a ride home too."

"Cool. See you later then," he said. I nodded. he stood up and walked away and I just sighed, wishing I had Edward by my side, that I was able to smell his sweet scent, feel his warm body, kiss his soft lips. I just wanted him, period.

After school, I drove Jasper to my house. We talked normally in the car, like we had been friends forever. It was refreshing to talk to someone other than Jake. Not that I minded, because I loved him, but a girl needed more friends.

When we arrived at the house, I noticed there was a car in the driveway I didn't recognize. My mother was an avid artist, so it was probably a client taking a look at her work.

I ushered Jasper inside.

And I almost jumped out of my skin when I saw what was going on.

Esme was sitting ont he sofa, conversing with my mother lightly. When they looked at us, I let out a scream and jumped on Esme as soon as she stood up.

"Oh my God! it's so wonderful to see you. How are Edward and Alice? Are they okay? Are they hurt? I mean more than usual? Are they okay? Is Alice doing any better? Is Edward doing okay? Please tell me he's alright! They're not doing worse are they? they just don't deserve any of this. And what about you? How have you been? Are you doing well? How are you?" I finally stopped and Esme smiled.

"They're doing fine, Bella," she said. "Alice is still in critical condition, but she's getting better slowly. It might be possible that they could beat this." She looked past me to Jasper. "You must be Jasper. My daughter speaks highly of you. Very highly. She talks more now than ever." We laughed, but it was uneasy.

"It's nice to meet you Mrs. Cullen," Jasper said politely.

"Well, there is a reason I'm here, and though visiting you would be a reason, it's not the main one. If it's alright with your parents, Mr. Whitlock, I'm taking you and Bella back to Italy to see the twins."

Jasper and I looked at each other and I screamed as he spun me around. It made me a little sad though since Edward used to do the same to me. I sighed and pasted a smile on my face, being bright for Esme. After all, they were her kids.

"When do we leave?" Jasper asked.

"In a few hours. So it would be wise for you to get home and ask your parents about the matter," Esme said.

"I only live with my sister. Our parents are off in Austria. And I'm eighteen."

Esme studied him. And then she nodded. "Well, Bella, take him home to get ready."

I did, all in a daze, and then drove back to my house where I packed my own things, and then the three of us were off to see Edward and Alice.

This day couldn't have gone any better, even if I knew it was going to happen. I was just too happy, too amazed at the fact I was going to be able to hold Edward again after a whole month of not seeing him. I couldn't wait.

Jasper and I were antsy on the plane ride and Esme looked worried. She had a right to be. Her most prized possessions were lying in hospital beds, trying to recover the death that was hovering so close.

When we got off the plane, Esme didn't directly take us to them. We stopped for food first and I was grateful. I ate voraciously, as did Jasper.

"Bella, Jasper, I need to tell you something. I need to tell you why Edward and Alice are so very important to us. They, both of them are out miracle children. If I lose them, I lose my world. I imagine that's what the both of you feel as well, but it's different for Carlisle and I." Esme looked at us. Both Jasper and I were listening intently.

"Carlisle and I can't conceive children. We just can't. But we did somehow, and we have Edward and Alice. And they mean so much to us. if I lose them, I can't simply mourn and try again. So you can imagine how much I love them both."

"Don't worry, Mrs. Cullen. We love them as much as you do," Jasper said. I nodded to show my compassion as well.

"I know. So are you both ready?"

"Are we going to the hospital?" I asked. She shook her head.

"No. We're going to the house. They've been released."

She smiled. It meant progress. Both Jasper and I smiled back.

But instead of being excited like I was supposed to be, I was nervous.

But it didn't matter. All I wanted to do was see Edward. See his smile. And after a whole month, I was finally going to.

**Okay. Here's chapter seven. I hope you liked it. It was a little sad, but the next chapter will be even sappier. Until then, review. **

**Jessie.  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for reviewing guys, I really appreciate it. It really makes me happy :) **

**Here's a gift for clicking the green button at the bottom :) . . . .**

**BPOV**  
The new Cullen house was amazing. It was three times the size of the house they had in Phoenix, and so much more beautiful. It was an old house, but it was elegant and the color was amazing, and all it made me think of the olden times, very old fashioned, though was Spain. It was like a Spanish house, but only slightly different because it was Italian.

I looked up at Jasper when we were arriving. He looked just as nervous as I was, and momentarily squeezed my hand, sending me a signal of comfort. I smiled at him and he did the same to me.

"Alright, Jasper and Bella, come with me," Esme said, leading us into the house, while the driver and some other people carried out luggage. She didn't immediately take us to them again, but to our quarters, where we would be spending the week.

My room was wonderful. It was facing the courtyard, where the fountain was. It also over looked what seemed like miles of land. But I had an empty feeling when I saw it. I shouldn't be able to see something this amazing if I didn't have him.

"Esme, can we see them now? Please? The suspense is killing me," I said to her. She nodded. I walked down the hall and grabbed Jasper's arm from where he was sitting in his room, and pulled him with me in the direction we were walking.

"They stay in the same room, only so they aren't alone. And Alice might be sleeping, because, well, she's a lot worse off that Edward is."

My eyes teared up and I could hear the hurt in Esme's voice. I sniffled. Jasper took my hand.

We'd arrived at the end of the hall, two ominous double doors in front of us. Esme knocked, and a nurse answered.  
"Is it alright?" Esme asked, referring to us.

"Yes. They're both awake."

Esme walked in first, and Jasper and I waited outside of the room.

"Edward! Freaking MTV? Again? If I have to watch this shit-Oh, hi Mom-crap again, I'm going to choke you," Alice said.

I didn't want to smile, but I was laughing.

"Mary Alice, I told you about insulting your brother that way," Esme's clear voice said.

"Shut up, Al," Edward said back to Alice. He sounded tired, but it was perfect. More perfect than I could ever imagine.

"Edward!"

"She started it, Mom!" He reasoned. I thought it was cute. His voice have me shivers.

I cried harder, because I forgot the sound, the sweet sound that made me melt ever time I heard it. The sound I've yearned to hear for so long.

Jasper hugged me, and I cried into his shirt.

My boyfriend was dying, and I had absolute control of the matter. And it was killing me that I had to witness the entire ordeal.

"Dears, I've brought some people to visit you. Can you handle it?" Esme asked. She sounded excited.

"Is it the lady from the mall?!" Alice asked, her voice sounding excited. Even sick, she loved the mall. And surprisingly, I wasn't astonished that Esme had people from the mall come and give her choices to shop from her own house.

"No, sweetie. They're much better than Ms. Jones," Esme answered, pleased with herself. "Just keep calm. I don't want to have to call the nurse.

We took that as our cue to go inside.

It wasn't like I thought it would be. I thought they would be lying on their backs, hooked up to seventeen billion different monitors, but they weren't. It was a normal room, with normal furnishings. Alice was tucked into her bed, the one by the windows, piles of blankets surrounding her, her back propped up by dozens of pillows. Edward was lying on his stomach, shirtless and in a pair of Abercrombie jeans, reading something. And it was startling to see that they were both bald. As in no hair. My fingers ached at the fact that Edward didn't have any hair. But it sparked an idea in my mind.

They both looked up and Alice screamed.

The next thing I knew I was in Edward's strong arms and he was spinning me around. And the second I was put down, his lips found mine, and he kissed me long and hard and deliciously. Everything seemed to fall in to place then And I remembered everything about him. Everything.

And believe me when I said I kissed him back. My arms went around his neck, and I pulled him closer, feeling the muscles in his shoulders contract and flex. I moaned in his mouth, and his hands around my waist pulled me closer to his firm body.

When we pulled apart, I clutched to him like a lost little girl, and he seemed to do the same.

"I honestly didn't think I'd see you this soon," he whispered. "I'm surprised my mother even did what I asked. I missed you," he said, his green eyes smiling. And suddenly, he didn't look sick or horrible or on the verge of dying.

"I missed you too. I thought about you everyday, every chance I could get," I said, inhaling his scent I loved so much.

I love you, Isabella." Edward's eyes were serious, glistening fully with meaning.

He'd never told me he loved me. Ever. And because of that, I pulled back.

"You love me?" I asked him, my voice unintentionally riddled with doubt. He nodded.

He was silent, opening his mouth several times, before closing them, thinking of another route of words. "I'm not sure if you wanted me to tell you, but I do. Bella, I couldn't not love you even if I tried. And to think I was forgetting the things I loved about you made me scared, Bella. I couldn't go a day without thinking about you, and everything we did together, but the memories made everything worse, because I couldn't remember that you smile was as beautiful and amazing as the one you have on now. I love you, Bella. i love you, and nothing," he said with hard meaning, _"nothing_ will ever change that_."_ His green eyes were jaded, but I could see the excitement and adoration he had for me. For _me_. Plain and unexciting Bella. But he loved me, and that was all I could ever hope for.

"Edward, I cried for a week straight when I got that note. And I understand why you did it, but sometimes I thought it would have been so much better if you told me straightly. We could have dealt with this, instead of everyday going through whatever I had to face. Sometimes I would sit in my room for hours, trying to remember everything about you, all the things that made me fall in love with you. But I could never remember. And I tore up my room, looking for something that would make me see you, remind me of you. I love you Edward, with all my heart and I just can't bear to lose you." I leaned up and kissed him, but it was a soft kiss that held more love and adoration her had to give me. And I kissed him in kind.

Eventually, we parted, and I just rested against Edward's body, still standing near the doorway. then I looked past Edward and over to my best friend. I walked over to Alice and ran my hand down her bald head, feeling the spikes of her hair wanting out. She sat up slowly, both of us breaking away from the boys' grasps and giving each other hugs. She held me tightly.

"Believe me," she said, "I never thought I was going to see you again." Tears filled her eyes.

"I thought the same thing," I said truthfully.

"I love you Bells," she said. "Maybe not as much as Edward does, or in that same way, but I love you the Alice way, and let me tell you, that's a lot of fucking love," she said.

I smiled at her. "I love you the Bella way, and that's more than you can imagine," I said to her. My hand immediately went to my collar where the pendant of the necklace Alice gave me, and she smiled.

"I was serious about anyone messing with you. I will burn them," she said. I laughed. "I will rise fro the dead and eat them."

But her mention at death, had my smile fading quickly.

"Bella, face it," she said. "We're going to die. I've accepted it. I'm not going to live long after this. And you have to accept this too."

Tears fell over, and down my cheeks. "But you guys are the best thing that ever happened to me. The best, and I never want it to end," I said to her.

"But it will, and it will be okay," she said.

"Alice, stop," Edward said, his voice hard. I turned around and clutched to his body.

"Okay, whatever. I love you Bella," she said to me. "And no one else will more than I do."

We talked a little bit, and though she was my best friend, I could feel the need to pull away from each other and spend time together with our boys. So Alice told me we would have a girls' breakfast tomorrow morning. That settled my heart, and I was able to go lie down with Edward, cuddled up into his side.

And I cried.

**EPOV**

I almost couldn't believe that Bella was here with me. Here with me in my bedroom, kissing me like she hadn't seen me in years. And I indulged in it as much as I could without opverexerting myself. She smiled when she ran her fingers over my scalp.

"I miss you hair," she said softly against my lips.

I laughed. "Me too," I said quite nostalgically. My hand instinctively went ot the top of my head.

She looked pensive. "I bet Alice misses her hair the-"

"No! Don't call me that! Have you seen what I look like?" Alice's voice was raised, and she sounded angry.

I jumped out of the bed and walked over to the door. When I opened it, I saw Alice crumpled on the floor, Jasper kneeling over her. Both Bella and I looked at him.

"I told her she was beautiful, and she flipped," he said.

"Because I'm not beautiful anymore, Jasper," she sobbed. I dropped to her side, taking her form Jasper and into my arms.

"Alice, look at me," I said softly. She did, her crystal blue eyes filled with big tears. I wiped them away. "You are the most beautiful girl here, okay? The most beautiful. Do you understand me?"

"Edward . . ."

"Say it, Ali. Say it."

"No, because I'm not."

"Mary Alice Cullen."

"I'm the most beautiful girl here," she said hesitantly with a smile.

"Good. If you flip out on Jasper again, I'm telling Mom, and you're just going to have to stay with Grandma," I threatened.

"Gosh, you're such a tattle tell." she said, but she said it with a smile. Jasper helped her stand up, and then I turned around to see Bella, but she was no where in sight. She wasn't in the room, so I went downstairs to look for her, but she wasn't there either.

She was probably talking with my mother.

And since I was feeling tired, I decided just a little sleep would hurt. Especially since the next few days would be very Bella filled.

So I lay in my bed in my bedroom, having no trouble finding sleep.

* * *

It was night when I woke up. I sat up, noticing there was a body lying next to mine.

Alice. He pale bald head was peeking out fro the blankets. I gently shook her awake, wanting to know why she was here in my bedroom, rather than in her own with Jasper. And where the hell was Bella. But when she moved, I saw that it wasn't Alice at all. Nope, not at all.

And when she opened her eyes, they weren't the startling blue that I'd know for almost eighteen years of my life, but the depth less brown that I'd come to love.

"Bella?" I yelled. "What the hell did you do to your hair?I"

She sat up and touched her scalp. Her hair was gone. Completely cut off, to the point where it was the same as Alice's and mine. I mean if we could have, we would have kept our hair. But because of chemo, we couldn't. Bella had absolutely no excuse.

"I cut it." She smiled brightly. "Do you like it?" She ran her hand over her head, still smiling brightly.

I laughed. "Bella, why did you shave all your hair off?" I asked her.

"Because Alice needs to know she can be beautiful without hair. Do you think I'm beautiful?" she asked me sleepily.

"Of course I think you're beautiful. The fairest of them all, Bella," I said lightly, missing the long, gorgeous brown locks she normally wore down.

She smiled at me.

"You really didn't have to do that," I told her. She shrugged.

"Why not. It makes Alice feel better, so it makes me feel better."

"But she's going to be mad that she can't play with it anymore," I said. I knew Alice. She'd be pissed.

"No. I went to see her before I came here. Of course, she was a little disappointed, but she went all excited, saying she was going to get us matching outfits." She laughed, and I couldn't help but laughed with her.

We fell into a comfortable silence after a little while, Bella fitting nicely in my arms. She began to hum, and then immediately, I felt nostalgic of her voice.

"Bella, could you sing for me?" I asked her. Her face fell.

"You want me to sing for you? Why?" she asked.

"Because you love me and because I want to hear you," I told her.

"What do you want me to sing for you?" she asked, sitting up from my side. She looked at me, her face blank.

"I don't care. I just want to hear you," I said to her.

"Okay," she said. She climbed on top of me, her body straddling my waist. She traced a finger down my temple to my jaw, singing a song I wasn't familiar with. "You're a song written by the hands of God  
Don't get me wrong  
'Cause this might sound  
To you a bit odd," she sang, a smile forming on her lips.  
But you own the place  
Where all my thoughts  
Go hiding  
And right under your clothes  
Is where I find them . . .

Underneath your clothes  
There's an endless story  
There's the man I chose"- Bella leaned down, whispering in my ear-"There's my territory."

She smiled greatly and continued normally. "And all the things  
I deserve  
For being such  
A good girl honey . . ."

She leaned down, resting her body against mine for a second, before continuing in just a little more than a whisper.

"'Cause of you  
I forgot the  
Smart ways to lie  
Because of you  
I'm running out of  
Reasons to cry  
When the friends are gone  
When the party's over  
We will still belong  
To each other."

She sat up and peeled off her shirt, my eyes drifting down her body, noticing she was only dressed in her lacy light blue bra. She smiled seductively at me.

"Underneath your clothes  
There's an endless story  
There's the man I chose  
There's my territory  
And all the things  
I deserve  
For being such  
A good girl

For being such a . . .

I love you more than all  
That's on the planet  
Movin' talkin' walkin' breathin'  
You know it's true  
Oh baby it's so funny  
You almost don't believe it  
As every voice is hanging from the silence  
Lamps are hanging from the ceiling  
Like a lady tied to her manners  
I'm tied up to this feeling

Underneath your clothes  
There's an endless story  
There's the man I chose  
There's my territory  
And all the things  
I deserve  
For being such  
A good girl, for being such a good girl," she finished, her breath warm against my lips. She then kissed me fully on the mouth, taking my hands to touch her in places guys would only dream of touching.

And all the feelings escalated, excitement and eagerness running through my body.

And then everything fell in to place again, and I didn't think about anything except for the way our bodies touched so intimately, the perfection of it making me forget everything that I had come to Italy for.

**BPOV**

Edward and I made love that evening. I think my choice of song put us both in the mood. And that was okay, because having him that way was amazing. And I wanted to have him in every way possible.

I was lying on Edward's chest, still humming to that Shakira song.

"You're perfect Bella, you know that. You're beautiful, even if you are bald," he said with a light tease. I smiled and kissed his chest.

"You're perfect too Edward," I said to him. "Even if you are bald."

He laughed. And I laughed with him.

"Do you think you'll ever be able to come home, Edward?" I asked him.

"Where's home Bella?" He said. "For twelve years, we've been moving. I told you I lived in Forks all my life, but I didn't. I've been all over the world Bella, trying to get better. Trying. And home is where ever I am. And right now, Bella, home is here in Florence." His voice was tired and exasperated. Twelve years, and they were still fighting.

"No," I whispered. "Home is with me," I said seriously to him.

"What are you getting at here?" Edward asked me.

"Do you love me Edward?" I asked. "Do you love my personality and my witty remarks? My blush and my classic shyness? Not the sex or whatever, but do you love me?"

He nodded. "Bella, I told you I couldn't love anything more in my life."

"Then I feel obligated to tell you that I want to spend the rest of my life with you," I said to him.

"Okay," he said. But his face turned somber. "But what if forever is only the next year and a half, Bella? What if your forever and my forever don't match like they're supposed to? What about that? I could marry you Bella. I could marry you right now. But for what, if it's all getting shot to hell?" he said to me. His voice was rigid and angry. I put my hand on his cheek.

"Because you deserve to have something like this, Edward. You deserve to get married and have kids and live a long full, _happy_ life. You deserve it with someone who loves you, Edward. Just like I deserve to have someone love me fully and completely like you do." I leaned closer, kissing him fully.

But he pulled away.

"You're being irrational Bella. That's nonsense and you know it."

I sat up and looked at him. "Nonsense, Edward? Nonsense? This is not nonsense. But forget it. If you want to die without being happy, I won't take that away from you." I stood out of bed, getting dressed int he clothes I'd dropped all over the floor.

Edward was doing the same, but he was trying to talk reason into me. He stopped his words when he saw my tears.

"You're really serious about this, aren't you?"

"Yes Edward, I am serious about this. I wanted to, but I'm not going to force the idea on you. Whatever you want Edward, I'm willing to give to you. Don't you realize that already? Don't you realize that I'm completely yours for the taking. I always have been. And nothing-not a person, or this thing you have-should stop us from having what ever we want. Do you understand me? Do you? Because I think you're just willing to sulk all by yourself. Jamie didn't do that in _A Walk To Remember_. She coped with it and let love take over her. Why can't you freaking do the same?" I asked him. I sank into the bed, looking up at him.

"I hate when you do that to me," he said.

"Do what? Be right?" I asked with a small bite.

"No. Look at me with those big brown eyes. I can't take it when you do that to me." He sighed and sat down next to me. "I don't want to have something, and give you everything you could possibly imagine, but then have it taken away from you in such a short time. I don't want to hurt you." He took my hand.

"Edward, I rather have something amazing and great for a little while, than have nothing at all. And which would you rather give me? Because it's all up to you, Edward. I love you. And i will do anything for you. You just haven't figured that out yet. You just haven't figured out that I'm going to be here for you forever." I looked up at him and I saw tears in his eyes.

"Bella, I'm scared of this. I'm scared and I don't want to die. I don't Bella. But I don't want Alice to die either. And Alice may be superficial, materialistic, and self-centered sometimes, but when push comes to shove, she's not selfish. Alice is never selfish. And I know she prays as much as I do, for God to take her instead of me. And I think her prayers are working. Because whether or not she wants to admit it, she's getting sicker, and I'm getting better. And I don't want that to happen. I don't want Alice to die. I don't want to die. I just want to be home-with you. But Bella, I don't want to have to put my full heart into it to have nothing left for you," he said. I wiped his face with my fingers, clearing my face of tears as well.

"So what do we do?" I asked him.

"I don't know, Bella. I really don't know. All I know is that I love you. I truly do. And I just can't see what lies ahead of us." He whispered softly in to my ear as we lay back, holding each other firmly.

"But it's not faith if you use your eyes," I cited.

"Isn't that from a song?" Edward said. I smiled.

"Yeah, but isn't it true?"

"Yeah."

**Alright here's the chapter. I hope you guys like it, because this is what you get. If you haven't leaned by now, _A__ Walk to Remember _is my favorite movie. Favorite. And it's also the inspiration of this story. Although, it's very different. But it's what it is. The songs mentioned in this chapter were Shakira's "Underneath Your Clothes" , and Paramore's "Miracle". Look them up if you don't know them. Great songs, promise. :)**

**Love you guys, and I would love you even more if you reviewed . . . just saying.**

**Hope you liked it. **

**Jessie. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Here's your update. I'm not getting as many reviews as I would like to have, especially since there are like a billion of you who add me to your alerts/fave story list. Please review. I promise it won't kill you. I promise. **

**Okay. A lot of things happen in this story, but everything will come out to play. I promise. But if I don't get at least fifteen reviews, I'm not posting the next chapter. And fifteen isn't a lot. But please, take the time out to press the green button at the bottom of the screen. Or you'll be left to wait forever for the next chapter. And judging by what happens, forever is a long time. **

**But in any case, here you are. :)**

BPOV

I woke up the next morning, wrapped in Edward's arms, his head lying on my chest. He was completely asleep, and adorable I might add. It just made me want to snuggle closer to him, breathe in his warm masculine scent, and just be happy in my happy place. But I couldn't completely neglect the fact that I had a waiting best friend for me to join her for breakfast.

So, very reluctantly, I got my ass out of bed and walked to the bathroom, washing my face and brushing my teeth. Boy, did I have morning breath.

Ugh.

I put a hoodie on over the rather revealing camisole I had on over my shorts. It was the hoodie I loved that smelled like Edward. I smiled as I inhaled his scent off of his jacket. I finished up in the bathroom, going downstairs to meet Alice in the enormous kitchen, where she had one of the house maids preparing out meal.

Alice and I had breakfast outside, enjoying the nice weather. She was more tired than normal, so we decided not to dress up and have the breakfast be less than formal. We stayed in our pajamas, bringing out blankets to keep us from getting too cold. We just wanted it to be girl time, while the guys hung out. I noticed that Alice was really conscious of losing her hair; her hand went up to touch it every chance she could get it.

"So Bella," she said, "how's Phoenix?" She gave me a weak smile, and I returned it. Somewhat.

"Boring. You see, there was this girl that lived next to me . . . . she brightened up my life," I said to her. She laughed.

"I can still brighten up your life Bella. It'll just have to be over the phone now," she said with a wind-chime laugh. I smiled at her.

"Well, I think Jacob found love, though," I said, thinking about the new girl. And how if he wasn't treating her right, I would have to kick his ass. Or get Jasper to since he looked like he could take Jacob just fine.

"Oh," Alice said. "That's nice. Apart of me really wishes he would have tried liking us. We aren't that bad," she said with a flashing smile.

"Nope, you guys are just my cup of tea." I smiled back at her.

"Okay, now to the part I really want to talk about," she said. She looked around and then, in a lowered voice, she said, "Me and Jasper, we, like, totally went all the way."

"No way!" I said in a hushed voice, not to draw any attention. She nodded fiercely.

"Yeah. And it was so magical. I couldn't believe it. I loved it, it was so wonderful. It was before we left, before Edward and I started getting really sick. He took me to his house and had his room all decorated with candles. It was his ordinary room, but he went the extra mile to make me happy. And then it happened," she said.

I looked at her. Wow. I couldn't believe it. I always perceived Alice to be a virgin until she was, like, thirty, only because she was so girlie and perfect all the time. It was shocking to say the least.

"So," she continued. "How far have you and Edward gotten? If you don't mind my asking," she corrected.

"You know I don't," I said with a big smile. "And we've gone just as far as you have. It wasn't as romantic, we were just messing around in my room on Christmas Eve, and then clothes started coming off, and there you go, it happened. And I couldn't have been happier," I said to her. "I love Edward. I really do. And not because he's gorgeous, or because he's sick, but for entirely selfish reasons. I love him because he makes me feel like I'm alive.

"Alice, if you would have seen my life before you came, you would have puked. You would have." Alice was laughing hysterically. "Stop laughing! It's not funny!" I said to her. She did, and I continued. "I love Edward because he makes butterflies appear in my stomach for no reason, and I can't ever get over the way he talks to me, like I'm the only girl in the room, or the way he looks at me like I'm a hundred times more beautiful to him than I would be anyone else. I love Edward because we fit together; the way we think so alike is astonishing. It just makes sense for us to be together," I said to her.

"That's why, sweetie, when it's time for God to take one of us, he's going to choose me-Bella don't interrupt me," she said jabbing a finger in my direction when I opened my mouth to protest.

"I've known since I was a little girl that I was different. I could tell when things were going to happen, or what things were going to happen. I didn't know what it was, but it was definitely a strong sense of intuition. And I know this makes you sad, but I could never see myself as a successful woman, or a mother. I just don't think it will ever happen Bella, and that's because I'm probably better off giving angels fashion advice."

We laughed, but it was hard to smile through my tears. I couldn't have Alice be gone away from me. Because if I had Edward, then I had to have Alice too. They were a packaged deal. It was as simple as that.

"Alice, I know you think you're going to leave, but how about we just chill for a few seconds before it happens. Despite what you say, you could be a great mother, or a successful woman, or even an amazing wife," I said to her with a nudge, thinking about Jasper.

"You know, I told Jasper I wanted to get married in a big reception hall, like the Plaza Hotel, only not in the US. And do you know what he told me?" she said. Her face looked skeptical, and I was ready to kick Jasper's ass.

"What? What did he say?" I asked, impatient with her suspense.

"He told me anything I wanted I could have." Her face brightened and she smiled. "That if I wanted it, he would give it to me."

"So . . ." I said confused.

"So if I'm not in a casket by the time I graduate, Jasper said he'd marry me."

I smiled, but inside my heart was broken.

Alice got her dream.

Why couldn't I have mine? Was I incapable of wanting something so amazing with someone so glorious that my request would get shot down?

"Last night I asked Edward to spend the rest of his life with me, and he said no," I said flatly.

Alice laughed. I glared at her. "Bella, I didn't mean it like that. You have to understand that that is a very 'Edward' answer. And the only reason he shot you down was because he wants to protect you. Why would he try to give you whatever he could and then it all gets pulled from right under your feet? Sweetie, Edward wants to. Believe me, I _know_ he wants to. But you're just going to have to be patient with him. Because if you really love him, then you would be."

"Okay," I said to her.

We chatted about some other things, and then finished breakfast. We didn't go inside just yet, prolonging the girl time just for another hour or two.

When we did go inside, the boys were in the dining hall, playing X-Box. They kept playing, even as I sat down with Edward, resting my head on his shoulder. It was a loud shooting game, but boys were boys, regardless of the game.

When it ended, Edward put an arms around me. I giggled a little bit.

"I like your beanie," I told him with a giggle.

He laughed. "Alice has a lot of them. You should get one too. It was nice that you did this, Bella, shaving off all of your hair, but you're going to miss it." He looked at my head nostalgically. "Not to mention I'm going to miss it."

"It's just hair."

He just grunted, and we stood up. I really did like Edward in a beanie. It brought on a new wave of sexiness. I smiled to myself.

When we reached the bedroom, Edward leaned down to kiss me.

"I'm not feeling very well today," he said. "But don't worry. I'm just tired, so I'm going to sleep. You can come with me if you want, or you can do whatever else you want," he said to me. I looked up into his green eyes. He was tired. So tired it made me scared. I just nodded and he laughed.

"Bella, it's okay to leave me," he said. "I'm not going anywhere," he said.

"That may be," I sad back, "but I'll be gone in six days, sweetie. And I'm not leaving here without spending as much time as I can with you."

"Come on."

He really did want to go to sleep. And I could have used a few extra hours. So I lay next to him, cuddling in his strong arms, and resting my head on his chest.

"Just hold me tight," he sang softly in my ear, "lay by my side, and let me be the one that calls you baby all the time."

I smiled.

He continued. "I found my place, in the world, stare at your face for the rest of my days . . ."

"Where is that from, Edward?" I asked softly.

"The Used. It's called 'Smother Me'. I've had it in my head all day."

I smiled again. "It's nice."

"Yeah."

And then we were silent again. I thought idly about a lot of things, death, life, afterlife, angels, while Edward drifted off into sleep.

I untangled myself from him, and went downstairs to see Esme.

She was reading a novel on the sofa, the sunlight streaming in beautifully, causing her her to turn on like a light.

"How are you, Esme?" I said softly as not to startle her.

"Oh, Bella. Sweetie, I'm very fine. I'm just tired. These kids have kept me up all hours of the day with the pain, I'm so happy they're doing so well. So happy. Although, I don't ever see Carlisle anymore. And that kills me sometimes." She gave me a motherly smile.

"But Esme, aren't you lonely? Don't you want to do _something_?" I asked her.

"Well, yes, but what would I do? Bella, I can't leave them and go gallivanting on whatever I decide to do. They're my children, and I can't just leave them. I couldn't stand being away from them for any period of time." She sighed.

"Yes Esme, I get what you're saying, but, I meant did you want to do something together? We could have a little girl's day. I feel like I haven't gotten to know you all that well, and I would really like to."

Esme smiled her motherly smile, but I could tell she was excited to do this. "Okay, Bella, what shall we do?" she asked.

"Well we could watch a movie, or bake," I suggested to her.

"That sounds wonderful. The baking I mean. I haven't baked in a really long time."

So that's what we left to do. And let me tell you. Hanging out with my boyfriend's mother had never been so satisfying.

EPOV

I waited until Bella thought I was asleep to do the thing I wanted most: sneak out of the house. I went to the foot of the stairs and heard Bella and my mother laughing. This couldn't have been easier.

I climbed out of the window of the second story, using the ledge to level myself before completely jumping off. It wasn't that bad . . .

Okay, so maybe it was, but whatever. I needed to make my girlfriend as happy as I could make her, and I was sure that this was the only time I would get.

I took the keys to the Porsche from my pocket, and climbed inside the yellow one that was parked inside the garage.

And like that, I was off to town.

There were a billion things I would have liked to do with Bella here. Italy was so beautiful, especially in the early daytime. Sick or not, I admired it.

But after on a little while of driving, I found the one store I'd been looking for. I went inside, getting funny looks since I was a young looking kid with a beanie and jeans. But I just flashed them a few of the higher numbered bills, and they just smiled and left me to whatever I needed to do.

I looked around for a little while, not quite finding what I wanted.

A lady came up to me, sporting an elegant smile, and spoke to me in Italian.

"Can I help you sir?" she asked. I smiled and answered her, telling her what I was looking for. She raised her eyebrow, as if to judge my comment, and then proceeded to help me find what I needed.

She smiled a lot, telling me how nice it was to do this and all that jazz. But when I got it, I was out of there so fast, not even risking being out any later and having something find out that I'd been out.

I parked the car in the garage and then left back up to the house, climbing up the wall to my window, lying in my bed, hiding the secret thing I'd gotten today in the first drawer of the chest on the far end of the room.

I smiled to myself as Bella came into the room, being as quiet as she could be. She was wearing a pink beanie.

"Black is for boys," she said in a mocking tone. Though I had to admit, Bella did look stunning in pink. It set of her blushing cheeks.

She looked over at me, and then slammed her hands over her mouth.

"It's okay Bella, I was already awake. Come here," I said to her.

She kicked off her shoes, and climbed on the bed. Bella laid her head on my shoulder, breathing in softly. It had only been a little while since I was gone, so whatever Bella and my mother had been doing, they couldn't have been finished already. Not completely anyways.

"So what were you up to?" I asked her.

"Just baking brownies with Mom-I mean Esme." I could almost see the blush that formed on her cheeks when she called my mother "Mom".

"Oh, that's nice," I said to her.

"What's wrong, Edward?" she said. "You're heart is beating a million beats a second." She smiled. "Do you want me to get the nurse or something?"

"No, Bells. That's just what you do to me."

She blushed harder. I had to do it now, or else I wouldn't have ever.

I was nervous, but I leaned forward and kissed her. She kissed back, but she ended up giggling.

"What?" I asked her.

"Nothing. Bella, I 'm just happy. I need to ask you something Bella," I said seriously to her.

"'Kay. What?" she said softly, her face turning neutral.

"It's nothing bad, but remind me of the things we were talking about that night. What you wanted your life to turn out to be," I said to her.

"Why? So you can shoot me down again?" she asked.

"Of course not Bella. I just wanted to know."

"Well, I wanted to have a nice happy life. Get married, have kids, all that jazz," she said to me. Her eyes sparkled with nothing but love. It was quite astonishing really. She was so beautiful, I couldn't help but smile at her.

"Okay, so maybe I have something that can put your dreams in motion," I said to her.

"What? A willing boyfriend?" she said to me. She flashed me a teasing smile.

"That, and something else."

I stood up from the bed and retrieved the bag from the chest. I sat on the bed, in the same place in front of her, placing the bag with the special thing inside in the middle.

She stared at it, and then she stared at me.

"Bella, I love you. I really do. And apparently you love me back if you don't care that I have this stupid disease. And it makes me love you more for that. I can't express how much I love you. Making love to you is close, but still not quite what I'm looking for. You made me less sick, Bella. I forgot that I was sick when I was with you, when I met you. You turned my world completely upside down and I didn't mind. You made me better in ways medicine couldn't, in ways doctors couldn't imagine. They always said laughing was the best medicine, but I think they had it wrong. Love is, and you make me better. If only every man could have a woman like you Bella, or even a teenage guy. Because you make my life complete."

She stared at me, with tears in her eyes, letting them fall over. She was smiling, and I think she knew where I was getting at.

I took out the little box and opened it, showing her what was inside. She gasped, and then covered her mouth with her hands, looking straight into my eyes.

"Isabella Marie Sw-"

"Yes! Yes!" And then she tackled me. And I laughed at her.

And she laughed too, kissing me all over. "Yes, Edward."

"You could have let me finish," I said to her, still laughing.

"I'm impatient, sue me," she said with a giggle.

"I'd rather marry you, Bells."

"Me too. Believe me, me too, Edward."

She pulled back and looked at me. "You didn't have to get me a ring, Edward," she said with a stubborn smile.

The door to the bedroom opened just as I was sliding on the ring on her ring finger.

"What the?" Alice screamed.

Bella covered her ears and what we thought was a scream of excitement, turned out to be a scream of pain when Alice collapse on the floor, hitting her head.

"Esme!" Bella called as I called for the nurse. They both arrived in a heart beat, as well as Jasper. His face was blank. The nurse called for back up, and then they carried Alice's unmoving frame away. Bella was crying, and she was holding on to me so hard I thought I was going to break. But in turn, I held her just as hard, fearing that my twin sister's life was over.

* * *

Esme locked Bella, Jasper, and me in our room so we didn't interfere with Alice's recovery. We didn't even know what was going on, and even though it was killing me, I think it was killing Jasper even more. I didn't know how that was possible. But then again I did, because if anything, anything at all were to happen to Bella, I would definitely go insane. And 'insane' was a mild term for it.

I was pacing in front of the bed, as Bella lay down, her eyes closed and her breathing a little labored. Jasper was also pacing, opposite of me, so that he passed me.

We were all silent.

Then, there was a brutal knock at the door. We all looked at each other, and then my mother let her self into the room.

She was crying.

My heart clenched.

I looked at Bella; she was shedding a new set of tears.

Jasper's face was rigid.

"She won't wake up," Mom said, "and if she doesn't wake up in the next two days, she could die," she whispered.

It was silent for a second as I ran this over in my head. My sister was dying. My best friend was dying. Alice was dying.

And I could do nothing but stand there and stare at my mother.

And then there was the most horrible sound anyone in anytime of their entire life could hear: the flatline of a heart monitor.

**Please don't shoot me. Please don't hate me either. Just keep reading. Keep reading. **

**And review. **

**Please review.**

**And don't forget to not hate me. **

**Jess**


	10. Chapter 10

**Okay. I didn't kill Alice, guys. She's still alive, so hand on to your panties. (Unless you prefer boxers, then hang on to those.)**

**It's a short chapter, but it's a filler. I hope you guys don't hate me. **

EPOV

The beeping noise stopped as fast as it started, and there were all kinds of shouting.

I was scared. I should have been the one to faint, but both my mother and Bella did enough fainting for the both of us.

I tended to Bella while Jasper caught my mother; he was closer to her as I was to Bella. She didn't wake up immediately, so I just picked her up from the floor and lay her back on the bed.

How would I be able to deal with the fact that my sister was dying? Sure, I had Bella, and she was my life, by Alice was my _twin_. Oddly, it was like I was broken into three halves instead of only two. Like I was made up of much more that I was supposed to be. It was as if, Alice was my actual half, because, well, she was. But it was like I had a foreign half, which would be Bella. She was something I couldn't quite live without, but was like adding on to me. But she fit somehow, like there was extra space in my heart for her. They were two of the most important people in my life, if not _the _most.

I already missed her.

My mother came too quicker than Bella, and she clutched to Jasper as they cried. And just watching them made me realize that I wasn't crying.

Was something wrong with me?

Boys didn't cry. Sure, most times that was true. But my sister was dying, and I was just sitting here, holding Bella's hand, waiting patiently for her to wake up.

"Mrs. Cullen?" the nurse came in and said.

My mother looked up at the woman. "Yes?" she said.

"Dr. Carlisle would like to speak to you."

Jasper let my mother go and she stood up and left with the nurse.

I stayed behind, hoping, wishing, praying, that Alice wasn't, in fact, dead.

_Flashback: Twelve Years Ago, age five_

_It was the first day of school today. Mommy was holding Alice's hand and I was her other hand. She kneeled down in front of us, smiling at us both._

"_Edward, you have to look out for your sister, okay?" Mommy said to me. I nodded to her. Alice took my hand, her crystal blue eyes focused on mine. She smiled at me and I smiled back at my sister. _

"_Don't worry Mommy," she said. "Edward is the best brother ever; he always looks after me." _

_Mommy smiled. "Okay. If you guys get sick at all, you tell the teacher. If you feel dizzy or sleepy or even like you want to throw up, you tell. Do you understand me?"_

_We both nodded. _

"_Okay. I'll be back later to come take you home okay? Today you're going to play with some kids, okay?" Mommy looked unsure. _

"_Yes, Mommy," Alice and I said together. _

"_Okay. I love you both okay?" Mommy kissed both of our cheeks, and then she stood up and waved at us._

_I held Alice's hand; because I was scared she would run off and get hurt. Alice was a small five years old. I was bigger than her, and so were most of the kids in our class. I didn't want to not fulfill my job of not looking after her, so we played together all day. Just like we did at home. Alice played with her Barbies, and I drew pictures of whatever came to mind. And when Alice wanted to go play on the jungle gym, I said okay, because the teacher was out there. Nothing could happen when grown ups were around right? _

_So Alice played with another girl, a pretty blonde. They made friends quickly and climbed up to the highest point on the jungle gym. But then another girl, one with strawberry blonde hair pushed Alice down, I watched the whole thing, and I thought Alice was okay. I did. I thought she was fine. But she let out this piercing shriek that shook me out of my thoughts and had me running over to her like I was Flash in a comic book._

_The teacher was slow to get to Alice, but I held her hand, trying to pull her up from the ground. But she screamed again, because her arm was broken. _

"_I'm sorry Alice," I said to her. She shook her head, her long black hair flying all over the place. "Are you okay?"_

_She nodded. "It's okay Edward, it's not your fault. You're the only person who came over to me in time. You're the best brother ever."_

_The teacher came to her then, and they had to take her away from me to the hospital to fix her broken arm. Mommy came to get me that day, and she was mad when I told her the teacher didn't get to her fast enough. _

_At the hospital, I was the first one to sign Alice's cast. She was very giggly and loopy and she made me laugh. _

_Mommy had to talk to the doctor, so she went outside and then Alice let me draw more pictures on her cast. She made me draw girly stuff like hearts and flowers, but I didn't mind; I just wanted her to get better. _

_Mommy came inside, and she was crying. And then the doctor let Alice hop off of the bed she was sitting on, and then the doctor picked me up and put me on the bed. _

"_Edward, they have to take blood from you okay?" Mommy said to me. "If you're good, they'll give you a lollypop, 'kay?" Tears streamed her face and she looked shocked and tired and most of all angry. It sort of scared me because I'd never seen that look in her eyes at all. _

_I nodded to her. Alice stood beside me and she took my hand. I smiled at her, and then I screamed when the needle poked my skin._

_And then the hurt went away, and they took blood from my arm. And then they let me go. _

_After, Mommy told me and Alice to go play in the play room, so we did. Alice and I read some of a book together, page by page, taking turns reading out-loud._

_Then my mother came out and she was crying fully now, and completely freely. _

_"Come on children," she called to us. It was completely unlike her. She never referred to Alice and me as mere _children_. We were always addressed by name. _

_Alice and I did as we were told. _

_Mommy drove us home and then she dashed to Daddy's office where he stayed when he wasn't working in the hospital. _

_Mommy was screaming and Daddy was telling her to calm down, but Mommy was hysterical and it scared me. Alice looked like she was about to cry, so I took her into the kitchen and climbed on a chair to get her favorite cookie Mommy kept hidden from us. She smiled and we sat down on the kitchen floor and shared a cookie._

_"Edward?" she asked me quietly. _

_"Yes, Alice?" I said to her. _

_"What does "leukemia" mean?" she said softly. "I think it's something bad." Her eyes were watery with tears and such, and she looked like she might cry again. But I didn't want her to. _

_"I don't know Alice. Maybe it's something cool, like a superpower," I said to her. She smiled at me. _

_"Okay, cool."_

Turns out it wasn't some cool superhero power. But if I knew Alice, I knew that she would defy death. She would defy the laws because she was just that cool. Maybe, in that sense she was a superhero.

I looked over at Jasper. He was just staring off into space, not quite looking at us, or anything for that matter. And he was just as affected as any of us. I just had to come to like the idea that my sister was involved with a guy. . .

I really didn't like it.

Then again, Bella's dad probably wouldn't like the fact that Bella and I were so close intimately either.

But what's done is done, and that's it.

I thought about a lot of things that Alice and I had gone through. I remember all of her breakups with bad boyfriends, all of the times she fell off her bike, every time she was scared and crept into my bedroom in the night because she was scared. She just was my sister and I wouldn't trade her for the world. I wouldn't. And I didn't want her to die. She didn't deserve to die.

But what if she did? What if she died and I never saw her smiling face again? Never heard her tinkling laugh . . . never was able to console her . . . never see her be happy again . . . I didn't think I could stand that.

Bella was a big part of my life. I loved her. I did. With all my heart. I wanted to marry her. But I know I would never be the same without Alice.

* * *

Somewhere in there, I fell asleep. And I cursed myself for it.

"I can't believe the news today  
Oh, I can't close my eyes and make it go away  
How long, how long must we sing this song?  
How long, how long?  
Tonight, we can be as one tonight

Broken bottles under children's feet  
And bodies strewn across the dead end street  
But I won't heed the battle call  
It puts my back up  
Puts my back up against the wall

Sunday, bloody Sunday  
Sunday, bloody Sunday  
Sunday, bloody Sunday  
Sunday, bloody Sunday

And the battle's just begun  
There's many lost, but tell me who has won  
The trench is dug within our hearts  
And mothers, children, brothers, sisters torn apart

Sunday, bloody Sunday  
Sunday, bloody Sunday

How long, how long must we sing this song?  
How long, how long?

And it's true we are immune  
When fact is fiction and TV reality  
And today the millions cry  
We eat and drink while tomorrow they die, yeah

I wipe the tears from your eyes  
I wipe your tears away  
(Tonight, tonight)  
I wipe your tears away  
(Tonight, tonight)  
I wipe your tears away  
(Tonight, tonight)  
I wipe your bloodshot eyes  
(Tonight, tonight)

Sunday, bloody Sunday  
Sunday, bloody Sunday  
Sunday, bloody Sunday  
(The real battle just begun)  
Sunday, bloody Sunday  
(To claim the victory Jesus won on...)

Sunday, bloody Sunday  
Sunday, bloody Sunday . . ."

It was coming from the radio, the song, and I just sighed. Nothing. No tears, no anger, nothing made me want to punch someone in the face or kick a wall down. And I think that was mostly my own fault. I felt heart less.

"Edward," Bella whispered from beside me. "She's . . ."

"She's what Bella?" I asked when she just stopped in her tracks.

"She's . . . she's . . . in a coma."

I breathed in a sigh of half relief.

"But she might never wake up Edward. And I can't stay here, Edward. I have to go home in less than five days. And that makes me feel horrible that I won't be able to stay with you, especially since you need someone Edward. You need someone here to make you feel better. . ."

All that went through my mind were the words, _but she might never wake up_. How was I supposed to cope with that one?

"Bella, I can't deal with it if she's not here," I said to her. "I can't deal with it if you're not here. I just can't and I'm not going to lie and say I am. But I can't, Bella, and I don't ever want you to leave me, because I know I'll die if I do," I said truthfully to her.

She practically tackled me, holding me as close and her dainty little body could manage. And I held her just as tight.

"Edward," she whispered into my ear. "Do you still want to marry me?" she asked. She pulled away, but only so she could see my face. "I mean, this is a lot, and I can understand if you want to wait longer. This is drastic-"

I kissed her before she could go any further. I knew I wanted to marry Bella. We couldn't do it tonight or tomorrow, but that was okay. I would marry her if it was the last thing I ever did. But I was hoping that it wasn't.

She kissed me back, and I indulged in this thing so extraordinary, I could only want to stay like this with her forever. I just wanted to stay with Bella forever. Pause time and just live however I wanted. Not dreading the worst thing that could ever happen.

"Bella, despite everything that happened today, I still want to marry you. I love you, and that's the end of it, okay?" I told her firmly but softly.

She smiled.

"Okay. I just wish that I didn't have to go home. I mean, I love home, but I don't want to be in a place where I'm so close to forgetting you. Because that's just wrong. I don't ever want to forget you, Edward." Bella leaned against me, her body curled all around mine. Right there was where I belonged. No where else.

"Do you want to go see Alice?" Bella asked me.

I thought about that. Could I stand to see my sister lying there, practically lifeless?

No.

"Maybe tomorrow," I said, knowing I wouldn't.

If I was going to remember my sister, it wasn't going to be an image of her attached to so many tubes and machines I couldn't make out her body, but the cute, little, spunky, back-talking, sprite that I was so used to.

Bella hummed the song we just heard come on the radio, and I just thought freely. Of the past. Of Bella. OF what tomorrow would bring.

Because if Alice ever called me another bad name, I wouldn't mind. And I would never complain again.

She needed to be alright.

Because if she wasn't, then I wouldn't be.

**So today's my birthday. If you love me, you would send me love :) **

**Just press the wonderful button guys. It's the best present a girl could ask for. :P**

**It really is guys. You're so close. Just leave me a review. Please. **


	11. Chapter 11

**And the story lives!! **

**Please read and review guys. And I'm sorry it's been such a long time.**

EPOV

I wanted to be alone, well, except for Bella. But even when I was near her, I sank into a blank state of mind. Nothing made it better. And I wasn't sure how to fix it.

I mean, when did everything bad happen?

And why did she have to find the note? I think it would have been so much easier for her to hate for not returning her calls, or messages, than for leaving her with a small sliver of hope that I had to take away.

I knew I was going to die. And it would be soon, but why would she have to witness it? Alice was so close. I could see her slipping away, piece by piece, and I wouldn't be able to cope with it.

Stopping chemo was already making me sick. It was only a matter of time before I was in the same state as Alice. Rarely did we ever end up with different fates. If Alice was leaving, then I'd be holding her hand.

I had a horrible headache, and I was starving. I wiggled out of Bell's grasp and went downstairs for some food. No one seemed to be a wake, so I was as quiet as I could be, so I didn't disturb anybody.

I ate, grabbed my iPod, and then I went onto the patio and laid in the grass. It was cold, or maybe it was just the fact that I was sick. I didn't know, and I really didn't care. I think I wanted to die.

That way I would have to hurt anymore. That way I would be okay, and nothing would hurt anyone. Or I wouldn't hurt anybody.

So that's how I came to the conclusion that I was going off of chemo. If I did that, then it wouldn't hurt anymore. I would be okay, and then everyone would have to stop worrying about me. And if Alice died too, then we could be together where ever the hell dead people went.

I was purposely leaving Bella out of all of this. Not thinking about her made everything okay. Or so I think. I mean, breaking apart from her, it wouldn't hurt that much right?

She's just a girlfriend.

Ahgh.

No, she was important to me. And it hurt that I acknowledged her like that. I hate that I did that. I don't know what was wrong with me, but I needed to get on some meds fast and stop thinking like that. Because it's not helping anything at all. and I knew that, that was the creepy thing,

I sighed and looked at the clear blue sky. My life was a complete blur. I took out my iPod and turned it loud to Bring me the Horizon. Crazy screamo and heavy metal-type, but it took it away, and that was good.

Eh, whatever.

So I listened for a few hours, happy that I was hidden form everything. I just needed some alone time and I was definitely getting it. Only I missed Bella a little.

I went inside the house and back upstairs, climbing back in bed next to her.

Clean break, right.

Straight forward.

Painful.

BPOV

I didn't really know how to deal with Alice's being in a coma. It was like Esme, Edward, and Jasper were all in shock. Carlisle was off at the hospital tending to her, not really paying attention to us at all and I think that was one of the reasons why they were so zombie-like. I tried to get them to do things, but mainly Edward. He barely did anything. When we watched television, he just stared blankly at the TV, or when we listened to music, he stared blankly at the ceiling and when I woke up in the morning, he looked like he hadn't slept forever. He was just . . . blank.

It made me feel bad, because although I was worrying too, I couldn't handle being the only thing that _moved, _that actually did something. Jasper locked himself in Alice's room blasting Slipknot and God knows what else morose music he could think of, while I didn't know where Esme hid herself I think she just tried her best, but she looked just as dead as everyone else did. I cried a lot when I was alone, when I was absolutely sure that I wasn't around anyone at all. Because I couldn't just sit there and hold it all in. It was impossible. My best friend was possibly dying, and I couldn't ever get to say bye. And I couldn't handle it.

Like now. I was crying very hard, just immense sobbing on my part. I'd left Edward downstairs out on the patio by the pool for a second, coming up here to vent to myself, because I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled the beanie I was wearing off my head, throwing it off the floor. I pulled the blankets over my head, sulking.

I jumped when I felt someone put their hand on my shoulder. But it was only Edward, and he looked like he'd just done something completely horrible.

"I was only being considerate of my own feelings and not yours, and that's not fair," he said to me. I stood up and shuffled into his arms, carrying the blanket with me, so I wrapped it around us both.

"No," I said, "I just had something in my eye and I—"

"Bella," he said. "That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard. Ever."He laughed and held me tighter.

I laughed through my tears and Edward held me closer to him. His body was warm and soft and I didn't ever want to let go. I was scared that I would lose him if I did. And I didn't want to lose Edward.

We stayed in our bedroom, just lying down with each other. It had already been three days of waiting, and I only had until sunset tomorrow before I had to get back to Arizona.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked me. His voice was low and soft, just a low rumble I felt vibrate through his chest.

"I don't want to leave," I said. I sighed, melting into him, inhaling his scent.

"I don't want you to leave either. Believe me. All I want to do is lock you in my closet and let you stay here with me forever."

"Forever, forever?" I looked up at him, his big, sparkly green eyes gazing back down at me. He was just so beautiful. Even if he did look a little weird bald.

"Well, duh, Bella. What did you think?"

I smiled. "I dunno."

He laughed, holding me close to him. I held him back and for a few seconds, everything seemed alright.

EPOV

"I got the new Paramore CD for you," I said to Alice's practically lifeless body. "Since it came out and they're like your favorite band and what not." I played the CD in the stereo, putting it just high enough so I could hear it, but at a moderate volume so we didn't disturb everyone else.

It was actually kind of nice. But Alice's body still lay unmoving.

I thought hard about my life, what I could see in the future, and really, it all came up blank. I wasn't sure what was going to happen to me. But what if, by some cruel fate, I was to be in the same position as Alice? What if I were to have something so bad happen to me that I wouldn't be able to respond to her? What if I died?

Yes, back to this. It was all that I could think about; it was consuming my brain.

Surely I couldn't put Bella through that. I couldn't have her live through a life of pain and worry for me. I couldn't have that. Because I wouldn't be able to take care of her like I would want to. If things like this happened to me all the time, then what would become of our relationship? I would be too tired all the time to do anything, and Bella would be missing out on everything, and then I would die. So why don't I just cut myself out of it all? Why don't I just make it so that Bella wouldn't have to live through things like that with me?

It would be too hard to tell her goodbye. I—

Just thinking about it makes my heart ache. But if I didn't do it soon, then I wouldn't ever be able to.

Break up with Isabella Swan?

It seemed absolutely impossible. Just couldn't be done. Nothing could be done. And, believe it or not, it was going to hurt me more than it would hurt her.

I stayed for hours by Alice's side, hoping that somehow, she would wake up and talk me out of what I was contemplating doing. But she never did, and I was convinced it was the right way to do things. I mean, she would have to go home soon and since treatment wasn't going so well for either Alice or I, we would have to move again, and start a new routine.

And I would just forget about Bella.

Initially, I knew I couldn't and would never do it, but I also knew that this was possible. That I would be able to leave her and not remember one single thing about her, because that would be absolute torture and I couldn't handle it. So it was settled then.

I stood up and shut of the radio, kissing Alice on the forehead. I knew she wouldn't respond, and even though I did know that, my heart still crumbled when she didn't.

BPOV

I spent the day with Jasper out in the garden.

We talked a little while not anticipating our trip back home.

"Do you think she'll wake up when we leave?" he asked.

"Hopefully. I don't want her to be in a coma forever, you know." I looked at him, and his honey colored eyes gazed back. I frowned. "What?"

"I just feel like she won't you know—wake up. And I really hate that I think that, but I can't help it. She's so fragile and stuff. I think she just won't be able to take it and that would be it. The end of it all. And then I'll just have to find a way to deal with everything. You're just lucky it didn't happen to Edward," he said to me.

I scrunched up my nose in anger. "So what?" I said. "Alice is just as important to me than she is to Edward. Don't you think I'm a bit beat up about this as well?" I growled at him. "You don't get it Jasper. She was—is my best friend, and losing her is just going to be as bad as losing him, believe that, okay?"

"I can't. You're not having the girl you love die completely." His eyes were fierce with anger and rage. He was mad at me, and I hadn't done anything. "You have it easy, because even if she does die, you'll have him. I won't have anyone."

And he stormed out of the room, completely angry and pissed off. I stood up and ran, screaming at the top of my lungs, until I bumped into Edward.

His face was sad and hurt and it looked like he'd been crying. But he just scooped me up in his arms and kissed me, a strong very sad kiss, and I didn't know how to respond to something like that. So I pulled back and studied his face, wondering just what was wrong with him. His green eyes were intimidating, something I'd never seen before in my life, and that scared me.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"We need to talk," he said. I looked at him, and immediately I knew something bad was going to happen; it was hanging in the air like an omen.

"Okay. What's up?" I kept my voice indifferent, but it was hard to keep the tears back.

"Come on," he said. Leading me a little ways from the house. We were walking towards a meadow like place, somewhere where there was just some flowers and trees.

I turned to look at him, looking up at his eyes. He was looking up to the sky. I hugged him, and he loosely wrapped his arms around me.

He sighed

"This isn't working." He let me go and took a solitary step back, looking away from me. It was like the air had snapped cold, taking away all of his warmth that I'd been so accustomed to.

"What's not working?" I asked. My heart was beating a hundreds of miles per hour, and I felt dizzy and lightheaded. I wasn't sure of what was going on, only that I needed to sit down. So I did, sitting on a nearby garden bench.

"Us, Bella. We're not working. And I think I've lead you on too far. Everything I'd ever done with you was a mistake, and I should have given you false hope I was going to eventually take away. We can't be together and that's the end of it. Don't try to change my mind because it won't work and you will just be wasting your time."

My mouth dropped open, my gaze immediately going down to my hands to observe the ring he'd given me not days before. He sighed.

"That was a mistake. I shouldn't have asked you for that when I knew this was going to happen."

I looked back up to him, and just stared. I couldn't make any sense of anything, at all. Nothing. "Why are you doing this to me?" I said to him. I stood up and looked at him. Searched his eyes for some meaning, something that would show me that I wasn't—that this wasn't happening.

"Because I'm trying to make it so that you don't have to live a life of regret," he said. "I'm just trying—"

"You don't know what you're doing Edward Cullen. You know absolutely nothing about this. If you were trying to help me, you wouldn't do this. You wouldn't do this to me." I turned around, and crossed my arms over my chest. Suddenly, this beautiful day didn't seem so.

"I have to, Bella. Or else you're going to hate me forever." He sighed.

"More than I hate you right now?" I asked him?

He sighed again.

"Look at me," he said.

"No."

"Bella please?"

"Fine if that's what you want."I slipped the ring off of my finger, and set it on the bench. I looked up at him, he was standing in front of me. I smiled weakly at him. "I don't want to hate you, so I'm not going to. Whatever. Everything is clear between us. I mean, we can still be friends right?"

He shook his head. "That would defeat the purpose Bella. I don't want any contact at all with you. Nothing."

"So I'm supposed to go home and forget that you ever existed?" I said.

"That would be nice, yes."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Fine. Consider everything we've ever been through forgotten. Fine by me." I turned around from him, and went back into the house.

I only had hours before Jasper and I had to go back home. And it was impossible for any contact to not happen if Jasper was going to come with me. Obviously, Esme would call to brief him on Alice. . .

Jasper was in the kitchen, still dressed in his pajamas like he'd been a while ago.

"Do you have all of your things packed?" I asked him.

"I'm not going back home," he said. "I'm staying here. Rose is coming tomorrow so she can finish high school here with me."

"Whoa. So this is it? You tell hours before I have to leave?" I said. He looked taken aback.

"What's wrong? Why are you so hurt?" he asked.

"Well apparently, no one cares about me." I stomped past him and went up to Edward and mine's bedroom. And I packed everything of mine into my bags. I didn't cry, I didn't scream. I wasn't even mad. I wasn't anything.

For the first time in a long time, I just wanted my mom. I wanted my dad. I wanted to go home, and talk to Jacob. I wanted to forget. I didn't want to deal with this any more. And I wasn't sure how to explain it.

But when I came across my lock necklace in the bathroom, I realized one thing.

It really was over, and that was the complete end of everything.

Forever.

**There's a reason this happened, and I don't want you guys to hate me. :|**

**But you need to tell me which POV I should continue the story in for the next few chapters. It's going to go kind of fast. I hope you guys can see the connection to the books here . . .**

**So should I continue in Bella's POV, or Edward's? **

**Review!**


	12. Chapter 12

**I thought about doing the next few chapters in just one straight point of view, but I couldn't. I felt like I was neglecting my characters and being biased. **

**I don't know, I'm weird like that. :) **

**Anywho, this is the next chapter. Yes, I know, I kept you waiting, but I'm a high school senior . . . I've got a lot of stuff on my plate. So I've been working on applications and I just finished with mid-terms . . . so I'm free—but only for a little while. **

**I hope you like this chapter. :)**

EPOV

A year passed so fast without so much as a warning. I'd graduated school and so had Alice, who was healthier than I'd ever seen her.

Of course, she still had Jasper.

When I told Alice what I'd done to Bella, it took her a while—six weeks, four days, ten hours—to begin talking to me. And still even a year and a half later, she wouldn't talk to me like she used to. And I hated that I severed my relationship with my own sister trying to protect Bella.

There was a knock at my door.

"Come in," I called to whoever it was. Alice walked in, still in her pajamas. She closed the door behind her and came to sit with me on my bed. She lay parallel to me, her arms wrapping around my waist. She sighed.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"Nothing, Edward. I—I just miss you." She looked up me with her electric blue eyes and sighed. "You're not the same," she whispered.

I shook my head and sighed.

"Can't you just . . . not be sad?" she asked me.

I just looked at her. She'd never felt like this, so it was natural for her to think it was just a phase. I was beginning to regret it a lot.

"It's not that simple Alice."

"It could be Edward. If you tried. I'm here you know. You can invade my room in the middle of the night and we can talk. I'm not opposed to talking with you." She gave me a small smile. "I love you, bro. Don't make me feel like I'm—that I'm invisible."

My breath caught in my throat.

She was my sister—my _twin_—and I had been neglecting her ever since we moved from Italy to London. And that was me being a jackass.

"I can't believe Rosalie is living with us. She's so—I can't believe that she's related to Jasper. He's so nice and she—she just complains." She scoffed.

There was another knock on my door.

"Come in," I said. My mother walked inside looked around and grinned.

"You better clean this room, young man, understand?" She smiled at me. I sighed.

"Yeah, Mom."

Even though I said I would, we both knew I wouldn't. Because it didn't matter.

"Anyhow, my children, lunch is ready if you want to come down." She smiled again. "It'll be just us, since Jasper left with Dad to go to the hardware store and Rosalie left with her friend to go shopping."

"'Kay Mom," Alice said. But instead of mom going away, she came and sat down on the other side of me, kicking off her sandals and hugging me like Alice was.

I laughed. So did Mom and Alice.

We talked for a few minutes before we all went down to eat.

Why would I have given her a life like that? Always looking after me, always making sure I was okay?

I didn't want that for her. She deserved someone whole. Someone healthy . . . Someone not like me.

We lived in London, England. Alice and I were showing exceptional progress and were extremely healthy. Something in our bodies was fighting it. I was glad, because I was living.

I was going to college now, just a small university, majoring in philosophy. It was easy stuff. Just a lot of reading and writing papers. Nothing too challenging.

I looked out of the window, over the backyard. I was bored. I didn't know what to do. I'd finished my homework, and Alice was with Jasper. And I wasn't flooding with friends either.

I was shit out of luck. I walked around my messy room, kicking things around my floor, trying to not be bored. I sighed. I went downstairs and outside, talking a walk around the land. It was nice out here. Comforting. I took a book from the bookshelf next to the patio table and lay in the grass, reading it.

_As I Lay Dying_. Faulkner. Melancholy. Death. Nothing too bad. Nothing to remind me of her. Which was perfect. Super perfect.

I read until I finished, which wasn't too long, but it was getting dark, and I could hear Esme calling me in for dinner.

"Edward Anthony—"

"I'm coming," I said back. She was standing by the patio, hands thrust on her hips, looking at me with a disappointed look.

"Edward, you need to sleep," she said. She touched the hair that fell into my eyes. She moved them away looking straight into my eyes with her piercing green eyes.

"I am sleeping, Mom," I lied. She shook her head.

"Edward," she sighed. "You need to stop worrying or whatever it is you're doing that keeps you up at all hours of the night. I love you, Edward. You need to understand that the world's not going to end." But even as she said those words, I knew she was just as sad as I was. Bella was a one-time deal. There was no replacement. But she understood—which was more than I could ever ask for. She pulled me in to a hug and I hugged her back, just to give her peace of mind. But I couldn't give her what she wanted. She wanted Bella. And I couldn't give her that.

I walked in after her, sitting at the dinner table with everyone.

There was meaningless chatter going about, clumped in groups: Esme and Carlisle and Rosalie, and Jasper and Alice. I was alone. Every time. I looked up at the clock, excused myself quietly, and then left upstairs to sulk some more.

And I was thinking about her again.

I frowned.

I sat at my desk and began typing.

Typing what?

A recollection of memories that reoccurred. A story, I guess it could be called. About who?

Bella.

Lame?

Sure.

But I didn't care. It took the pain away. I could think about her without being sad. Without thinking that I had made a mistake. It was just a story about two teenagers in high school . . .

Okay, so it was pretty much my life written in paper.

But I couldn't help it. Writing about her made me feel better.

_She was pretty as she slept. Pretty wasn't a strong enough word, and neither was beautiful. Nothing could describe her faint blush or her fluttering eyes. _

_And maybe she felt my gaze on her, because she opened her eyes and looked up at me, her eyes just like chocolate. She grinned. _

_"Stop looking at my boobs, Edward," she said. But she was only teasing, moving closer to me, wrapping her arms around my waist. I kissed her hair, smelling the sweet scent of strawberries and vanilla and _her_ mixed up into one amazing scent that I couldn't ever forget. She looked up at me, and I smiled at her. _

_"Sometimes I dream about you," she said. "And it's like we met in a different life. Or different lives. Because each dream is completely different." She grinned. "It's so nice, Edward." _

_Only if every moment with her was as nice. _

_Some weren't so. _

I stopped typing, deleting that last sentence. I remembered her face as it twisted in pain reflecting exactly what she was feeling inside her heart. And it was indeed my fault. And I couldn't help but hate myself for it.

I wished I knew how she was doing. I wished I could talk to her.

But I couldn't and I knew that. There was a reason I hadn't wanted this relationship. Because when I died she would be even more heartbroken—and that time, I couldn't ever come back.

I sighed. I went back to typing.

After a while, I just stopped and fell into my bed, not caring about the world, just turning up the stereo as loud as it could go and then lay in my bed and feeling sorry for myself. Because that's all I was good at these days. And it was really bad.

*~*~*~*

The next morning, I had breakfast with my family (plus Jasper and Rosalie).

My mother was pretty much in the same boat as Alice sad but understanding. She hadn't understood it from my point of view. This wasn't _A Walk to Remember_ here.

My father was reading the newspaper and Alice and Jasper were being couple-like. I felt alone. And it was still all my fault.

Yeah. I wasn't going to relent that one.

"So Edward," Rosalie said softly from my side. "Would you like to hang out with me today?" she asked. I looked ever at her and she smiled softly. I cocked my head to the side.

"Why?" It came out harsher than I intended. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Um, sure, I guess."

"Awesome," she said. "I was thinking that we could go to the mall and walk around you know." She sighed. "Okay, so I know I'm a bitch, but really, I don't bite."

Jasper snickered form across the table and Alice scoffed.

"I'm really nice, if you give me the chance," she said. Her blue eyes shined with excitement. With pleading anxiety that I give her a chance.

"Okay, yeah," I said.

She smiled again.

"We'll leave after breakfast."

I nodded, excused myself form the table and went upstairs to bathe and get ready.

I looked at myself in the mirror after walking out from the shower. Seeing my reflection was shocking. My eyes were dark and cold and I was skinnier than I had been a year ago. Nothing drastic, but the definition of my muscles were no longer apparent.

I guess that was crazy depression. I got dressed in a pair of jeans and (what would have been) a Rosalie approved shirt and then my converse sneakers. When I towel dried my hair and brushed my teeth, I left downstairs to meet Rosalie, but she was on the phone giggling, repeating, "No way!" about a billion times.

I looked at her and she frowned. She said goodbye to her friend and then turned to me.

"Edward, I'm sorry, but something's come up and—"

I shrugged. "Whatever."

I sat in the living room, connected to my laptop and iPod turning the volume up to its highest. I continued to type, almost done with everything that I could remember about Bella. Every single thing about Bella.

And I felt so accomplished with it.

I also felt sad that I had nothing to write about her anymore. For the last year, it was what I had done. I sat to write about her. And then I would get off the computer and feel sorry for myself that I couldn't touch her, kiss her, or talk to her at all.

I left to make myself something to eat, and then went up to my bedroom, just listening to music.

My phone vibrated and I looked at it, a message from the single friend I'd made. She lived in the neighborhood with her wealthy parents. Her parents had come over to greet us and she just stuck to me.

And I didn't mind. I actually liked her as a person.

_I'm coming over to invade your sulking space_, her message read. I laughed out loud. She was the closest friend I had. I guess it was kind of pathetic, but she just was.

I walked downstairs to greet her and pull her upstairs so she could, indeed, invade my sulking space.

She was at the door, dressed in tight jeans but an oversized boys' t-shirt. She smiled at me and I smiled weakly.

She followed me up to my room and laughed.

"Man, Ed, you're room is so mess—"

"Zafrina, you're allowed to invade," I said to her, "but no judging." She laughed her low chuckled and dropped herself on my bed, kicking off her sneakers into the mess that was my room. She wiggled her toes and then patted the space next to her. I slowly made my way over there.

"So how's it been lately?" she asked me.

"Oh, you know, Mom, Alice, Dad, Rosalie and Jasper think I'm completely retarded for letting Bella go. The usual." I shrugged.

"You could change that," she said.

"No. It would involve a certain girl I'm trying to protect right now."

She rolled her eyes. "You know, if I were her, I would hate you."

"Better hate than what could happen." I sat on my bed next to her pulling out a deck of cards from my nightstand. I dealt the cards and we made up a game, just playing with made up rules.

Zafrina didn't say anything to me about Bella. And I didn't want to talk about it, so it was set.

We were silent for a while, just playing cards, and I observed Zafrina. She was pretty, in a Brazilian way. Long, (almost as tall as me, and I was six-three) slim, and model-like. She had long, jet-black hair and wide hazel colored eyes. She would be classified as a hot girl. But I didn't want to use her like that.

"What are you looking at?" she asked. My eyes shifted focus, looking into her eyes. She sighed. "I don't know anymore, Zafrina. I don't think I can do this anymore. I'm dying inside and I want to talk to her. At least know that she doesn't hate me," I said to her.

"Why did you do it in the first place Edward?" she yelled at me. "You broke a perfectly good girl because you couldn't handle it. She loved you and you ruined it." She shook her head. "You need to get over it, Edward. What can you do about it? Not a thing."

I stared at her. Because she was right and I didn't want to admit it. Because I'd broken Bella for my selfish reasons.

I just lay back.

I wasn't supposed to be feeling like this.

"You still love her," she said softly.

I nodded, not saying anything. But I kept nodding, because I did.

"And I don't have her at all because I told her I didn't love her. That I didn't want her. That asking her to marry me was a mistake."

"You're a dumbass. But I guess you can't help it because you're a man." She smiled at me and threw herself on me, giving me a hug. It wasn't sexual, but it had the affection I'd been craving. I hugged her back and we stayed like that, wrapped in each other's arms before she had to get home.

It was dark already, and I walked Zafrina to her house, which was only down the street.

"So I was thinking that maybe we could go to the cinema tomorrow," Zafrina said to me. She crossed her arms over her chest, looking over at me. Her eyes were so bright and pretty . . . I got lost in them.

"Sure. Did you have something you wanted to see?" I asked her. She shrugged.

"Not in particular. I was just thinking that you could use some time out and stuff. Just to hang out." She smiled up at me, an aura shining around her. Something inside of me made my heart flutter.

There were times where I considered her to be someone I could be romantically involved with. But I wasn't sure. Maybe it would help me get over Bella . . .

"Sure, maybe we could go," I said.

We were in front of her house, and she turned to me, wrapping her arms around my neck and just staying like that. Subconsciously, my hands found her waist and I held her to me.

"So tomorrow?" she asked softly. Her exotic, flowery scent flooded my senses and I started thinking about kissing her.

"Sure," I said. She looked up into my eyes, and I just stared at her, unsure what to do.

"Edward?" she said softly.

"Yeah?"

"Don't do anything you might regret—" she said. But in the middle of her sentence, I leaned forward and kissed her, regretting absolutely nothing.

She didn't move for a few seconds, but then we were standing in front of her house, making out. And something made it okay. I guess it was because I was moving on.

Her hands, long and delicate, travelled down my back and into the back pocket of my jeans. My fingers found purchase underneath her shirt, feeling the smooth skin of her back, pulling her close so that there was no space between us.

She pulled away, but not by much, because she was still leaning in for chaste kisses. "Edward." She said, her voice nothing above a whisper. She pulled back and I opened my eyes, looking at her. She gave me a half smile and I smiled back at her.

"Edward, what are you doing?" she asked me.

I just looked at her. Because in reality, I didn't know. I shrugged.

"So . . ."

"So just go along with it Zafrina. You're beautiful and I like you," I told her, which was the absolute truth.

"So what are you saying?" she asked. She put one hand on my face, the tips of her fingers brushing my hairline. I fell into her warmth. "Do you want a relationship? Do you want to be friends with benefits? Do you want to be lovers? I'm confused here." She gave me a half smile.

"Well, what do you want to be?" I asked her.

She shrugged. "How about we just start with friends with benefits and see where it goes from there." She looked up at me, her hazel eyes glowing like golden orbs. I nodded.

"Okay, then."

She bit her lip, a move that move my thoughts from niceties to dirty things. "Do you want to come inside?"

"Is anyone home?" I asked her. She shook her head.

"Just me and you."

"So why did you tell me you had to go?"

She shrugged. "I felt like I was—that I wasn't good enough for you. That you were so wrapped up in her that you wouldn't even notice me. And granted, E, I know you're still hung up on her, but if I've got a chance with you, I'm not going to pass it up." She bit her lip again. "I don't know. I guess I thought that you needed some space tonight."

I looked down at her, watching as her eyes darted away. She was embarrassed. I took her face in my hand and kissed her lips.

"I'm not oblivious, you know. I'm just . . . I need to get away from that. And you take me there," I said to her. She smiled at me. I dropped my hands to her hips, but she just walked away, taking one of my hands in hers.

"Come on."

So I followed her into her house, shutting the door behind me as she led me to her bedroom.

*~*~*~*

It was almost two in the morning when I snuck back inside my house.

Everything was quiet, and all the lights were off, so I tried my best not to make any noise as I went to my bedroom.

When I turned on the lights, I found Alice lying, nonchalantly in my bed. Needless to say, she scared the shit out of me. '

"Hello, dear brother," she said with an enormous smile on her face. I grinned. "Let's see. Shirt on backwards. The button to your jeans undone. Shoes untied . . . someone got laid." Alice squealed.

"Alice, I'm not discussing this with you, so get out of my room." I looked at her, kicking off my shoes and pulling off my shirt. "I'm tired." I lay next to her on my bed.

"Ooh, you're tired because of all of the hot, hot sex you've been having?" she said. I looked up at her from where I was lying.

"Alice."

"What? I'm just saying that you're finally doing something rather than moping around like a lazy ass bum." She grinned and hugged me. "We are going to talk tomorrow, you know that right?"

"Whatever Ali. Goodnight!"

"Okay! Okay, I'm out." She pranced out of the room and closed the door behind her after shutting off the lights.

I looked up at the ceiling, smiling a little.

I'd hooked up with a girl and not once since I'd been with Zafrina did I think about Bella. Maybe I really was getting over her. I sighed contentedly.

Well, until something knocked on my window.

I walked over, opening and looking down. Z was standing there. I smiled.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Thinking about you," I said back. She smiled.

"Can I come up?"

"Yeah."

So she began climbing the wall of the house, making it up to my room. I pulled her inside, both of us tumbling onto the floor. We laughed, shushing each other as to not wake the entire house. She kissed me lightly for a few seconds. I held her on top of me, the weight of her body comforting and warm. Something about her blocked me from thinking about anything else. Anything else but her, at least.

She giggled as I kissed her, and that made me laugh, so I pulled away.

"I didn't come here to repeat . . ." She trailed off, and I grinned, because I knew exactly what she meant.

"So what did you come here for?" I asked her.

"Just to sleep. Sex wears a girl out you know," she said. She reached a hand and touched my face again. I just looked up at her. "I'm glad that we're in this thing, you know."

"Me too," I said. I kissed her once more, before leading her to my bed. She shed her jeans, opting instead for a pair of sweat pants she found folded neatly in one of my dresser drawers, and then climbed in beside me, her back pressed lightly against my chest.

It was silent after that. She didn't talk to me, and I didn't feel the need to say anything to her. Her breathing was hypnotic though, and I found myself anticipating every one of her breaths.

"Hey," she whispered so softly I thought I was imagining it.

"Yeah?" I said back to her.

"Do you think we're moving too fast?" she said. I hugged her tighter to me.

"Do you?"

"Not in particular. I'm just making sure that you're okay with this." She paused for a few seconds, only our breathing audible. "That you're okay with me."

I was okay with her. I was actually elated that I was able to be with her without thinking that I was using her for the obvious reason. I wasn't using her. I just like her a lot.

"Yeah, I'm fine with you. I'm _happy_ with you. Please believe me."

"I do."

I thought about a lot of things that night, and most of them were just about Zafrina. Because I really did like her. She was amazing and beautiful and I loved the sound of her voice.

But one question haunted me as she fell asleep in my arms.

Why was I okay that she was with me, that I could think about forever with her, but when I thought about Bella, I couldn't stand it?

Why couldn't I just say no to Zafrina like I had to Bella?

Why was Zafrina easier to be with?

Of course, I didn't love Z. She was amazing and nice and beautiful, but I still had feelings for Bella.

Would it ever go away? Seriously. I wondered if I could have a life outside of Bella. If that was ever possible.

Yeah. Right.

**Okay, here was chapter 12. I know it's a bit odd, considering the fact that I've completely wiped Bella off the map. But you'll see why. It's important to the story line.**

**And yes, this is still a B/E story. It works out in the end. I promise. **

**And I'm also thinking about writing a "Cut Outs" story for this story. Because it's rated T, I've limited how far the intimacy goes and such. So I thought maybe that I could write the lemons there, and this story still be rated T. Because what I have planned for the future of this story is quite steamy. But don't worry. It won't lose it's cute yet dramatic touch. **


	13. Chapter 13

**Two Chapters in one night? I'm that amazing, yes :)**

**EPOV**

The next morning, I woke and Zafrina wasn't in my bed. I looked around the room and she was sitting at me my desk, lightly strumming my guitar.

"You know," she said. "I never knew you played the guitar. Until I found it in your closet. I was bored so I cleaned your room."

I sat up and looked around, everything neat and clean like it would have been if I wasn't depressed. I looked at her, cocked my head to the side, and the opened my mouth to say something. But she beat me to the punch.

"Nothing's wrong. You just slept too long, and I didn't want to wake you up," she said. "I mean especially since you're sick and all, and you actually need to sleep."

"Why didn't you just go home?" I asked her. She shrugged. Because being with someone who was sleeping beat being alone. But I did go home and change and then I came back." She came over and crawled into the bed with me, straddling my hips. It wasn't helping that I had a morning erection.

"So besides the fact that you're totally hard, what's wrong?" I asked.

I grinned at her. "Being hard is not wrong," I said, my eyes linger over her body. "But nothing's wrong. I have a hot girl in my bed, and we're home alone. What the hell could be wrong?" I said to her. She giggled.

"Okay, so you have a point." She climbed off. "Let's get to the cinema," she said.

"But it's the morning," I countered. I really didn't feel at all in the mood to get out of bed at that particular moment.

"_Au contraire,"_ she said, speaking her fluent French. Which I understood and spoke just a fluently, "_il est trois heures l'après-midi_."

"What?!" I said to her. She told me it was three in the afternoon. "And you didn't think to wake me?"

"You looked so peaceful," she said. "I couldn't help it." She smiled and hopped off the bed. "Hurry up," she said, and then she left the room.

So I hurried, getting dressed and decent before she would come up here and harass me to move faster.

I walked downstairs, eager to find Zafrina. It felt good being with her. I was happy. I was . . . better. Even with the fact that I was doing better with my leukemia, I felt better, _spiritually_, if you could call it that.

But instead of finding her, I found my mother sitting on the sofa, weeping. She had my laptop, so I assumed she was watching a show or a sad movie. She looked up at me, and then she cried harder.

I was taken aback; I didn't know what to do. But the sensibility in me told me to comfort her. So I did.

I sat next to her and hugged her, trying to make her feel alright.

"You wrote so passionately about her . . ." she sobbed.

I froze. She'd read my memories. Everything, _everything_ that happened between Bella and me. I started to shake.

"You weren't supposed to read that, Mom," I said.

"I didn't mean to. I just took the computer to send an email to one of my friends, but it was open, and Bella's name caught my eye, so I just began to read, and I couldn't stop. I'm so sorry, that I did, but Edward, you write so beautifully." She looked up at me, penetrating my soul with her sad, glimmering green eyes. I looked away.

"I was . . . trying to forget her," I said. "I'm with Zafrina now," I said to her.

She looked nothing less than shocked. And it made sense because we'd ever led on to anything romantic.

"And it's official?"

"Yes. She's my girlfriend."

She nodded. "Well, you look happy. And you look like you've gotten sleep," she said. I nodded.

"Yeah. Well, Z and I are going to the movies, so . . ."

"Okay, sweetie. I'll see you later."

I nodded and found Zafrina out on the porch, sitting in the swinging chair.

"So is that what his is? I'm your girlfriend?" she asked and pretty smile on her lips. If I had to say she looked like anyone it would be Kim Kardashian, except taller, and without the enormous body parts. Zafrina was amazingly hot.

"Of course. You didn't think we'd just be fuck buddies, did you?" I looked at her face. She seemed to be considering it.

"Well, not completely any way, it thought that was kind of all I expected from you. You don't have to do this." She pleaded in her eyes for something far beyond what I could give her.

"I'm not doing this out of obligation, but out of the pure desire that I have for you," I admitted. She grinned.

"Right answer, Mr. Cullen," she said.

"Well then, Miss Adams, let's get going."

She laughed and we walked to the car and I drove us to the movie theatre and we went inside, watching a movie that seemed interesting to the both of us. We sat beside each other, lightly holding hands, not seeming the least bit weird that we were so comfortable being in a relationship. Perhaps it was just because it was meant for us to become. But either way, I really did like her. More than I ought to have any way, considering the situation.

Zafrina and I then left to her house, she pulling me up to her bedroom. She closed the door and turned on her stereo, plugging in her iPod and playing some background music. She kicked off her shoes, with amazing precision, right into her closet.

I looked around her bedroom. It was messier than a bedroom should ever have been. Books, clothes, papers, boxes, stuffed animals, and all sorts of other things littered her floor. She had been undressing and I kindly looked away as he picked up a t-shirt that read "Dead on Arrival" and pulled it on. She also pulled on a pair of short shorts, ones that emphasized the length of her legs and the curve of her hips, the slimness of her waist the rise of her breasts. All that because of a pair of shorts.

If you didn't get it now, then you never would. Zafrina was the kind of hot that you saw from across the room and you immediately began to think dirty about her. She was curvy and voluptuous, but not ostentatiously so. I liked that she was five-eleven. I liked that she was different than the girls that I was usually attracted to. I also liked the fact that she was all mine.

"It's a wonder that you find anything," I said to her.

"You just gotta know where to look." She shrugged and climbed on top of me, her knees on either side of my hips. She didn't make a move to initiate anything sexual. She just sat back and looked at me.

"I'm hungry. Are you?" She said. I shrugged.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing," I said with a smiled. "Why must something always be wrong?"

"Because I'm a pessimist and that's the way I think," she said simply.

"You have nothing to be worried about. It's you and me, and nobody else." I pulled her down to kiss her.

"You sure?" she said breathlessly.

"Of course," I said to between kisses. She hummed and kissed my fully, without abandon. She tasted so exotic, like herself of course, but different. And I liked it. I liked kissing Zafrina. Among other things I liked doing with her.

We stayed in her bedroom, making out for what seemed like hours, until I had to get home.

But it took a while for me to go, since Zafrina was in a catty mood and didn't want me to leave. And frankly, I didn't want to leave either, but I had to talk to Alice, or write or do something that was normal. All the intimacy was getting to my head.

I walked into my house, finding my mother and two other women on the sofa surrounding my laptop. I ignored them and I went out back, finding Alice alone with a book in her hands. She looked up at me and smiled.

"So he doth returneth to home. And doth he spill his secrets to thy sister?" She said a grin playing her lips.

I sat next to her. "I took her home last night, but we were talking and then I kissed her. There. Happy?" She sat there and actually considered my question.

"Not really, no. Now, without going in to detail, tell me what happened last night." She put her book down, and sat up, looking at me. She was genuinely curious about what really happened. Then again, Alice liked to know everything that was happening.

"We went up to her room, listened to some music, made out for a little while and then we had sex." I shrugged. "It's not a big deal."

She laughed. "Yeah right, he-who-moped-in-his-room-until-Zafrina-came-along," she said. "You didn't come home until two thirty. I was beginning to think you were going to spend the night over there."

"Nah. I thought about it, but then I thought Zafrina should have her space, think about it for a little while and make sure it was oaky with her what we had done. I wasn't going to force her into a relationship, you know."

Alice shrugged. "She came over last night though," she said.

"How'd you know?"

"Because she fell through the window and you guys were making all kinds of noise. I think everyone heard you guys." Alice laughed. I shook my head at her. "I'm happy for you, Ed." She smiled. "You're doing what you should have done a long ass time ago."

"Sure, but I was dumb and oblivious to things. It was a bad break up, remember?" I said to her.

"Actually, I was in a coma, and—"

I rolled my eyes at her and she stopped herself, laughing at her own joke.

"But the point is, Sir Edward, you are happy. And that makes the rest of the house happy. Do you understand?"

I nodded.

"Good. Now, I have to read this book, so it's best you leave now," she said to me.

I walked away, leaving Alice to her book, walking into the living room the women still hovering over my computer. Being nosy, I walked over and observed what they were watching or _reading_ rather.

I shut it closed, annoyed that they were reading my _private_ memories after I had told Esme that they weren't meant for her to see. What made her think that she had the discretion of showing it to people I didn't know? I glared at my mother but she ignored it, introducing to the two women who were sitting on the sofa. I looked at them.

"Edward, this is Kate and Irina." She said. I smiled at them and they smiled in kind. I looked at my mother for some sort of explanation.

"Edward, please don't get upset, but they would like to talk to you about something," Esme said. I looked at her and then back at the two women.

"Edward, your writing is spectacular. I hope you understand that—"

I cut Irina off. "What I understand is the three of you were invading my privacy."

"Edward, listen to them." My mother said. Her tone was final, and even I couldn't override that, no matter how sick or how angry I was.

I sighed and sat down on the sofa across from them.

"Edward," Irina tried again. "You're an amazing writer, better than most your age. And we'd like to publish your story."

I just stared at them blankly. "No." Irina and Kate looked at each other and then at Esme.

I just sat there looking at them.

"It wasn't meant to be a book," I said. I shrugged. "That's it."

"Neither was Anne's Frank's diary until it became one," Kate said. I shook my head.

"But it's just a story. Nothing significant. It doesn't even have a plotline." I sighed. "And even if it did, the answer is no." I went to stand, but Kate stared at me, keeping me seated.

"Look at it this way, Edward," she said. "You write this amazing book, and you're set for life. Women of all kinds of ages would read it and fall in love with the characters. The fact that the main character is ill makes it so much more romantic. Granted, he was a jackass for breaking up with her the way he did," she said—it stung my heart when she said it—"but it still makes for a beautiful love story. Just change a few things, and then you're set to go."

"But I don't want to," I whined. "I don't want people to read what I wrote. I don't want this to happen. This was meant for me. Not for millions of girls to fall in love with. That's not how it's supposed to be."

I didn't want the book to get published because I didn't want Bella to read it, to know my every thought on what our relationship had been.

"Why don't you think about it?" Esme said.

And what if she did read it? What if she knew what I was thinking when these specific things had happened. What would she say?

Well, it didn't matter because she was in the US and I was in the UK. That was far enough, if you ask me. We wouldn't even run into each other. She wouldn't even hear of it. There would be no possible way that she would get her hands on the book.

It was a one in a million chance that she would anyway. Of all the books she could choose, she wouldn't choose mine.

So I looked to my laptop, and then looked at the women. I couldn't believe I was actually considering it. Was I confident that Bella wouldn't care? Maybe she had moved on already. Maybe she wasn't hung up on me like I was on her. Even with Zafrina in the picture now, it was hard to erase Bella from my heart. Because the fact is, she was my heart. And thinking about her was like I had just punched an enormous hole in my chest that even Zafrina's playful smile couldn't cover up.

I sighed. I was really going to do it. I was really going to let them take the memories I had of Bella and put them on paper, and let the world see inside of the mind of Edward Cullen.

I shrugged. "Tell what to change and you can publish it."

Kate, Irina, and Esme looked at each other and grinned.

"Really?" Esme asked. I shrugged.

"Why not?" I said.

Kate and Irina stayed for dinner, and Mom didn't let anyone disturb us as we worked on the story, changing the ending to a happy one rather than a sad one. Instead of "Edward" breaking "Bella"'s heart, Bella and Edward went off to college together and lived happily ever after, engaged to be married.

It hurt to write something so fictional, something that could have happened but didn't. When we were finished, my mother served us some food and drinks, congratulating our hard work. In a matter of two and a half hours, I had a rough draft of a book that would be published.

Kate and Irina were both staying the night, reading through the draft for any errors and such. I just went upstairs and fell into my bed. I didn't know I was crying until there was a soft knock at my door.

"Hold on," I called. I cleared my throat and wiped my face. But Alice barged in anyway, coming to sit next to me on my bed.

"You're writing a book about Bella?" she asked.

I shrugged. "It was like a journal Ali, nothing serious. Just like your old website. Memories I'd collected with her. Things that made love possible."

"But still, you're publishing it?" she asked.

"Yeah, Alice. It's getting published, even though half of it never even happened."

She frowned. I looked away from her. I took out my phone and texted Zafrina.

_Come over now_. I sent to her.

Seconds later came her reply, my phone vibrating_. Why?_

_I miss you_, I replied.

_:) I'll be over in five._ She didn't message me after that. And I didn't expect her to.

Alice quietly left the room, seeing that I was ignoring her rudely. I was going to get my ass kicked for that later, but at that moment, I didn't care.

Zafrina walked into my room, shutting the door behind her.

"Lock it," I said flatly. I heard the little clink of the lock turning into position. I heard her slip out of her shoes and felt the bed move as she climbed on. My eyes were closed, so I hadn't seen her yet, but I knew she was there. And she knew what I wanted her here for.

She slid on top of me, her body pressed against mine.

"I don't know what's wrong, but I'll do whatever you want," she said softly. "I want to make you feel better." I leaned up and kissed her, aggressively fixing her body so that we aligned perfectly. She held me close to her and I undressed her from her tank top and jeans. She undressed me with her swift fingers, until we were both naked and moving together in crazy aggression. I was angry. Angry at everyone because I could be. Because of what they was doing. I was angry at myself for what _I _was doing. I was messed up.

But it didn't matter because being with Zafrina took that away. She cleared my mind form things like that. I wasn't angry when I was with her. I wasn't upset or depressed. She was like a healthy dose of sunshine to me. Like a glass of water after running for miles. She was like life. But Bella was different. She was like an addiction. A bad addiction, like heroin. She was amazing, and I could _never_ get enough.

When Zafrina and I weren't making love anymore, she was pacing at the foot of the bed, naked. I watched her walk back and forth.

"Are you going to tell me?" she asked.

I shrugged. "For the past year, I wrote about her. I wrote about every memory I could remember from my time with her." Zafrina stopped walking and looked around. She was deliberately trying to keep from making eye contact. "And my mother read them and now they're being published into a book."

She looked at me then. Her eyes were watery. "So what?" she asked me. "No more us?"

I sat up, staring at her. "I didn't every say that I didn't want you Zafrina. I do. I want you. I want you right now, just like I'll want you tomorrow and the next day, and the day after that. I want you because you're special to me."

She looked at me, her tears falling over. I looked away from her eyes. "But you don't love me," she said. "You're too busy loving her."

"Z, I can't turn it off. I like you a lot. You make me feel better than I have felt in my entire life—why don't you believe me?" I stood up and walked over to her. I took her into my arms.

"It doesn't matter what was, Zafrina, but what is. And you are what is, okay?" I kissed her lips lightly. "You are mine, and I'm going to keep it that way for as long as I can."

She looked up to me, her eyes bright. "I can tell you're trying," she said. "And it's me just being insecure and a bitch and I hate that I made you try to convince me even though I already knew." She laughed and rested against my chest.

We climbed back into bed, and I made love to her several times over the course of the night, proving to her that she was it. She was the present, no matter what had happened during the past, or what will happen in the future.

*~*~*~*

The book was published one year from that day. And Zafrina read the first copy she got her hands on.

We were in my bedroom just hanging out when Kate and Irina came to give me the first copy that was published. I'd titled it _The Definition of Attraction_. And once in was in my hands, Zafrina grabbed it away from me, and she read it, lying in my bed. She laughed. She cried. She was angry. She was annoyed, confused, understanding. But most of all, she was awed. She'd finished it in a matter of four hours, while I just lay next to her, watching her read about a relationship that was why we were together.

"Which part isn't real?" She asked.

"Everything after Alice went into a coma."

She was silent then, staring down at the book. "Edward, I don't understand though. Why can you be with me and not her?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I—I really don't know. I've told you a million times how much you mean to me. You're my best friend. My girlfriend. My . . . spark of hope." I sighed. "I guess she was too . . . good for me. She's so much different than you Zafrina, you're like sunshine where she was cocaine. You're healthy to me, like a vital life line, while she was something I craved. Something I was addicted to." I smiled at Zafrina.

"You said you loved me," Zafrina said. And I had. A few days ago after we'd gotten into a silly argument. I sort of blurted it out, because it had been on my mind, but I really did love her. "Do you really mean it?" she asked. I nodded.

"I love you. Because you were there for me, patient with me, caring and complacent and I appreciate that so much. I admire your beauty and strength, and I love you." I kissed her lightly and she smiled. And suddenly, the book was lost in the rubbish that was my bedroom like I was lost in Zafrina.

Several hours later, it was night and Kate and Irina were over again, having dinner with our family.

"This family seems to keep growing," Dad said. I smiled my hand in Zafrina's underneath the dinner table.

"Edward, we need to talk to you," Kate said.

"About?" I asked. Suddenly I was nervous. Her face hadn't changed into anything I should have been worried about, but I was and I didn't like it.

"Well, they want you to do a tour, for your book. They want you to go across the UK and then over to the US," Kate said. She was smiling, excited. But my heart dropped.

My eyes went wide. "What? Why?" I said.

"Because it's doing so well. It's been a month and it's already sold two hundred thousand copies. It's not even on the shelf yet, Edward. This is from presales alone," Irina said.

"Jesus. Really?" I asked. They nodded in unison.

"Tanya will coordinate everything. Edward, just by the simple description alone you've roped a lot of fans. Imagine what it would be like when they met you," Irina said.

"Not to mention you're a gorgeous, young kid. You'll have girls flooding at your feet," Kate cooed. I looked at Zafrina. She smiled at me.

"I've already got a girl I don't need anymore."

"That's beside the point. Once we see how the sales go, the tour will either be set for go, or there will be no tour at all. And it's looking in favor of the tour." Irina was smiling and so was everyone else at the table. Rosalie was a little distant, but nowhere too far.

"Say you'll do it," Kate asked.

I looked at Zafrina. She nodded. "It'll be good. You're going to be the writer equivalent of a rock star with how good your book is," she said with a laugh. I smiled at her.

"What the hell, right?" I said.

So it was set. Another month to wait for the sales to either increase like rapid fire or be normal to know-nothing-about-it books. And it went by fast, because before I knew it, it was September and I was heading to the US.

**There you are. That was the next chapter. What's going to happen next? Ooh. A possible sneak peak if you review. :) Okay so if you review, I'll definitely give a small sneak peak :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**So if you review you had a sneak peak of this chapter. Excited? I sure as hell am. :)**

**EPOV**

So the tour it was. Apparently the book had sold so many copies it was one of the nation's bestsellers and it was my first book. It was also littered upon the shelves of bookstores, frequently being replaced as customers bought copied and stood in line for me to sign it.

It was September twelfth. Only a few more days until the tour was over. It was my last book signing of the day, and we were Tuscan, Arizona, going to Phoenix in two days for the last book signing. I was excited that is was over, that I would get to go back to London with Zafrina and just hang out like we did. I mean were already above any drinking restrictions. We were adults already.

Zafrina and I had gotten an apartment near the university, farther away from our homes. I loved her, she loved me, and that was all that there was to it.

There was one more girl left at the book signing and she looked especially excited to buy the book.

"Hi, I'm Chelsea," she said.

"Hello," I responded. "How would you like me to sign this?" I asked her. She grinned.

"Oh, just your name would be marvelous," she said. "Could I ask you a question?"

"Sure." I looked up at her, her flat brown eyes showing so much more emotion that most humans were capable of.

"Well, who is your dedication to?"

_Isabella Swan,_ I wanted to say so badly. But I just smiled at her. "To a girl who stole my heart. She hasn't given it back yet," I said.

The girl named Chelsea smiled. "That's adorable," she said. "Thanks for writing this you know. You give a lot of us hope."

I handed her back her signed copy and she turned and left.

Zafrina came out from the sidelines and came and hugged me.

"I hate that the contract says you have to look like you're single," she said.

"Yeah, well, think about Z. It doesn't matter what I look like in public, but who I'm with in private." I kissed her. "I love you," I said.

"I love you, too."

We left back to the hotel room, and Zafrina and I ate dinner, just hiding inside since there were about ten billion girls in the hotel lobby dying to see me. All because I wrote a book on love. Man, women these days.

"So you used to live here?" Zafrina asked me.

"No, in Phoenix. We can stop by my—"I stopped my sentence, and Zafrina looked over at me.

"What?"

"She used to live next door to me. We can't go anywhere near there." I stared at the wall, nervous about the fourteenth. The book signing would be at her favorite bookstore, and certainly the day after her birthday she would have spending money to buy all the books she wanted, even the one book I didn't even want her to know existed.

"Calm down Edward. You look like you're going to have a panic attack," Zafrina said. She led me to the bed and I lay down. She felt my forehead, but I knew I didn't have a fever. I just didn't want to see her, after all this time and the way I'd left things. She really had stole my heart and kept it. So what did I love Zafrina with?

A new heart, I suppose, but not the original. I loved Zafrina. I loved her so much.

So why now, was I beginning to second guess me decisions?

Oh goodness. I didn't know what to do.

"Get some rest Edward," Zafrina whispered to me. She pressed her body against mine.

But I couldn't sleep. Not with a billion possibilities running through my head. No way.

The next morning Zafrina woke me up and we left to Phoenix. I had one relaxing day, and then the next day would be the book signing.

So Zafrina and I kept to ourselves in the hotel room, listening to music, talking, and sometimes making love. Okay, so it was most of the time that we were sleeping together. And I guess I couldn't help it. I wanted her to know. _To be absolutely positive that I loved her and she was the only one for me._

But even as I thought it, I knew it wasn't true. Because even after all this time, I knew that if I saw Bella, everything would flood back to me, and I wouldn't be able to withstand it. I would kidnap her, lock her into a room and wait for her to tell me that she forgives me and that she loves me too. But that was as possible as whales learning to fly.

The day came to fast. It was early morning, the book signing at eleven am to one pm. It wasn't bed, because the sooner I got it over with, the sooner I was in London and the less I would have to worry about breaking my promise to Zafrina.

"So," I said to Z. She smiled.

"So."

"I was thinking about a Mayday Parade concert," I said to her. She nodded.

"You know I love them," she said.

"I know. That's why I got tickets for the day of your birthday." I grinned at her as she jumped in my arms and kissed me hard.

"Really?" she squealed.

"Yup. Turns out being kind of famous can get you places. It was totally sold out, and I managed to get backstage passes."

"I knew there was a reason I loved you," she teased. I kissed her long and hard, her body pressed close to mine as she straddled my hips. Her arms went around my neck and she pulled back.

"It's time to get going," she said. I looked up at the clock behind her. A quarter to eleven. She was right. I bet there was a crazy line in the store already and it hadn't even started yet.

We set up and everything started. The girls were in line for me to sign their books and take pictures, and answer a few of their questions. And I was nervous every time someone came through the entrance. But it was never her. It was almost over and I started to calm down. I realized that she would have been here by now if she wanted to come.

So I waited patiently and signed the books, waiting for one o' clock to roll around and Zafrina and I could be on our merry ways. Oh, yes. Good luck was with me, yes it was.

BPOV

It was my birthday. I was twenty years old.

I'd met a new friend at University of Phoenix and over the two years that I'd attended the school, she'd become my best friend. Her name was Chelsea, and she was mega nice. She was also my only friend at the moment. Well, I had friends, but not too many since I preferred to sulk in peace. Except for Jacob who in invaded my space every so often, but not often enough since he went to school in Florida at University of Central Florida. I was proud of him.

But any who, for my birthday, I had invited her for dinner with my mother, father, and Phil. We had Sushi from an excellent take out place and then some cake my mom had made herself. It was amazingly wonderful, perfectly chocolaty.

"So one more year until my daughter is completely legal," Charlie said. I laughed.

"Yeah, I guess so," I said. "It's not a big deal though; I don't like the taste of alcohol." I grinned at my dad and he laughed. Because while I'd gone to visit him when he lived in Forks, I used to drink what he had sometimes, and he would let me, even thought I thought he never knew. But he did.

It was our little secret.

"Happy birthday," My mom said. Phil nodded and then Chelsea and I went up to my bedroom. I turned up the volume to my stereo and sat next to Chelsea on the bed.

She was holding a gift. She grinned at me.

"I told you not to get me anything," I said to her. She laughed.

"And you thought I was going to listen to you?" she said. "I know how much you love to read. So I got these books for you. It's adorable. I read them a few weeks and I had to get them for you. And besides, one of the main characters had your name. How cool is that?" she said.

"Pretty cool I guess, Chels," I said to her. I smiled I took the wrapped books from her hands, ripping off the paper. There were a few Nicholas Sparks books and some Jodi Picoult. But I didn't recognize the last one. The title of the last book was _The Definition of Attraction_. The cover was black, with the definitions of all sorts of words in a light gray color, barely visible. The title was in white so it shone brightly and it intrigued me. At the bottom of the cover, there was the author's name.

E. A. Cullen.

Coincidence?

Hell no. The back of the book had little reviews. I opened the hard cover book and read the summary on the inside.

_High school had never been sweeter at age seventeen._

And that was it. I flipped over to the back of the book and there was the author's picture on the flap.

It was Edward. My Edward. _My Edward!_ He was lying on his bed, listening to his iPod, unaware that I had come into the room and snapped the photograph of him until he wrestled the camera from me.

My hands shook. And I dropped the book on to my bed.

Two and a half years I hadn't seen him, and it was all flooding back. Did I really want to read his book? In all honesty. Why would I want to? What would it have to do with me, the girl he left because he couldn't handle it?

"Did you like this one? I don't ever think I've heard of it," I said to Chelsea. My voice quavered a little bit. She didn't know about Edward, about our past together, on how he broke my heart so bad I had nightmares I woke up from screaming.

He always died in them, no matter what I did to try and save him. He always ended up dead.

"Oh, I loved it. That Mr. Cullen is a genius. It's so . . . it's like it's real, you know? It was wonderful. The ending made me cry," she said.

I was alarmed. I looked up at her, frantic. "Why?"

She grinned. "You have to read it. Anyway, I have to get going, Bella," she said. "Boyfriend will be annoyed that I'm not home for the fiftieth time in what seems like forever."

"Sure. I'll talk to you. Thanks, for this," I said.

"Oh, no problem. At least I know you like the gifts, you know. No one likes books more than you do." She smiled. She hugged me, and I walked her out, racing up to my room afterward. Everyone was in their rooms and I was alone.

I stared at the book and sighed. I opened it again, a piece of paper falling out.

_September 13& 14 _

_Book Signing_

_Don't miss it!_

I grabbed a blanket, sat by the window, and opened the book. I read the dedication, which crumbled my heart into about a million pieces.

_To you, whom I never stopped loving_

I began to read the book, my heart filling up as I recognized what I was reading. Not because I'd read it before, but because I lived it.

_Arizona was hot. Sweltering to the point that all you really wanted to do was take of your clothes and dive into a pool of iced water. _

_I helped my sister carry the boxes of our things into our new house. _

_But something caught my eye. Or someone. She was a tiny girl, only five three or four, wearing a tank top and shorts. So she was more than pretty, if her body had anything to say about it. But it was when she tripped and fell that I got to look at her face, because I'd caught her in my arms._

I began to cry. Because that was exactly the way I remembered it.

And for the remainder of the book, I cried.

I laughed.

I blushed.

I remembered.

I sat there for hours reading and rereading and rereading, until I finished the book, and looked out of the window, watching the sun rise and shine bright through the window. He'd written about me. An entire book about everything that we'd done together. About the leukemia, the jealous boys and girls at our school, when he said that he loved me for the first time.

He had a very good memory for it all to be there.

Everything was right. Everything. So a part of it hadn't happened. We hadn't gone to college together and we hadn't stayed engaged. But everything else was the same.

Except for one other thing.

Our song hadn't been Momentum by The Hush Sound, but Three Cheers For Five Years by Mayday Parade. It was the first song that had played when we'd first made love in my bedroom over that Christmas break when we'd been left behind by our families.

And it annoyed me that out of every detail in the book, this was the one that was wrong. This one, where it was both of our first times making love to someone.

And so I rationed with myself. It was because he could. Because the book was fiction and he could change any detail about that he wanted to. But I was so mad that it was that detail. For God sakes, he could have made me blonde or a read head or Hispanic for all I care, but that song . . . it was our song.

Damn it!

For God sakes, half the book was mostly what would have happened had he not kicked me out of the door and stayed with me. What would have happened between us.

I sighed. But it was still annoying.

I looked at the paper with the date and times for the book signing and smiled. I would just go to see him and set him straight. That's all I would do. It was already eleven in the morning, and it had started at ten, so I needed to get going before it ended and I wouldn't get the chance.

So I got dressed in a pair of jeans and a t shirt and then pulled on a hoodie and some sunglasses.

And then I was out, going to the bookstore where he would be.

And there he was. Alive and healthy-looking. It was wonderful. And despite what I'd thought, there were women lined up to get their books signed. I shook my head and grabbed a number, holding my book in my arms. The line moved quickly and before I knew it, I was standing before him.

"Where did you imagine these characters from?" I asked him. He smiled up at me.

"That seems to be the most popular question today," he laughed. "When I was in high school, I'd met this girl, and she was my inspiration for my heroine in the story."

I blushed.

"And another question," I said.

"Shoot."

"Why did you make their song Momentum and not Three Cheers For Five Years?" I blurted out.

His smiled fell and he looked at me. "What you say?"

"Why did—"

"Take off your sunglasses."

I hesitated for a second, and then pulled them off, looking at him straight in the eye.

His eyes flashed opened wide.

"Bella." Not a question, but a statement. And that made my heart burst. I threw myself on him instinctively and he hugged me back, his mouth finding mine.

Oh, glorious Gods. He was back in my arms and I was kissing him. After two years of not seeing him, I deserved this kiss. But the kiss didn't last a few seconds; someone came and broke us up.

"Excuse me," the woman said. She looked at me, fire in her eyes.

"Yes?" I said. Edward took a deep breath and stepped away from me, leaving me in a spot so cold.

"I'm Zafrina Adams, Edward's girlfriend."

My heart sank and dropped, crashing into a million pieces.

Hope for absolutely nothing.

**Review?**


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry for the delay. I truly am. I've just gotten sidetracked and I had a major case of writers block. I hate that. Next chapter up soon hopefully :)**

**Love you!**

BPOV

"Girlfriend?" I managed to choke out. I looked at Edward and then looked at the girl. She looked, not angry, but annoyed that someone had kissed him. And I would have been annoyed too, except that the book had been about me. Not her, not any other girl but me. Don't I deserve some sort of happy ending?

The girl's body language changed; she thrust her hands on her hips. "Yes girlfr—"

I cut off the girl and looked at Edward. "Why did you write this?" I asked him. "This was private. Our private life and now it's on a shelf for everyone to read. Why did you do it?" I wasn't above yelling at him. He took my most prized moments in my life and made them like they were absolutely nothing, like they were just things that passed the time by. But this was life. Tears stung my eyes but I choked them back.

"It wasn't something I'd meant to do, Bella. Just something I did so it didn't hurt as much." He looked down at me, his eyes filled with fire. And I was still so in love with him I would have done anything for him to want me just as much.

"So it didn't_ hurt_? You broke _my_ heart remember? You made _me_ feel like shit," I said. "You left me to leave all the way back to Arizona. Alice was in a coma and Jasper stayed with you. How did it _feel_? Well let me tell you, Edward Cullen. If breaking up with me hurt _you_, imagine something just completely tearing you to pieces and having to try to move on. Because he doesn't want you. Because he _proposed_, and said, '_Forget it, I don't love you anymore'_. I had _nightmares _because of you_. _You hurt yourself. But I bet you're coping just fine with _her_. Are you still sick or are you better? Because I can see that it's not getting in the way now." Tears were streaming down my face now, but I looked at him, straight in his eyes not caring.

He stared down at me, not angry, but sad. His eyes were lonely, even if he did have a replica of Megan Fox at his side. Because even if he didn't want to admit it to me, or even to himself, he wanted me back.

"I just wanted you to know that I loved the book," I said softly, fearing that my voice would crack. And that was the last thing I wanted. I sighed. "I loved you. And you just didn't know how much. I didn't love you because you were beautiful or because of the nice things you gave me." My hand reached up to the locket he'd given me before he left to Italy. "I loved you because you were kind to me. Because you understood me. Because of the words you said and the things you did. And I guess that wasn't good enough. And I understand that, Edward. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. I just hope you're really happy now."

I turned around and walked out of the store. And he followed me; I could hear him following me.

"Bella, wait—"

"I did wait, Edward." I looked up at him with a humorless smile. "I waited everyday for you to call, to send me an email, to say _something_. That you were wrong and you wanted me back. And even though I was so angry with you, I would have said yes. I would have told you to meet me anywhere you wanted, and I would have taken you back. I would have still loved you." I wiped my face on the sleeve of my hoodie—_his_ old hoodie that I'd kept. He pulled me into his arms. But it wasn't a let's-get-back-together hug. It was just something to comfort me. To make me stop crying.

It wasn't working.

"I don't know what I'm doing, Bella. I did that because I couldn't stand the fact that I would be holding you down to so many things. What if something would have happened and I died? I wouldn't have wanted to just leave like that." He said. His voice was soft, easing me into normal feelings. But my love for him was flaring and burning and crackling like a wildfire that can't be tamed.

"But you're making it work now. What's the difference?"

"I didn't want to hurt you. And it was impossible for you to understand—"

"I loved you and I knew what I was doing. I knew what I was getting into. I've seen what can happen to you. I was willing to take care of you. Take care of us, but you ruined it." I pushed away from him.

"It's not that easy—"

"Alice and Jasper are together right?" I snapped. "And now you're together with Zafrina. You're making it work. It's just you found out _how_ since the person isn't me. It doesn't matter anymore. I just wanted to know why you changed our song." I crossed my arms over my chest, his body mirroring mine. "You know? The song that was playing when we first made—"

"I know what the song is, Bella," he said. He clenched his jaw. "I don't know. I guess it was because you'd be the only person that would've known."

I just looked up at him. I guess this is what closure felt like. It hurt. But it was also relieving. I knew now not to wait for anything. If he wanted to pick her over me, that was fine. It hurt, but it was okay. Because that just meant that I wasn't meant for him. Even though I still loved him with all of my heart.

I sighed. "Edward, I'm happy for you. Go have fun with her. Love her. Because I know you do. It's not bothering me that you've moved on. And I loved the book. It was beautiful."

"You're just going to give up like that?" he said.

I laughed. "I'm not giving up. I'm accepting. _You_ gave up."I shook my head.

I could tell I'd stung him. I shrugged. He nodded.

"I have to go," I said.

"Happy birthday Bella," he said. "Even though it was yesterday."

My breath caught in my throat.

"I never forgot you," he said, annoyed that I would think that he had. "And if you think that it didn't hurt—"

"Don't try to match your pain up to mine, Edward. You knew what you were doing. I didn't." I growled at him. Well, sort of. It was a menacing sound though.

He was mad now. "Whatever, Bella. If you don't want an explanation, fine." He turned on his heels but I caught his arm.

"What do you have left to explain?" I said incredulously. "What else can you tell me?"

"I don't know, Bella. I don't know what to say. That I changed the song because that what it means is one of the best moments of my entire life? That when I left, I regretted everything I did, and was ready to run back to you? That every time I thought about you I felt guilty because I still loved you? That I don't want Zafrina as much as I want you? Because that's too bad. It doesn't work like that." He stared down at me, his eyes dark with anger. I reached out and smacked him across his face.

"I didn't come here waiting for you to say go," I hissed at him. "I'm fine without you, and I will be fine. Remember the last two years? Yeah, I did fine just by myself."

He didn't say anything and went inside of the bookstore, into Zafrina's waiting arms. There was no extravagant, teasing kiss, but pure comfort and love. They really did love each other. And I guess I was going to have to deal with that.

And I guess I could deal with that. I was going to have to either way, no matter if I wanted to or not.

Inside my car, I broke down crying, clutching his stupid book to my chest. Because no matter what I said, I loved him. I loved him so much no one would ever compare to him. I didn't know if I could be with someone else.

I went to my apartment and let myself in, realizing, even after all the time I'd lived here, that I had no one to get home to. No one here for me, to comfort me when I was sad. And I couldn't call Chelsea to come and take care of me, she was out of town. And Jacob was in Florida, and my mother was in school right then, and my father had left that morning to the airport. I had no one. And maybe I was meant to be alone.

I should get a cat. Or seven.

I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. Puffy eyes and a pale face, except for the random patches of red. I shook my head. There was no way I was prettier than Zafrina. And I would never be. She was Hollywood glam, and I was small town/girl next door. I tied my hair up and stripped out of my clothes.

I ran a bath for myself, complete with bubbles and candles, playing some music on the radio. I plugged in my iPod and played a non-love-song-filled playlist to get my head off of him.

And it worked. I sat in the tub, and listened. I was done. It was over, and I was okay about it.

I climbed out, drained the water, and wrapped a towel around my body, and went to get dressed. It was already the middle of the day and no one was coming over, and I surely was going anywhere, so I put on my pajamas and sat in the living room, watching TV.

EPOV

I had a panic attack. Not exactly the best way to end the day, but hey. It could have been worse.

My vision tunneled and everything went black.

I knew it wasn't normal, but I liked being unconscious. Because for that indescribable, undeterminable length of time, there was no one in my head but me. And it felt good to be with me, by myself.

How could I have done that? I let her slip away, again, because I was angry at her. I forgot about Zafrina, and I forgot about the book. I could only concentrate on what happened in Italy, when I took her heart and ripped it apart with my bare hands.

I didn't like having blood on my hands. Every morning, I woke up, and I realized how much it stained. Bella would always be my first and last love. And I say last because it didn't matter who I loved, I would never love someone more. And that was it.

I hated myself for what I did to her. Even lying in a hospital bed in pain didn't make me feel any better. No it sure didn't. I wasn't even sure what I was doing anymore.

I'd seen her. Geeze, I touched her. And she told me to go away. And why I hadn't been expecting her to do that was a mystery. But I had a really good idea it was because she was mad at me for torturing her with a book.

It was like breaking her heart all over again. Of course it hurt. It hurt her more, no doubt.

I didn't even know. I thought I did, but I was as lost as I could ever be.

When I opened my eyes, I saw Jasper. It was weird for him to be the only one in the room, but I went with it.

"Hey, man," he said. "Are you awake?"

I looked at him for a few seconds. I barely knew Jasper Whitlock. Sure, I knew the basics, but I couldn't really say he was someone I could count on. But even then, without relationship stretched thin, I could see the worry etched in his face. And I guessed it was more for Alice that it was actually for me.

"Yeah," I croaked.

"It's been long enough. You're giving Alice worry attacks. Last night she locked herself in your room and would come out for anything."

"How long have I been out?"

"Six days."

No wonder I stink. I sighed.

"Do you need something? Should I call the nurse?"

I nodded. Some pain killers would be nice. My body was aching miserably. And maybe I deserved it, but I wasn't into masochism all that much.

Jasper left the room, my mother walked in.

"Hey, baby," she said. She leaned over and kissed my forehead. She smelled like coffee and vanilla. Way better than what I smelled like. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit, Mom," I said to her. "I don't know anything anymore."

"What do you mean?" she said. "Are you hurting?"

"Mom, I don't want to be here. Where's Dad."

"He's making sure things get done right. We were so worried about you, baby," she said.

"Where's Zafrina?" I asked.

"She's getting coffee," Jasper said. I sighed. I was so tired. The doctor walked in and looked at my notes.

"You're fine," he said to me. "Healthy. Nothing seems to be wrong. Under stress?"

I shrugged. "Not really." Even though I was. The book, and then seeing Bella just about topped it all off.

"Well if you have any complications, I'm pretty your father can take care of it. Otherwise, I suggest some bed-rest, young man." The doctor left and then My mother sighed in relief.

"I should call Bella and tell her you're okay," she said.

"What? She knows what happened?" I asked her.

"No."

"Then why worry her?"

"Because whether you like it or not, I love her like she was my daughter. Just because you have a broken connection with her, doesn't mean I have to cut her out of my life like I had for the past two years, Edward," she snipped. She sounded like Alice.

"Fine. Whatever."

Esme left the room, and I sat up, climbing off the bed. I was being clumsy, and I was pretty sure lying down for six days had something to do with it.

Zafrina came in then and she smiled at me. Her eyes were tired. They were filled with so much love and passion; I wish I could love her as much as I wanted to. But I just simply couldn't.

*~*~*~*

The next morning, my family, Zafrina and I were off to the UK.

I drove us to our apartment. Zafrina seemed touchy. She hadn't talked to me since the night before, and I had a feeling it was because I'd kissed Bella the day I'd seen her.

In our bedroom, she was lying on the bed underneath the blankets when I came in. I followed her under, lying next to her.

She looked at me, her stunning golden eyes looking right through me. I sighed.

She didn't say anything, even though I could see that it was eating her away to keep quiet.

I pulled her to me, and she rested against my chest.

"I love you, Zafrina," I said. "You know that right?"

"Then why did you kiss her?" she asked. I didn't really know. I couldn't tell her that it was because I needed to, or that it was impulse. She'd think that every time I saw Bella it would be impulse to kiss her.

"I don't know. And I know that it hurt you. I'm sorry."

"I know," she said. She sighed with her entire body. "I love you too."

So it was back to normal. Me and Zafrina, completely normal.

And I was happy about that.

We spent the day that way, eating take-out and watching trash TV.

I hated how Bella had confronted me that way. She made me love Zafrina more—in a way. I wasn't even sure how that logic worked. All I knew was when I was done talking to her, and when I went inside and hugged Zafrina, I felt like I was home. And maybe it was because I loved Zafrina with a different Edward. But Bella—

Bella was my everything. But I didn't _want _Bella.

I wanted Zafrina because she was easy to love. Easy to please, easy to be around. But with Bella, she made me work and made me work hard. Nothing could ever be good enough for her, even when I sought out the best things in life to give her. And I didn't want to risk it. I didn't want to risk succumbing to all that was Bella. I needed to stay away.

*~*~*~*

"So I heard you saw Bella."

I was lounging at my parents' house, where Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice currently still lived. No one was home except for Rosalie and me, only because the girls were having some chick-crap filled day, and Rosalie was sick. And since I was permanently sick for the rest of my life, a few Rosalie germs weren't going to kill me.

I looked up at Rosalie and shrugged. "I'm thinking about proposing to Z," I said casually.

"Yeah, because that went so well the last time," she said, her voice filled with exuberant sarcasm.

I glared at her. "But no, this time, I think it's for real. I think that Z and I could have a life together." I smiled at her, liking the idea of getting married to Zafrina.

"So I heard you saw Bella," she repeated. I glared at her again.

"Yeah, so what if I did. That was a month ago that I saw her."

"Yeah, well I wasn't here a month ago, and I just found out from Alice, thanks. So tell me how it went." She propped herself up on some pillows and took a drink from a water bottle she'd been holding.

"I think we broke up. In a final sense. I mean I said some pretty mean things to her. And I guess I'm happy with Zafrina. No, I am happy with Zafrina." I really was. That wasn't me trying to convince myself or anything. It was really true. Well I believed it anyway.

"Well what did you expect? You took all of your memories and shoved them into a fictional book where Bella would have been happy, and you would have been happy, and you wouldn't be sitting here, weighing the pros and cons of both Zafrina and Bella. I can tell, Alice can tell, Esme, Carlisle, Jasper, and even Zafrina can tell that you love Bella so much more than you can ever love Zafrina. And we accept that, because you accept that. But when you get married, and you have kids, and you live your long life, don't think of what could have been, because you knew." She glared at me. "You wrote the ending, remember?"

I looked at Rosalie. When I mentioned that I wanted to ask Zafrina to marry me, I expected Rosalie to jump at the chance to come and look for the ring for Zafrina. Not scold me.

And now, I was sure that I wanted to marry Zafrina. It was as simple as that. "Thanks Rosalie," I said to her. She shrugged.

"I'm right aren't I?"

"No." I looked at her. "I wouldn't marry Zafrina if I didn't love her as much as I did."

"Look at it this way, Edward: She's just a fill in. She does things that make you think you love her, but you really don't. You're just infatuated with her body and the things she can do with it. The sweet things she says. Face it Edward, she's a black widow spider where Bella was a harmless butterfly. But if you want to get stung, you're on the right path," she sneered. I could tell she didn't like Zafrina. And it had been like that since I'd met Zafrina. I'd ignored it, but obviously, she was the wrong person to talk to when it came to things about her.

I sighed and stood up, walking out of the room. She as getting too annoying. I was doing what was right. I knew I was.

I walked into my old room, my mother letting me keep it. I picked up my iPod and plugged it into the stereo, playing a few songs. I let myself fall hard onto my bed, and looked up at the ceiling. And then _Given Up_ by Linkin Park came on.

So what if I just dropped everything and went to her? What if I told her—

No.

I was fine where I was. In England, with Zafrina. I was sure.

I really was.

**I hope you guys liked it :) **

**Next chapter should be up pretty soon, but I can't guarantee anything. **

**Happy reading!**

**Jess**


	16. Chapter 16

**I'm sorry that the last chapter was so depressing. I didn't realize it was. But in any case. Sorry for the typos. I didn't have time to proof read it very well. **

**Just read.**

BPOV

Of course I thought about him. I would be lying if I said I didn't.

There was a quick sharp knock at my door and I went to go answer it, debating whether I should have gone to pull on some decent clothes.

I opened the door, and Alice Cullen was standing there an enormous smile on her face.

I jumped in her arms and I began to cry and laugh hugging her so tight. I was scared she would disappear if I didn't. "What are you doing here?" I asked her.

"I wanted to see you. I heard you read the book and saw Edward, and so I came by to see you too. I missed you." She was still grinning. I was smiling back at her too.

I invited her in, letting her get comfortable in my tiny apartment. I made us some coffee, and then we retreated to my bedroom, sitting on my bed.

We talked forever, just catching up with each other's lives. We didn't talk about Edward, because it was a touchy subject. But all in all, we were catching up, and that was good. She was engaged to Jasper. They didn't know when they were getting married, but it was going to be soon.

"So I was wondering if you'd be my maid of honor," she said.

"Really?"

Of course!"

"Wow, this is so amazing. Sure, I'll be your maid of honor." I hugged her and she hugged me back. I smiled at her.

"So how's school been going?" she asked.

"It's okay. Lots of work, but, there's only two years left," I said with a laugh. She laughed too. Alice didn't go to college because she didn't have to. Alice wanted to be a mom. And since she was getting married to Jasper, she would get to be one soon.

"So how's Zafrina and Edward?" I asked her.

"Bella do you really want to talk about that right now?" Alice made a face. She sighed and I nodded.

"They're fine. They have an apartment in the Hills and Zafrina works part time as a model for some art students at the University. Edward goes to the school, and they're happy."

I smiled. "I'm glad."

She stared at me, like I had two heads. "Are you really, Bella?"

I touched the key that sat at the base of my throat. There were only select times I'd taken it off; if I didn't have to, it stayed on.

"I am," I said truthfully. I was happy for him. And her. She deserved someone like Edward.

Alice smiled. "You're my sister regardless, and I love you." She took my hand. We got comfortable in my bed, getting ready for sleep. Alice was out fast, but I lay awake, staring at the ceiling in the dark.

Hours past, and I found myself missing him. And it wasn't just tonight. It was every night, because I still loved him. I died a little bit every time I thought about him, because I was pretending that I was okay, when I wasn't.

I closed my eyes, on the verge of sleep when I heard a vibrating sound. I looked over at my nightstand, my cell phone vibrating. Who would be calling me now?

I didn't recognize the caller ID, but I answered anyway.

"Hello?" I croaked out.

"Bella?"

My body warmed with fire and love and passion and I couldn't breathe. I didn't say anything.

"Bella, it's me," he said. I took in a deep breath.

"Hold on," I said. I looked over at Alice; she was out cold, snoring softly, clutching to the bed spread. I walked out into the living room, sitting on the sofa, still in the dark, and held the phone to my ear. I could hear him breathing. I remembered the touch of his fingers on my skin, his warm breath on my neck, the warmth of his body burning my skin.

"Okay," I said. "What's wrong?"

"I can't lie to myself anymore. And I can't lie to you. I want you Bella. No—I need you. I love you Bella. And I never stopped loving you."

I gasped. "Edward, listen to what you're telling me. Listen to what you're saying. Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. I've been pacing this hotel room all night, and I can't seem to get you out of my head."

"Hotel room? You're here?" I said to him, completely and utterly surprised.

"Yes. Alice asked that I come with her." He was talking, but I could tell his mind was on something completely different. I couldn't think of anything to say, other than:

"I'm coming. Tell me where you are."

And he did.

I left a note for Alice on the mirror across from my bed, pulled on some jeans and some sandals, and then grabbed my keys silently heading outside.

In my car, I cried. Not because I was sad, but because, finally, after waiting patiently for two years, something was happening, and it was a good something.

I parked in the hotel parking lot and then went inside, going up t the seventh floor, down to room 719 and knocked on the door.

But Zafrina opened the door. She was with him.

My heart fell into my stomach, and as gross and disgusting as it sounded, I vomited all over her.

"Oh, geeze!" she said. But I couldn't stop.

She pulled me inside and into the bathroom, shoving me in the bathtub and turning on the cold water. I screamed and wiggled around, trying to get up. She detached the shower head and sprayed me.

"Don't mess with my boyfriend," she growled at me. She was so close to my face then.

"He doesn't want you," I said to her. She smacked me and I attacked her, throwing her to the floor and pinning her down. She grabbed my hair, and pulled, yanking out a few strands. I screamed and threw a punch, landing somewhere on her face. She kicked and screamed, scratching me, drawing blood.

Someone grabbed me off of her but I managed to get a few kicks. She flipped me the finger before attacking me again.

"Zafrina!"

My body stiffened and I became aware of his scent. He was holding me.

"What Edward? She's trying to ruin our relationship, worm her way in," Zafrina answered.

"He called _me_, Zafrina," I said to her. I tasted blood in my mouth. I was sure my lip had split.

"You're lying, you little slut—"

"Z, I thought I told you not to come here, that things between us were over," Edward said. Edward's eyes were fierce and determined, and I couldn't help but feel content, because for once, in a very long time, something was going my way.

Zafrina took a breath. "I knew you'd go back to her. You always were. I was just your fill in, something you used. And damn if that doesn't hurt me too," she said to him.

Edward shook his head. "You liked the idea, Zafrina. You didn't love me."

She looked at him. She was crying. "I tried to Edward. I tried to love you, but I—you wouldn't let me," she said to him. "You're a great friend, and all the things we did together made me happy. And I guess it was just an idea. But you loved the idea too," she said. "Remember?"

"I do, Zafrina. But I love Bella."

Zafrina sighed. "You're not supposed to. You're supposed to be with me." She was throwing a fit, like a five year old girl, and I felt like I was intruding.

"Call me when you're finished Edward," I said. I walked out of the bathroom, and then remembered what I'd done. I grabbed a few towels and cleaned up the mess my stomach had made on the floor. When that was finished, I pulled on a shirt from what looked like a pile of Edward's clothes; it smelled just like him, a smoky, woodsy smell. My heart raced.

I walked outside of the room, and used the elevator to get to the first floor. I walked outside where the greenhouse was, looking at all the plants and flowers, alone at three in the morning.

The moon was full, and there were a lot of stars out. My heart was hammering against my chest, and I felt dizzy. But it was a good dizzy, like when you got off a roller coaster. I found myself laughing alone to a joke I didn't even know.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and the caller ID didn't recognize. I picked up.

"Bella?"

"No, it's the boogeyman," I said with a giggle.

Edward laughed. "I think it's safe, Bella," he said. "Zafrina left."

"You didn't say anything mean did you?"

"No." He sighed. "Come up to the room, and I'll explain." He didn't hesitate. "I love you."

I smiled. A tear slipped down my cheek. "I love you too."

EPOV

"In London, Alice told me she wanted to visit you. She asked me to come. So I did. But I was trying to force myself to love her. And I knew I didn't," I said to her. We were sitting cross-legged in front of each other on the floor of the living room of the suite. Bella looked up at me with her tired brown eyes.

"She was mad at me, but I didn't want to talk to her anymore, because I knew she would convince me to stay, and I didn't want to stay. I want to come see you. I wanted to tell you I loved you. That I still love you, and that I hope you would forgive me for being a jerk and a jackass, and so stupid as to see that you were the only one that would make me completely and wholly happy." I looked down at her, and she was just staring up at me.

Not the response I was expecting.

"You hurt me Edward. I mean, of course I love you, and of course I want to be with you. But I'm going to spend the rest of my life wondering if it's going to be the day you're going to break my heart again." Tears streamed down her face. She crawled over to me, sitting on my lap, her arms around my shoulders. She was sobbing in my arms. I smoothed her hair and let her cry. She was crying because of me, and I didn't want to say something to upset her.

"But you—GOD! How can I just forgive you Edward? It's not that easy. I mean you broke me. My heart—I don't think I can handle something like this." She let me go.

"Bella, I'm sorry. And I know that I was wrong, but you have to understand that I wasn't doing it to hurt you—"

She cut me off. "It doesn't matter your intentions, Edward. You did it. You fucked it up, and you expect me to come to you, just waiting for you to say go?"

"No Bella, but can't you give me a chance?"

"I don't know." She shrugged and looked away. It's—I love you. I love you so much, but how can I trust you?"

"Bella, I'll do anything you want me to. If you want me to leave—"

"No!" she screamed. "Don't leave me. I don't think I can handle it if you do." She held onto me tighter. "I can't just let you go though. And I should give you hell for what you did to me. But I can't. I'm too nice, and I love you too much to deal with that. I love you okay? I want you for the rest of my life and the rest of yours. I want to marry you and have kids and live together until we die. I want this," she said. She was breathing like she'd run a race. "Do you?"

"God yes," I said to her. "Of course I want this Bella. I want this more than you could ever dream of. More than you think I do."

"I hope you're right Edward. I hope to God that you don't fuck this up. Because if you do, I can't give you another chance," she said. She was still crying, but she conveyed so much seriousness that it broke my heart. She was right. I couldn't match my pain to hers, because she beat me by a long shot. When I thought my heart was broken, Bella was living without a heart at all. And it was because of me.

And I didn't want her to feel like that. If I could see inside her head for even just a minute . . .

"I want this too much, Edward." She leaned her head on my shoulder, taking in a deep breath.

"Let's go for a drive Bella," I said to her softly.

"Where?"

"Let's go." I stood up and pulled her with me. She wiped her face on her shirt.

"Edward where are we going?" she asked me. She watched me as I packed up all of my things, which wasn't a lot, and drag her to the lobby where I checked out.

"Edward, answer me," she demanded, thrusting her hands on her hips. I looked at her, grabbed her body and pulled her to me. I kissed her, and she kissed back, and there was nothing but solid love in that kiss.

She was breathless when I pulled away.

"I'm going to marry you." I looked at her, in the parking lot of a hotel at four in the morning.

"Are you crazy?" she said. "Where do you expect to do that?"

"Las Vegas is only five hours away," I said to her. I cupped her face in my hands. "I am going to tie you to me legally, so that you know I am never going to leave you."

"Edward you don't have to do that," she said. Her eyes sparkled. She looked away. And anyways, Alice is at my apartment alone.

"So call her," I said. She shook her head.

"Why are you being like this?" She asked me.

I shrugged. "I love you." I pulled her ring out of my pocket. "I believe this belongs to you." I put it in her hand. She looked at it, at me, then at the ring again. She slipped it onto her ring finger.

"You're serious about doing this?" she asked me. I smiled at her.

"I have the chance now, Bella, and I'm going to take it." I tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "I thought I was protecting you Bella. That I would be hurting you if I stayed. But I realized I had it wrong." I smiled at her. "I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"Say it, Edward." She said to me, looking up at me with her rich chocolate eyes.

"Say what?"

She just looked at me.

"Bella. You know I love you. I have loved you from the day I saw you trip and fall over thin air outside of your house. I loved you since that day. And I will love you forever. Please marry me," I said to her.

She shrugged. "The first time you asked was better, but I'll take what I can get at four o clock in the morning."

I laughed and picked her up, spinning her around. She kissed me.

"I love you Edward Cullen."

"I love you Isabella Cullen."

She laughed and smiled. "Let's go."

We got into her car. She let me drive, and we held hands as I drove to her house so she could get some clothes. She woke up Alice.

"Huh?" Alice said when she saw me. "What are you doing here?" she asked me.

"We're eloping," Bella said. Alice's eyes grew enormously.

"No way," she said.

"Yes way. If you need anything, Mom and Phil are at their house, and there are phone numbers on the fridge. Call you later." Bella hugged and kissed my sister, and Alice smiled widely at me.

"Finally," she grumbled, before returning to sleep.

"Okay," Bella said. "I'm ready."

Bella and I climbed in to her car and we set off to get eloped. I could care less if we got married. But it would make things real, make her happy, and that would make me happy.

Bella held my hand, and I looked over at her briefly, smiling at her. She smiled back.

"You don't have to do this, Edward," she said. "I'm fine with us just being together."

"Yeah, I do. I want to. And besides, you're excited and happy, and I know you want this. I should have done it two years ago. I'm never letting you leave me." I clutched her hand tighter.

"Okay, then."

**I know it's short, but you get the point. :)**

**It's a Bella and Edward story. Was from the first chapter. So until next chapter :)**

**Jess.**


	17. Chapter 17

***Hides to dodge bullets* Sorry I took about a million years to update, but I finally got my new laptop. Man it sucked living without a computer. But here it is, the end to this dear story. Simple. I think it's time to take a break from the endings that involves kids and marriage. This ending lives in the now. Thanks a lot for reading!**

I looked up at the sky. Clear as diamonds. I was happy now. He was mine. All mine and I didn't have to share, dream, or suffer.

I was sitting in a booth at Wendy's, waiting for Edward to come back with our food. My phone rang, and looking at my caller ID, I could see that Alice had called a few people. Couldn't keep a secret to save her life. Well, what was worse is that I didn't expect it from her and should have.

"Honey, be rational about this," my mother said. I didn't even have the chance to say hello.

"Mom, I love him," I reasoned. She sighed. "Please. Just hear me out. We want this together. It's not like I forced him to do it, Mom."

"I understand that baby, but you have to take into account all of the things he's said to you. All of the things he did." I could tell she wasn't happy. It was ten in the morning, and she was probably drinking a little. Her twenty year old daughter ran away to elope with her boyfriend of just a few hours.

"But I think the good outweigh the bad."

"Six months of good outweighs two years of bad? Bella, you must be delusional." My mother was talking to Phil in the background. Well, it was more like they were arguing.

I laughed. "I'm not delusional mother. And it wasn't two years of bad, only one day. The two years just . . . happened." I wiggled my fingers having nothing to do to calm me down. "It was only a mistake. People learn, Mother."

"But think about it Bella. This is ridiculous."

"I thought about this already. What it means, what's going to happen. May I remind you that you were only eighteen when you got married?"

She laughed. It was more like a cackle however. "Look how well that turned out. Divorced with a second husband." She sighed. "Bella. Please don't do this. Not like this. Not in Vegas. That's so tacky."

"But we're already here," I said. I smiled. "I want this Mom."

"Bella, please—" I cute her off.

"No. I'm going to. And it's not tacky. It's quick. And we're going to stay together this time." I smiled at what I just said. I was so stubborn. And it was my mother who I got it from.

"Bella, you're too young to do this," she said. She was trying to reason with me, and as much as I didn't want it to, it was working fantastically.

"Let it go mom. Just let it go. It's going to happen." I slumped in my seat, playing with the napkin dispenser.

"Sweetie, can't you at least slow down so that you can make sure you want to spend the rest of your life with him?" she asked me. I sighed. "Think about it, Isabella. Can you spend the rest of your life with him without thinking that he's going to up and leave you? Do you trust him that much?"

The bad thing about my mother was the fact that she knew all of my buttons. All of them.

I was eight when my mother and father divorced. And it was impacting. My mother fought for me in a custody battle and so we moved out to Arizona, where Grams lived. She died when I was thirteen and ever since all of that, I had trust issues. I thought people were going to leave me all the time. It was about the time I'd gotten together with Edward that I'd gotten over it, but then he just made it worse.

"Fine. I'll give you that much, Mom. But don't expect me to wait forever, because I'm not going to. It could be next week that we decide to get married. Who knows?"

"You are completely obtuse, Bella. Call me when you get home," she said. I felt myself nodding, even though I knew she couldn't see me.

"Okay, Mom." I hung up the phone and put my head in my hands. My mother was right. She was, and I hated to admit it. I let Edward back into my life way too fast after all the things he did to me. I should have waited a little while. Because now, if he were to ever do something so drastic again, he knows I would let him in fast. That made me sound like a clingy, desperate girl and that really wasn't it. I just loved him so much that I knew I couldn't stand to be away from him any more, now that I had the chance to be with him.

Edward sat down before me. I grabbed one of the French fries, and then nibbled on a single fry.

Edward looked at me funny. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"I was desperate for you to come back. I'm such a—" I cut myself off. Edward didn't say anything, just studied my face. He looked sad, though, and that made me feel worse.

"We should slow down Edward. We can't just go and get married. What are we going to do afterwards? Huh? You're going back to England, and I'm going to stay here. And it's going to be hard and I can't live with you thousands of miles away from me." I looked up at him, his brooding green eyes penetrating my soul.

"Bella, you're not desperate. You're in love. And I can understand that. I mean, you've had time to think about it, think about what exactly we're going to do. And if you don't want this, then that's fine. We can work something out. You can love me, or you can leave me." He shrugged his shoulders. "It's up to you." He sat back in his seat, his long body extended in front of me. My gaze lingered, but not for long.

"Why can't we do this together? Edward, I love you. But I don't want to get married like this. I want this to be something special." I rubbed my eyes. I sighed, looking into his eyes, deep and passionately, trying to convey exactly what I was feeling. I didn't think it was working.

"Okay, Bella. Okay. We can go back to Phoenix. But I'm not going back to England."

I sat back in my seat, surprised by his words. "What?"

"I'm staying here. With you. You're crazy if you think I want to go back to England and leave you here all alone," he said.

"Oh." A slow smile spread across my face. "Really?"

"Yes, Bella." I took his hand and bit a French fry in half, grinning at him. "Look. I'm trying here. I'm not completely oblivious to the mistake that I've made. I know that I hurt you. I just didn't know we were so attached to each other. I love you. I really do. And I want to prove this to you. That I'm not going to run away."

"It's going to take more than some pretty words to make me trust you again, Edward. It was hard to realize the fact that you'd left me. And I don't ever want that to happen again. Don't you understand that even though I love you, I can't completely trust you? I'm going to sleep every night hoping that you'll be there in the morning, and hope that every time you say that you need to talk to me it's not you breaking up with me. I love you, please know that, but I can't just subject myself to that kind of pain so quickly." I looked at him. He nodded and I smiled slowly, but surely.

"We need some time together. I understand Bells," he said.

"Okay. I didn't mean to say it that way, but—it just hurts you know?"

"Of course I do."

We ate our food, and got back into the car, finding a hotel to get some sleep. Because being in a car for five hours was killing me. So he stopped at a hotel, and we walked in with our limited luggage and he managed to get us the loveliest room they had available. One with a Jacuzzi for a bath tub.

Yes.

Edward fell asleep only five minutes after being in the room. And even though I was exhausted, I couldn't sleep. Not just yet.

In the bathroom, I ran a bath for myself. I stood, naked, in front of the mirror. I was losing too much weight. I was pushing myself too much. And if I kept up doing so much at school I was going to get sick.

I let myself sink in the bath water, feeling it rise up over my head. I could see the bathroom through the water, distorted from the waves of the clear liquid.

I thought about my life for the past two years. I had been getting better. And with this, I was setting myself up for some strong heartbreak and I know that if this ended badly, I would be forever damage.

Right now, I wasn't even sure if I could trust him all the way. I knew that it was going to be hard, but I loved him. I would give him that much. He would have to work for my trust, that was for sure.

After my bath, I switched to shower so I could wash my hair and shave. When I was all smooth and clean, I dressed in a pair of shorts and a tank top; it may be September, but it was still hotter than hell here in Nevada. It wouldn't be any different in Arizona.

I put a little bit of make up on and blow dried my hair pin straight. I looked descent, but I wasn't gorgeous or anything. I still had dark circles under my eyes, and my hair wasn't at all shiny. But I looked . . . presentable.

In the bedroom, Edward was still sleeping, and for some reason, I was hungry, so I ordered some room service. My nerves were getting the best of me. I didn't know what to do. In all of my fantasies, this happened. He always whisked me away somewhere to marry me or make love. But today that was different. It was like it didn't matter. Edward told me that he loved me, that he wanted to marry me, but it was like he was settling.

I was so confused.

I walked back into the room and climbed into bed with Edward. He stirred, curling his arm around my waist as I snuggled into his chest.

"You smell amazing, Bella," he said. I smiled. I sighed in content. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too Edward," I responded.

Believe it or not, life was pretty amazing after that. Edward and I drove back to Phoenix and he stayed with me in my apartment, while Alice looked for a place of her own. All of the Cullens, plus Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper, were moving back to the US. Alice and Edward weren't in a critical condition of illness, so there was nothing to worry about. For the mean time at least.

"You know, England is amazing, but all the rain . . ." Alice smiled.

Edward had been off with Esme, who insisted on his help for a new house she and Carlisle were looking to purchase. Turns out, they were going to buy back the house that is next to my mothers. How comforting.

"But I like the rain. You don't understand. When I used to live in Forks when I was in middle school I loved it. I adored the rain." I sighed. I flipped the channel to a different station on the television, leaving it on a few reruns of America's Next Top Model.

"Well, I can definitely live without it. I don't know about you, but I love being able to just sit in the sun and tan in a bikini."

I laughed at Alice. It was great to have her as a friend again. God knows I missed her.

Edward came home at that time. He'd been giving piano lessons to some kids in the neighborhood. Alice left from our bedroom, and Edward lay next to me, pulling me into his arms. I giggled and leaned down to kiss him.

"I missed you," he said. He was grinning, happily holding me to him.

"I missed you too." I said.

And it was happily ever after from there.

**So how did you like it? Was it good enough? I thought it was kind of nice. Thanks again for reading, guys. And putting up with my all of a sudden updates. You guys are awesome.**

**Review! **

**Love, Jessie.**


	18. Author's Note

Hello readers! :)

Changed my name! Again, I know. But this one is going to stick. I changed it because I had so many different usernames for all my online crap so I changed it all to LetsMakePoison, only because I love Lady Gaga and in the "Telephone" video she has a little segamnt where she makes poison . . . and thus my name was inspried. So yes.

And Also.

I have a new story up. It's called _Whisper Sweet Nothings. _It's bascally all the lemons, one-shots, and fluff I can't put into my stories, but they keep me awake at night, so . . . the first chapter is a lemon. I thought some of you smut lovers might be enticed to read that. So don't forget to review. :)

And for my Serious Impulse readers:

Sorry about the death threats. If you want to review, go on and do it! (Please! :)) but if you don't, I'm not holding anything against you. But let me remind you that this story was written in advance, so things are already set on what's going to happen. However, thanks for reading and reviewing. It is very much appreciated!

Alright. That's enough of my incessat ranting and stuff :)

Follow me on Twitter for updates and junk of fanfiction and all that gooey goodness. I might even post sneak peaks to next chapters.

And now. Question of the day (if you choose to answer):

If you could be any television show character, what would it be? I think I'd like to be Azula, from Avatar: the Last Airbender. She's pretty badass.

PM me, direct message me on twitter, or even email me if you want! :)

Alright! Byee.

(I look forward to reading your answers.)


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